Ghosts from the past
by happysunshine01
Summary: JJ has a past no one knew about. What will happen when her secret comes out? How will JJ deal with her past? It will start off with a JJ/Hotch friendship but it will be more eventually. Chapters 14 and 19 are M-rated!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is going to be my new story. I hope everyone will like it! The genre of this story will be hurt/comfort/friendship/romance/drama.**

**This story will be at the end of season five. I am not planning on letting JJ leave for the pentagon. Henry and Will are in the story but JJ and Will won't be together. This story will be starting off with a JJ/Hotch friendship but I promise that it will become more in the future. **

**I want to thank MollyR for everything. I couldn't have done it without you!**

**I am sorry for the long author's note.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

"I have seen children successfully surmount the effects of an evil inheritance. That is due to purity being an inherent attribute of the soul."

**Gandhi**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Another day**

JJ stepped into her newly bought apartment and she let her go-bag fall to the floor. She walked into the kitchen and she filled a glass with red wine. She sat down on her couch and put on the TV. JJ sighed deeply as she was trying to focus on something other than the case the team just discussed at the BAU. The case was about young boys disappearing after school. The team unanimously decided to send the profile to the police department since it was clear that the unsub had to be someone who knew the children. The case made JJ think about Henry and how she couldn't imagine losing him. Henry was spending the weekend with his father. JJ really needed to see him but she knew Will would complain to her about interrupting his time with their son. JJ had broken up with Will when he still wanted her to leave her job. Will wanted JJ to be a stay at home mom when he knew that her job was important to her. JJ's job was more important to her than anyone would ever be able to imagine. She wanted so badly to make the world a better place. It made her feel like she could make up for some things. Will never understood JJ's passion for the job and JJ realized that well enough to decide to break up with him. She and Will separated four months ago and she hadn't even told someone on the team. The team always told JJ that they were the cutest couple and that Will was perfect. But as JJ had gotten to know the real Will she knew he wasn't perfect and neither was she but she couldn't live with the constant irritations anymore. JJ knew that she and Will had only stayed together for Henry but they couldn't keep going the way they used to.

JJ was extremely frustrated and she turned off the TV. She stretched herself on the couch and pulled a blanket over her. There was always a part of her that hated herself. She blamed herself for the break up with Will and for leaving Henry without a mother when she went on cases. JJ tried everything to keep her life together but there were often moments when she felt like she could fall apart. She had one of those moments five weeks ago. JJ flashed back to the memory.

* * *

_JJ was just walking into the bullpen when she saw all eyes on the TV. JJ turned around and she started listening to the news reporter who was standing in front of the United States Penitentiary, Leavenworth in Kansas. _

''_The Night Ripper a.k.a. Clark Walters escaped during a transfer from Leavenworth to Cascade Medical Center after the renowned killer was having severe seizures. Police and FBI are already involved and they are currently not commenting'' the reporter said._

_The color was drained from her face and she was standing frozen in her spot and she felt like she couldn't move. Luckily the team's eyes were all on the TV because they were listening to the shocking news of the escape of one of the most prolific serial killers in the US._

* * *

JJ snapped back into reality when she heard a knock on the door. JJ stood up without realizing that she wasn't exactly wearing clothes to answer the door with. JJ looked through the peephole and she saw Hotch standing on the other side of the door. JJ was surprised to see him. Hotch had never been in JJ's home before. JJ opened the door for him.

''Hey'' JJ greeted.

''Hey JJ. Oh, sorry I didn't mean to interrupt'' Hotch said when his eyes travel down JJ's body. He saw that JJ was wearing a baggy sweater that partially covered her legs. Hotch tried to look away but his eyes kept looking at her. _Oh god, Aaron, not again! _Hotch thought to himself while he tried to tear his eyes away from JJ. _She has a fiancé. She will never be interested in you! _Hotch said to himself. He always had certain feelings since the moment he met the blonde standing in front of him. Hotch suddenly thought about the first time they met.

* * *

_Hotch was sitting in his office, waiting for the new media liaison Gideon had hired. Hotch wasn't happy about the fact that Gideon hired someone without his knowledge but he had assured Hotch that the woman was perfect for the job. Hotch was imagining an arrogant young rookie agent who just came out of the academy. _

_Hotch heard the knock on the door and he told the person to come in._

''_Come in'' Hotch said._

_The door opened slowly and a young blonde woman walked into the office. She was the exact opposite of what he had imagined her to be. She had blonde hair and she had an amazing smile on her face that made Hotch want to smile even more. Hotch noticed her beauty the second she came walking into his office. _

_Hotch stood up and he walked towards the woman to make the introductions._

''_You must be Agent Hotchner'' the blonde said confidently._

''_Yes I am. You can call me Hotch'' he said._

''_It's an honor to meet you, sir. I am agent Jennifer Jareau. Everyone calls me JJ'' JJ said as she shook the man's hand. JJ was pleasantly surprised by his hotness but when she saw the ring on his finger she knew he was already taken by someone._

''_Well, have a seat JJ'' he said and he walked back towards his own chair._

* * *

''Hotch!'' JJ said.

''Hello Hotch!'' JJ said again when he still wasn't responding to her.

''Oh sorry JJ. I was just thinking for a sec'' he said back to her.

''Of course you were. It looked more like you were daydreaming'' JJ joked.

Hotch stayed silent and the tension started to feel awkward and he was about to talk when JJ beat him to it.

''Why are you here?'' she asked somberly.

''I want to talk to you about your behavior over the past month'' he explained and he walked inside her apartment when JJ gave him the gesture to do so. He looked around and the atmosphere was very comfortable. It was clear that JJ valued comfort over appearance in her apartment.

''My behavior?''

''Yes JJ. Since a couple of weeks ago, you have been on edge the entire time and I would like to know why''

''I haven't been on edge. Do you want some wine?'' she said, knowing that drinking wine with her boss wasn't appropriate.

''Yes, that would be great. And you have been on edge. You jumped when Reid came up from behind you today. I noticed it, JJ. I just need to know what's going on'' Hotch said while he turned to JJ's face. JJ was sitting crawled up on the couch and Hotch could see that she was struggling with something. Hotch moved slightly and JJ stood up from the couch and she started walking towards the kitchen. Hotch walked into the kitchen as well and he saw JJ sitting on the counter.

''JJ, where are Will and Henry?'' Hotch asked when he realized that JJ was home alone. JJ told the team that they moved into a new apartment but he looked around and there was nothing around that would suggest that Will was living there.

''Oh, they are with Will's parents in New Orleans for the weekend'' JJ lied, knowing that Henry was with Will at their old apartment that they used to share. JJ remembered that Will insisted on keeping their old apartment because he was the one who signed for the rent, so JJ had no choice but to move out.

''Okay'' he said suspiciously as he started to move closer to JJ when he saw a flash of pain in her eyes.

''JJ, what is going on?'' he asked again.

''Nothing. I am fine Hotch. Maybe you should leave. This was a bad idea'' JJ said as she climbed of the counter.

''What is a bad idea?'' Hotch asked curiously because he had no idea what JJ was talking about.

''Thanks for coming over'' JJ said as she followed Hotch to the door. JJ felt her heartbeat rise when Hotch turned around and gave her a smile. JJ loved to see him smile because it was pretty extraordinary to see him do that.

''Always JJ. Whenever you feel like talking, I am here for you, whatever it is'' Hotch said softly and he pulled JJ into an unexpected hug.

JJ put her head on his chest and she listened to his beating heart while Hotch held her tightly against him. It was a surprising move for JJ but she felt so comfortable in his embrace that she didn't want to pull away but she knew she had to.

''Thank you Hotch. See you Monday'' JJ said as she pulled away.

''Yeah, uhhh, I….uhh…will see you on Monday'' Hotch said with confusion.

He didn't expect JJ to be okay with the hug but he was extremely happy that she didn't pull away.

''Bye'' JJ said and she closed the door behind him.

JJ went back to the couch and she crawled up in a little ball and she just let her mind go. This time she wasn't thinking about serial killers or her job. This time she was thinking about the one and only Aaron Hotchner. The man that had become a rock to her without his own knowledge. JJ and Hotch had always been close and there were small things that he did to help her through a bad day. JJ loved everyone on the team and she would never deny that because every single one of them was her family. There was just something about Hotch. She had a crush on him for a long time and that slowly faded away over time but it came back when they had an almost kiss during their hunt for an unsub. JJ still felt the tingling in her body when she thought back to that one moment that made all of her feelings for the stoic unit chief resurface again.

* * *

_The team was on a case in Alabama. Garcia found the home of the unsub and the team went to the home right away. They were all paired up. Morgan and Prentiss, Reid and Rossi and of course JJ and Hotch. _

_The team knew that this unsub wouldn't go down without a fight. His motives would probably be suicide-by-cop. _

_The team went into the house at the same time. JJ and Hotch had the backdoor and JJ followed Hotch inside. They cleared the kitchen and they suddenly heard a gunshot coming from another room. Hotch instincts kicked in and he pushed JJ against a wall and he covered her with his entire body. Hotch was relieved when he heard Morgan yelling from the other room that the unsub was dead._

_JJ on the other hand felt the heat radiating from Hotch's body and he still didn't move when Morgan let them know what happened. Instead he started to lean down towards JJ's lips while his hands started to slide down her back. JJ could swear that she felt his hands squeeze her ass slightly but she kept telling herself it was just a dream. Hotch was an inch away when Prentiss called out his name from the other room and he pulled away from JJ. _

_JJ kept standing against the wall and she felt her entire body tingling from the previous closeness. She thought he was about to kiss her but in the end she told herself it was just an imagination. But it was one that made her feel all those feelings again._

* * *

JJ sighed deeply when she went back to the memory. It had happened just after Hotch and Haley got divorced. JJ was with Will at the time but things weren't serious between them because they were dating for three months and JJ got pregnant five months later. Even if Henry wasn't planned she has never had a single regret about him. Henry is the one constant in her life and she loves him with all that she has. JJ does worry sometimes. She worries about who he might become when he gets older and what will happen with him. The one struggle for JJ growing up was that she was afraid of who she really was and even now she still doesn't know and that makes her feel incomplete in away.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is another chapter! **

**Special thanks to MollyR, Twilightangell, samcarter1980, the guest reviewer and spyagent001!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 2: The nightmare**

JJ kept sitting on the couch for another two hours when she was finally too tired to stay awake and think about her life and what she wanted. JJ walked to her bed and she was about to climb in when her phone started ringing. JJ looked at the caller ID and it said Hotch. She immediately knew it had to be something urgent because he never called at 2 am in the morning.

''Hey Hotch, what's up?'' JJ yawned.

''_Oh hey JJ. We have a case. You need to come in right now. It's a bad one and the police wants us there immediately'' _Hotch explained on the other end of the line.

''Okay, I will be there in forty minutes. Why wasn't I called about this?''

''_This came directly to me. I will tell you about the case when you get here. The team has to be here in an hour. The jet leaves in two and a half hours. I will see you soon'' _Hotch said and he hung up the phone.

JJ picked up her go-bag and she emptied it and she filled it with clean clothes. JJ took a quick shower and she changed into some comfortable clothes because she knew they would be spending the night on the jet and she needed all the sleep she could get. After JJ was ready she locked her apartment and she took the SUV and drove to the BAU.

When JJ stepped out of the elevator she noticed that there were more agents called in and Garcia was on her way to Hotch's office when JJ caught up with her.

''Hey Pen. What's this all about?'' JJ asked when she took one last look at the crowded bullpen.

''It's the case. Oh, can you take this to Hotch for me. I should get back to work. He wants to debrief you first either way because you are our beautiful liaison'' Garcia said and she left JJ standing in front of Hotch's office.

JJ walked in without permission to enter because she knew he never minded when it was urgent. The moment JJ walked in she saw it couldn't be any good because his face showed only seriousness.

''Hey Hotch. What's going on?'' JJ asked and she stood behind one of the chairs across from his desks.

''JJ, please sit down. I will tell you about this case and I need you to brief the team on the jet. I just called them all to tell them that we all should meet at the airstrip. This one is really bad and we need all the minutes we can get'' Hotch explained.

''Okay, tell me about the case'' JJ said and she sat down in the chair and she was ready to listen.

''Five weeks ago Clark Walters escaped during a transfer to the hospital and he still hasn't been found. Kansas Police has found a body fitting his M.O. and they are absolutely sure that he is back again. He was charged with twenty-one counts of murder seventeen years ago. I have all the files here and I need you to brief the team on the jet. We can't afford to waste any time with this one'' Hotch said quickly.

Once again when JJ heard the name she felt like she couldn't hear Hotch talking to her. Her entire face went pale and she felt every ounce of security flow from her body.

''JJ?'' Hotch asked when he was standing in his doorway waiting for JJ to come with him and to drive to the airstrip.

''Oh, sorry. I am coming'' JJ said and she followed Hotch out of his office.

Dozens of thoughts and memories were going through JJ's minds and she was too preoccupied with them to listen to Hotch. JJ barely heard a word of what he was saying and she sighed out in relief when they reached the airstrip. Sitting in the car felt suffocating to JJ and she knew it could only get worse because she had to present the case to the team and there was absolutely nothing she could do against it.

JJ took a seat next to the window and she was sitting across from Reid who looked really excited about something and JJ was hoping it wasn't the case. JJ knew that Clark Walters was a famous serial killer but it was exactly the last case JJ wanted to be working on. JJ was focused when Prentiss sat down next to her and greeted her.

''Hey JJ'' Emily greeted.

''Hey Em'' JJ greeted back and she let her head lay against the side of the plane and JJ felt like she could fall asleep because of the lack of energy in her body.

''JJ, you can start'' Hotch said when the team had taken a seat.

JJ handed everyone a file and she opened her own to take a look at it but she didn't need to look at it for a lot of reasons.

''Clark Walters a.k.a. The Night Ripper escaped five weeks ago during a transfer to the hospital. FBI and Police have been looking for him but there hasn't been any luck so far. Two hours ago the body of 29-year old Cindy Sullivan was found. She fits the exact same M.O. as Walter's previous victims'' JJ said and she was interrupted when Reid started talking.

''The Night Ripper killed twenty-one women in the span of two years. He sneaked into their houses at night while they were sleeping. He would bind them to their beds. He raped, tortured and killed all of the women'' Reid added to JJ's statement.

''I am honestly not as familiar with this case as Reid but he is one sick dude who needs to be caught again'' Morgan said.

''Morgan, how can you not know this case? I mean this guy couldn't be caught even though there was profile on him. He is one of the only serial killers who has been so good at outsmarting the police and FBI'' Reid said to Morgan.

''How did they catch him?'' Emily asked. She had heard about the case but she didn't know it as well as Reid, Hotch or Rossi did.

''The Bureau held a press conference in which they gave people the profile. A day later they got a call from his daughter. She told the police that her father was out at night a lot. He was caught and all the evidence pointed to him'' Reid answered.

''What happened to the girl?'' Emily asked.

''I actually don't know'' Rossi said.

''I don't know how you can live with yourself when a monster like that is your father'' Hotch said.

JJ flinched at Hotch's comment and their conversation was getting to her. JJ decided to interrupt their talk because it was time to get back to the briefing.

''Hmmm. Maybe we should talk about the important things'' JJ said.

''Yeah, go ahead'' Hotch said and he looked at JJ and he saw pain in her eyes. He had never seen her eyes like that. They seemed lifeless while there normally was still some kind of joy in them.

''Yeah I thought so to. The ME is performing the autopsy as we speak and he will give us the results as quickly as possible. Cindy was bound with the same kind of rope he used nineteen years ago. The knife wounds are also the same and the ME already concluded that there are signs of rape'' JJ continued.

''Why did he start killing nineteen years ago? I mean why at that time, what happened?'' Emily asked, trying to get more familiar with the case.

''I don't know. It was never in the files and none of us were there when it happened. I think we should call Garcia'' Hotch said.

''Why? What do you think Garcia can find that they couldn't find nineteen years ago?'' JJ asked curiously.

''I want to know where the daughter is and what happened to her mother. Walters only confessed to all of the murders back then. He never said anything about his daughter of the mother of his child. Maybe one of them was the trigger and when we find the trigger we might be able to find him now'' Hotch explained.

''What do you think happened to the daughter?'' Morgan asked.

''She probably ended up in the foster care system because the mother wasn't there when they caught him'' Rossi replied.

''How old was she? She had to have been pretty smart to report her father to the police'' Emily said.

''They say she was about nine years old'' Reid said.

The conversation was getting too much for JJ and she wanted to run away from it but Emily was sitting next to her and there was no easy way to escape it. JJ pulled out her phone and she put in her earpieces to listen to the music. JJ was relieved when she wasn't hearing anything of the conversation anymore but that still didn't stop her mind of thinking about the situation she was forced into.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Another chapter!**

**Special thanks to spyagent001, samcarter1980, Twilightangell, Jotchprossi18, BAUGirl05 , the guest reviewer and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 3: The discovery**

Three and a half hours later the plane landed in Kansas City, Kansas. Hotch turned to the team when they were standing in front of three SUV's.

''I want everybody focused on this case. This is going to be a long and hard one and the locals need all the help they can get. Morgan and Rossi, I want the two of you to go check out the crime scene. The rest of us will go the station to go through all the other victims' files'' Hotch ordered and everyone responded.

JJ was following Emily to one of the SUV's and she was about to step inside when she was stopped by Hotch.

''JJ, I want you to ride with me. Reid can go with Prentiss'' Hotch ordered and he sat down in the driver's seat.

''Of course, sir'' JJ mumbled angrily to herself.

She was getting scared of the fact that Hotch had noticed a change in her behavior when she tried so well to hide all of her feelings. JJ stepped inside the car and the first thing she felt was an awkward tension between them. JJ didn't want to talk but she had a feeling that Hotch was going to talk anyway. He was either going to play the concerned boss or the worried friend and in that moment she didn't want to talk to both of them. Yes, he was her closest friend in a way. They never went out outside of work but when they talked there was just something that brought ease and comfort around her.

''Hey'' Hotch said to break the silence between them when none of them had talked in about ten minutes. Hotch saw that something was going on with JJ and he wanted her to know that she could talk to him when she needed to. He just didn't know how to stay professional around JJ anymore. His feelings were there for a long time but he was somehow able to put them in a tiny box and hide it. When his marriage fell apart he knew there was something different about him and JJ. He just never thought about it in a different. Even though it was too late because she was with Will. She was still with Will, at least that is what Hotch and the entire team thought.

''Hi'' JJ replied back to him and she kept her eyes in front of her the entire time.

''JJ, what's…'' Hotch said but he stopped when he heard a phone ringing.

JJ pulled out her phone and she saw Will's name on her screen and she wasn't in the mood to pick up when Hotch was next to her. She knew Henry probably wasn't sleeping well because Will would only call her in the middle of the night when he needed help or advise to get his own son to sleep. JJ sighed deeply and she answered her phone.

''Will?'' JJ said with the sweetest voice she could make at that moment.

_Oh damn, it's him. He's probably telling her how much he loves her and that he wants her to be careful. Oh, what I would do to have her. What I would do to her, if she was mine for even one day. Oh god, here we go again. Stop it! You dumbass! _Hotch thought to himself when he heard JJ say Will's name.

''_Hey JJ. I need you to come and get Henry from me because he won't stop crying'' _Will said.

''I can't. I am in Kansas right now'' JJ replied.

''_What? Why?''_

''Because I have a job and you have Henry this weekend. Is he crying?'' JJ asked.

''_Yes and he won't stop''_

''Put him in the car and drive around for an hour or so. It makes him sleepy and he won't wake up again. I have done that a lot'' JJ said.

''_I am tired. I don't want to get out of the house right now''_

''Will, he is your son. Take care of him. Is that so hard?''

''_I just can't do this JJ'' _

''We already talked about this, Will. You have him this weekend. You are his father, so just act like it for a weekend or even just a day if that's possible for you''

''_If you know how to be such a great mother than why aren't you here. You shouldn't be working now, you should be home with your own son'' _Will yelled from the other side of the phone.

''Don't do this, Will. This is exactly why I bro…what we have talked about. I am not leaving my job and don't tell me I am a bad mother because I am not. Unlike you, I spent my time with my son whenever he's with me. You know what, I will ask Penelope to look after him. I will tell her you are bringing him to her. She's still at the office'' JJ said angrily.

''_No. I will keep him here'' _Will said and he hung up the phone before JJ could say anything else to him.

Hotch was really confused because JJ told him that Will was in New Orleans with Henry. Now, she was telling him to bring Henry to Garcia in DC. He knew JJ wasn't being honest about something.

''Sorry'' JJ said softly when she looked up at Hotch.

''For what?''

''The phone call'' JJ replied.

''You have nothing to apologize for JJ''

''Thanks Hotch''

''You also have nothing to thank me for'' Hotch said while he looked at her for a second and he could swear that he saw a tear falling down her face.

''Yes I do. You have always been there for me. I could always talk to you, you gave me a shoulder to cry on after a hard case, you are just…''

''Me?'' Hotch joked.

''Yeah. I hope you know what I mean'' she said softly and JJ reached for his hand but instead her hand softly brushed against his leg and Hotch felt his body react immediately to her touch.

''Sorry, for that'' JJ said with a blush on her face, hoping Hotch didn't notice her embarrassment.

''It's fine. JJ, what's going on with you and Will?'' Hotch asked carefully.

''I think that conversation told you enough''

''No, it didn't. But you lied to me about them being in New Orleans. Why did you lie to me, JJ?''

''Because I didn't want to look like a fool in front of the team and you. I broke up with Will four months ago because he kept pushing me into resigning from my job and I was at a point when I was about to do it until I realized he wanted me to be someone I wasn't. I hate that I had to do that to Henry, you know. I just want the best for him'' JJ explained and she felt relieved when she finally told him about Will.

''I understand, JJ. You did the right thing, believe me. And I would never think that you could be a fool'' Hotch said softly while he was pulling up in front of the police station.

''JJ?'' Hotch said before they were about to step out of the car.

''Yeah Hotch'' JJ said when she turned to face him.

''You can always talk to me about anything''

''I know'' JJ said.

They both stepped out of the car and entered the police station. Reid and Prentiss were going through files of the victims from nineteen years ago. The team started by putting up a timeline and chronically putting the victims photos on the board. All the victims were blonde haired blue eyed women in their late twenties to early thirties.

''So, now we have timeline. We already knew that the victims all have the same appearance'' Reid said.

''He had a longer cooling off period between the first and the second victim. He probably had regrets when he killed for the first time and he slowly started craving more and then he killed the second victim. He kept going because he couldn't stop'' Hotch stated.

''That means that he won't stop now until he is caught again'' JJ said.

''Maybe but this time his age could slow him down. I mean the guy is nineteen years older and he might have to put up more of a struggle than he did all those years ago'' Emily explained.

''He was thirty-one years old when he was arrested. He is fifty years old now'' Reid said.

''We need to find the trigger for his behavior. If we find that we might know where he is hiding. I think we should start by finding his daughter and the mother'' Hotch said.

JJ flinched and she wanted to object but she knew Hotch was doing the right thing. He only didn't know that it would impossible to find the daughter.

''Let's call Garcia about this'' Reid said.

Reid dialed Garcia's number and she picked up the phone after the first beep.

''_This is the lair of all knowledge, Penelope Garcia speaking''_

''Hey Garcia, you are on speaker. JJ, Emily and Hotch are here with me'' Reid explained to Garcia.

''_Okay, my lovelies. Hotch, I looked into other deaths around twenty-five to nineteen years ago but there were no other suspicious deaths. His first victim was found twenty-one years ago but you already know that''_

''Okay Garcia. I want you to look into his daughter and the mother of the child'' Hotch said.

''_I will sir. Do you have any names?''_

''Yes, the name of the daughter is Annie Walters. She was nine years old at the time of her father's arrest and she was seven when he started killing. We also need to know about the mother but we have nothing on her. Maybe you can find a birth certificate'' Hotch said.

''_Okay. I will work some magic and I will get back to you when I have something''_

''Do you think you can find them Garcia?'' JJ asked curiously while every fiber of her being told her to run but she knew that would make no sense.

''_I can find anyone JJ. I will talk to you all later'' _

''Bye Pen'' Emily said and the phone call ended.

''Prentiss I want you to go over the interviews that were held with Walters. Maybe there's something that FBI and Police missed back then. Reid I want you to start a geographical profile from the older victims and the newest combined. He might still have the same comfort zone. JJ, you and I will start preparing for a press conference. I want the whole city or even the entire state to be on high alert for this guy. He might kill sooner because he just got out of jail and he can't stop'' Hotch ordered.

Everyone went to work. Rossi helped Reid and Morgan helped Prentiss. Everyone was working hard and they did everything they could to find the unsub.

JJ held her press conference when they updated the profile. The reporters had dozens of questions and JJ was able to answer most of them. She told the public to be aware and if you were a woman who fit the appearance you had to be extremely careful.

It was 10 pm and the team ate take out and went back to work. They had been working none-stop and they were all very tired because they didn't have any sleep the night before. They were all distracted when JJ's phone started ringing.

''Hey Garcia, you are on speaker. Everyone is here. Tell us what you got'' JJ said fearfully for what Garcia found.

''_I only found half of what you wanted''_

''What do you mean?'' Hotch asked with a cranky voice.

''_I found the mother of Annie but I couldn't find Annie''_

''What do you mean that you couldn't find the daughter? Shouldn't she be easier to find since she was involved with the police?'' Rossi asked.

''_Annie Walters was in the foster care system for two years. After the age of eleven there's nothing I can find about her. It's like she disappeared off the face of the earth. It's weird, I can normally find anyone''_

''That is strange. Keep looking for her Garcia. Tell us about the mother'' Hotch said.

''_Her name is Susan Dunn. She gave birth to Annie when she was twenty-one years old. She married Clark Walters when she was twenty-two. She took his surname but she changed her name back to Dunn when she was twenty-eight. That's same time she left because I could only find records from her in Wichita, Kansas since then''_

''Susan leaving had to have been the trigger'' Morgan said.

''Garcia, do you have any photos of Susan or Annie?'' Hotch asked.

JJ felt her heart beat faster when she was waiting for Garcia's response.

''_I only have a photo of Susan. She's is pretty. Blonde hair and blue eyes, just like our beautiful JJ'' _

''She was the stressor. Thanks Garcia. Let us know when you have anything on the daughter'' Hotch said.

''_Yep. Garcie-out''_

The line went dead and they all looked at Hotch for their next tasks.

''Okay. I think we all should head back to the hotel. We can use the sleep by now. I make sure one of the detectives can get Susan Dunn over here for an interview tomorrow morning. I think it would be best if we also interview the foster families were Annie Walters stayed'' Hotch said.

''I think the mother can tell us the most but the daughter can tell us about her father's behavior when he started killing'' Rossi said.

''Is everyone going back to the hotel?'' Emily asked.

Everyone nodded or gave Emily and answer except for JJ.

''JJ, are you coming?'' Emily asked when they all were ready to go.

''No thanks Em. I am going to take a walk'' JJ said and she was out the door before anyone could say anything.

''What it is going on with JJ?'' Reid asked when he watched her walk away.

''I don't know but I will talk to her. We should go'' Hotch said.

The team left in two SUV's and they went back to the hotel to get the sleep they all badly needed. Hotch stepped inside his hotel room but he just couldn't stop thinking about JJ and he decided to drive back to the station to see if he could find her. The walk from the hotel to the station had to be thirty minutes and he didn't like the idea of JJ walking around alone at night. He stepped in his car and he drove away.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This chapter is pretty short. There might be some parts that are out of character for JJ and Hotch. I hope you all like it!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, the guest reviewer, Twilightangell and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Comfort**

JJ felt better when she was walking in the cold air. She let out a big sigh and she just kept walking. She turned a corner and she had no idea where she was going. JJ walked along a row of houses and she walked into a little park with trees and benches. JJ curled up on one of the benches and she shivered because of the cold. The tears were stinging in her eyes and she had to fight to not let them fall down her face. Once she was sitting there for a while the memories were rushing back to her.

* * *

_Flashback 1989_

_Little Annie was playing outside in the backyard of the little home that her parents owned. She was a happy seven year old girl. She loved her parents and they loved her. Annie was sitting on a swing when she heard yelling from inside the house. She ran inside to see her mother with a suitcase in her hand and her father was yelling and almost crying. Susan Walters started walking outside and Annie and Clark followed her to her car._

_Annie didn't understand what was going on until she heard her father begging for her mother not to leave._

''_Mommy'' Annie cried out and Susan Walters turned to her daughter._

''_Annie, I love you so much little girl. Don't ever forget that'' Susan said._

''_Where are you going?'' Annie asked._

''_I am going away for a little while and you have to stay with your dad'' Susan said and she started to walk away._

_Annie ran after her mother and she hugged her tightly for the last time. The little girl was crying and she didn't want to let go. Her mother eventually pushed her away and she was about to ran after her again when she felt the strong hands of her father around her._

''_Annie, it's okay. I am here'' Clark said to his daughter._

''_Daddy, why is mommy leaving?'' Annie cried out._

''_I don't know. But we are going to be okay! I love you!'' _

''_Do you promise?'' Annie asked._

''_I promise. Always and forever, remember?'' Clark said._

''_Always and forever'' Annie said and she flew into her father's arms while she watched her mother drive away._

* * *

The tears were now falling down JJ's face. She was shivering at the memory and she stood up to start walking again but it was like her body had no energy left for it. She felt like she couldn't move, so she sat back down. JJ let her head lean on her two hands and she was bent over. She was still trying to fight the tears but there was nothing she could do. The memories hurt. It was too much for her to handle. JJ never knew who she was. It was like half of her was missing and she never found her other half. While still fighting the tears she heard a car drive by and stop. JJ was suddenly hyper vigilant and she moved one of her hands towards the gun when she heard footsteps coming closer. JJ stood up in one fluid motion and she turned the gun on the person that was coming closer to her.

''JJ, it's me'' Hotch said and he watched as JJ was slowly putting the gun down. He also saw the tears in her eyes.

Hotch walked closer to her and he took the gun from JJ's shaking hand. He put the gun on his ankle where is own second gun always was but he left it in the hotel vault this time. He looked at JJ and the hurt in her eyes made his heart break. The last thing he wanted was to see her cry. He had seen JJ cry before but not like this. Not with so much pain. She looked almost lifeless in a way. Hotch moved closer and he let his hand reach her face to wipe away the tears. He took of his suit jacket and he hang it over her shoulders.

JJ kept looking at the ground and shivered when she felt Hotch touch her arm. It was like he brought her back to life with his touch. The electricity was overwhelming.

Hotch stepped closer and his body was almost touching JJ's body. He put one of his hands on her back and his other hand came around to lock his hands. He pulled JJ against his chest and she let her head fall against his shirt.

His touch seemed more than friendly to JJ. His touch was gentle yet filled with a force of passion that she had never felt before. She told herself that she was imagining it all.

They kept standing in each other's embrace for a long time until JJ finally pulled away from him. She knelt down to get her gun from Hotch's ankle.

Hotch couldn't help but think about JJ when she was so close to him. _God, does this woman know what she does to me. I want her so badly. I need her badly. I want to know what she is thinking and why she has been crying. I want her to be mine in every way. I want to listen to her, I want to be her everything. _Hotch thought to himself and he watched JJ stand back up in front of him.

''Thanks again. I am so sorry, Hotch'' JJ said.

''Please don't apologize JJ. Never apologize'' Hotch said as they started walking towards the black SUV.

Hotch opened the door for JJ and he closed it behind her when she was sitting inside the car. He stepped inside the car and drove back to the hotel. The drive was silent. JJ looked through the window. There were parts of the city that she still remembered like it was yesterday. Kansas used to be her home. It used to be her happy place until it turned into the worst nightmare. JJ's breathing was hitching and she felt Hotch's hand on her shoulder and she let her head fall back against the seat and she started to relax at the touch of his hand. His hand started to slide down her arm and his hand was somehow on her knee before she was realizing what was happening. His hand started moving from her knee towards her thigh. His touch was making JJ dizzy in a good way. It was almost as if reality was drifting away from her and she was being pulled into a dream world. JJ sighed out when his hand pulled away because they pulled up in the parking lot of the hotel.

They both stepped out of the car. The team's rooms weren't on the same floors but JJ's and Hotch's coincidentally were. JJ walked past Hotch's room to go to her own and she felt a hand on her wrist. JJ turned around and she looked at Hotch.

''I want you to stay with me tonight. We still need to talk, JJ'' Hotch said seriously.

''We can talk but I don't have to stay with you the entire night'' JJ replied.

''Okay, fine. But I need to know what is going on with you if it's going to affect your work'' Hotch explained.

''Okay''

JJ walked through the opened door and she put her bag down on the bed. The team went from the airstrip straight to the police station. They hadn't been in the hotel the entire day. Only Morgan went there to get all of them checked in and to get the keys to their rooms. JJ sat down on the edge of the bed and she watched as Hotch was coming from the bathroom. JJ was feeling uncomfortable because there was a tension between them. JJ grabbed her bag and stood up from the bed.

''Where do you think you're going?'' Hotch asked.

''To the bathroom. I would like to change or should I change in front of you, sir?'' JJ asked and there was sarcasm behind her question.

''No, it's okay'' Hotch said with a flushed face. JJ's question made him blush because everything in him told him to answer to that with saying that she could change wherever she would like but the unit chief in him was able to keep control. He just didn't know how long he could keep the control around her. JJ was in a vulnerable state right now and he would never want to do anything to take advantage of that.

While JJ was in the bathroom to change, Hotch was getting some drinks from the mini bar. He was tired but he wanted to know what was going on with JJ.

In the meantime JJ was going through her go-bag realizing she didn't take sweatpants with her. She expected to be in a hotel room all alone so she only took shorts with her to sleep in. JJ put on the short with a tank top and she decided to put on a baggy sweater over it. She stepped out and she saw Hotch sitting on the bed with a glass of scotch in his hands.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Another chapter! This one can be a bit out of character to for JJ and Hotch. I hope everyone likes it!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, spyagent001, the guest reviewer and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Truth or dare**

Hotch looked at JJ while she put her bag on the ground by the door. She was wearing the same sweater she wore when he came over to her apartment.

JJ jumped on the bed and she boldly took the glass from Hotch and she took a few zips. She gave the glass back to Hotch and he just kept staring at her. JJ knew that Hotch was going to keep pushing her to talk until she did but she wasn't in the mood to talk. She wanted have some fun to forget.

''Let's play truth or dare, Agent Hotchner!'' JJ said happily.

''Okay. But maybe you should stop drinking''

''Why? That takes all the fun out of it. You are drinking to'' JJ replied.

Hotch was sitting against the headboard while JJ moved to the end of the bed and she sat on her knees.

''You are right. So, Agent Jareau! Truth or dare?'' Hotch asked.

''I will go with truth. Dares are always to dangerous''

''Okay. Let me think for a second. What makes you feel insecure about yourself?'' Hotch asked.

''Uhh. I feel insecure when people see me vulnerable. To me it feels like they have something to hold against me and I don't want people to have that chance'' JJ answered.

''You know, no one on the team would do that JJ. It's okay to lose it every once in a while. We talked about that a few years ago'' Hotch said and he took another zip of his scotch.

''I know. Your turn. Truth or dare?''

''Truth. Go easy on me''

''I think I won't. Sorry. It's like I am already drunk. Okay, here we go. What should I ask my boss? I would like to know something about you that no one else knows. Not even Rossi'' JJ joked.

''Stop teasing me. Just ask the question!''

''What is your most embarrassing moment?''

''That really is a common question. I expected more of you, JJ. Well, my most embarrassing moment was when I wanted to ask Haley out of the first time. I joined the theatre club to be closer to her. We had a break from rehearsing and I was sitting across from her at the table and I was about to ask her out when I was so nervous that I spilled my entire drink over my pants. She actually asked me out the next day but I was still pretty embarrassed'' Hotch explained.

''That's so sweet. I am so sorry, Hotch''

''For what?''

''Just you and Haley. I am sorry that she died and that you're marriage didn't work out. I can't even imagine how difficult that must have been for you'' JJ said with compassion. She and Hotch almost never talked about Haley. She was just there for him after she died and JJ did everything she could to help him.

''You know I loved Haley so much and I still do but our marriage wasn't the same in the ending. It was like we still loved each other but just not enough to make it last. And then she died. It was my fault and I guess I am still dealing with it all''

''It's not your fault. You did everything you could. You saved Jack. None of that is your fault, Hotch. Foyet did it, not you. Don't ever blame yourself'' JJ said with a raised voice.

A silence fell between them and they both enjoyed it for a while until JJ broke the silence when it was lasting to long.

''We should really cheer up. Truth or dare?''

''I will go with dare'' Hotch said, hoping JJ wouldn't come up with anything to juvenile.

''Bad choice. I want to have some fun, so I will go with you this time. I want you to knock on of the team member's door and run away'' JJ laughed out.

''What? Who?'' Hotch asked.

''Oh, Rossi! He hates it whenever someone interrupts his beauty sleep'' JJ said.

''No, oh, come on''

''You have to. I will go with you'' JJ said and she was already jumping from the bed.

JJ pulled Hotch from the bed when he wasn't moving. JJ grabbed him with her and they started walking through the hallway towards the elevators. The hallways and elevator were empty because it was 1 am. JJ and Hotch stepped out on Rossi's floor. They started walking towards his door and Hotch was shaking his head the entire time.

''Okay, we ring, run and go around that corner up to the stairwell. Do you copy?'' Hotch said with a fake seriousness.

''Yes sir. It's a matter of life and death. I copy'' JJ joked, realizing with their work it wasn't really funny but she was just enjoying her time with Hotch and the alcohol was going to her head already.

''Here were go'' Hotch said but he was still not pushing the button.

''Oh you sissy, let me do it!'' JJ said and she knocked on the door.

They kept knocking it until they heard Rossi's voice coming from the other side of the door.

''Yeah. Stop it. I am coming'' Rossi said with a cranky voice.

JJ and Hotch started running and they heard the door open when they were just around the corner.

''Stupid kids'' Rossi said and they heard him before they entered the stairwell.

JJ sat down on one of the steps and Hotch sat down next to her. JJ was still wearing her short and sweater and Hotch was still in his suit. Their legs were only a few inches apart and JJ felt the dizziness again.

''So, we are stupid kids instead of well-trained FBI agents?'' Hotch asked.

''I guess so. I still can't believe you actually went with this'' JJ laughed.

''Oh believe me I am pretty embarrassed. Now I have a new story to tell but when we get back to the room I will get you'' Hotch said.

''No, you won't. You have to catch me first'' JJ said and she started running up the stairs leaving Hotch behind.

It didn't take long for Hotch to catch up with JJ. When he was finally near her, he picked her up and he lifted her over his shoulder. Hotch held JJ and he walked back to his hotel room. When he was inside, he let JJ fall to the bed. He let himself fall next to her and they were both breathing for air because of their running.

''That was fun'' Hotch admitted. He never did kid stuff anymore and it felt good to do something idiotic again.

''It was. So, your turn to embarrass me'' JJ said and she kept laying on the bed.

''Okay. When was the last time you had sex?'' Hotch asked bluntly. It was a question he had in his head for a long time. He knew that JJ would sleep with Will and when he heard that they broke up four months ago it went through his head that JJ might be seeing someone else. He didn't want to think about it but he needed to know.

''God, Hotch. I am not going to talk about sex with my own boss'' JJ said with a blush on her face.

''Ah, you have to answer. Sorry!'' Hotch said childish.

JJ was about to get up from the bed when Hotch held her back. He sat up and he leaned over JJ. JJ started to struggle, so he climbed on top off her. He held her hands above her head.

''Hotch let me go. Come on'' JJ said with a laugh. She liked the idea of Hotch being on top of her but she was too embarrassed to talk about her sex life with him.

''Nope. Not until I get an answer'' Hotch said.

''Okay, but you have to let me go first'' JJ said.

''Fine'' Hotch said and he climbed off JJ.

He laid back against the headboard and he looked at JJ who was sitting up again.

''Six months ago'' JJ said softly.

''What?'' Hotch asked surprised.

''Six months. You heard me''

''Okay. I never expected that''

''What? You thought I would sleep around?'' JJ asked, waiting for a response.

''No, never. I mean, you just broke up with Will four months ago'' Hotch replied.

''I know. Will was just not, you know'' JJ tried to say but she felt to awkward to finish the conversation with Hotch.

''You don't have to talk about it, JJ'' Hotch said when he noticed that JJ started to feel uncomfortable.

''It's okay. It might be good to talk about another failed relationship. It's like I am just not good enough for guys and I don't know what I do wrong'' JJ said.

''You are good enough, JJ''

''I hope so. You know, I really liked Will when we first met. He was charming and sweet but the longer we were together the more things I didn't like about him. Whenever we had, you know, he would just care about himself. I think that he wasn't interested in me anymore in the end'' JJ said sadly.

''I am sorry JJ. You deserve someone who loves you and who will give you everything'' Hotch said.

_I love you! I will give you everything. _Hotch's mind screamed. For the first time he told himself that he loved her and he knew it was true. He loved the blonde beauty more than anything. He didn't know why or when it had happened but everything about JJ was perfect. Her passion for the job, her compassion, her fun side and the fact that she was an amazing mother.

''Thanks'' JJ said.

''I am getting tired. Maybe we should have a serious talk in the morning'' Hotch yawned.

''Oh come on Hotch, it's only past 2 am''

''Exactly. We need to be back at the station around 8.30 am. This case is important, JJ''

''I know but having fun is important to. How about one more round of truth or dare?''

''Fine. I chose truth, so I can stay in my room'' Hotch joked.

''Have you ever been involved with someone who was involved with someone else?'' JJ asked curiously. JJ wanted to know if Hotch thought that their almost kiss meant that he was involved with her. She just started dating Will back then, so she was involved with someone.

''Once'' Hotch admitted while his mind went back to the case where his body pressed JJ against a wall and he almost kissed her.

They both were silent when they were realizing they both were talking about the same memory. It was a memory that Hotch never forgot. He could sometimes imagine JJ's body against his own.

''Okay, my turn'' Hotch said to break the silence.

''Give me a dare'' JJ said happily.

''Okay. Remove an item of clothing!'' Hotch said believing that JJ would never do it until the sweater she wore fell onto his lap.

JJ was sitting in front of him in her shorts and a tank top. He tried to look away but is his eyes were focused on her body and he just couldn't look away.

''Like what you see?'' JJ asked when she saw Hotch looking at her with a hungry gaze.

JJ had an answer to the question she wanted to hear. The way he was looking at her meant that he had some kind of feelings for her.

''Yeah'' Hotch sighed out without realizing that he just said that.

''Oh god JJ. I mean no, no'' Hotch said.

''What?'' JJ asked with hurt in her eyes and she climbed off the bed.

''JJ wait!''

''For what?'' she yelled at him.

''Listen! Just let me explain''

''Go ahead'' she said softly and she felt her heart being ripped out of her chest.

''JJ, I really can't. I am sorry. I am your boss and it could only lead to more problems'' Hotch said and he knew he was making a mistake but he needed to think about the consequences it could have for both of them.

''I understand. I think I will go back to my room now'' JJ said as she pulled the sweater back over her head.

''JJ, are we okay?''

''Of course. Just forget about it'' JJ lied. She didn't want to forget it. She wanted to be with him but he just didn't want to be with her.

JJ hurried out of the room with shame and tears in her eyes. She opened the door to her own room and she dropped her bag to the ground and she crawled in the bed. JJ wasn't able to sleep the rest of the night. The entire night was replaying. Everything had began perfectly and it ended in one big mess. She started thinking about what Hotch would say to her when he found out her secret. _I don't know how you can live with yourself when a monster like that is your father. _That was the one sentence that kept replaying in JJ's mind the rest of the night.

Hotch was in the other room thinking about what he said and if he made a mistake or not. The last thing he wanted was to ruin his friendship with JJ. She understood him like no one had before and he didn't want to lose her. Hotch was able to fall asleep when he turned his mind off.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This chapter is pretty long but I didn't want to cut it up into parts. Tomorrow's chapter will probably be shorter. I don't know if I wrote JJ's emotions and reactions right in this chapter. I hope everyone likes it!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, spyagent001, spk and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Face to face**

JJ woke up the next morning when her alarm went off. She had barely slept but she was able to get out of the bed quickly. She took a quick shower and she changed into one of her favorite skinny jeans, a white blouse and a black blazer. She put her hair into a ponytail and she put on some make-up. She quickly pulled her files together and she put them in her workbag. JJ ran out of the room and into the lobby. The entire team was sitting in the lobby and she realized they probably already had breakfast when she saw Emily holding a croissant and coffee for her.

''Hey guys, sorry. I overslept'' JJ said as she greeted the team.

''Hey sleepyhead. This is for you'' Emily said and she handed JJ the croissant and coffee.

''Thanks Em, I really need the coffee'' JJ said thankfully.

''Your welcome'' Emily said as they were walking outside onto the parking lot.

Hotch turned around to look at JJ a couple of times and she looked just fine to him. He wanted to talk to her but he knew that there wasn't going to be a right time when they were on a case.

JJ was about to step into one of the SUV's when she realized that she forgot her hardware.

''Oh, wait, if forgot my badge and gun. Sorry, I have to get back. You guys can go ahead I can take a cab'' JJ said.

''No, I will wait. You can all go. I will ride with JJ'' Hotch said and he was glad that he got an opportunity to talk to JJ.

He followed JJ back inside the hotel and he noticed her frustration right away when she glanced back and gave him an angry look. He said nothing and he followed her into her hotel room. He closed the door behind them and he pulled JJ back and he pressed her against the door.

''What do you want? Let me go!'' JJ yelled.

''No, you said we were fine but we are not, JJ'' Hotch said.

''I guess we are not. Just let me go''

''JJ, what is going on with you? You can't be this angry about one comment I made. What is happening with you?'' Hotch asked and loosened his grip on JJ.

''Nothing. Let it go. I doesn't concern you at all'' JJ yelled and she walked towards the safe to get her gun and badge.

''You are lying to my face. Last night you were crying and don't tell me it has something to do with Will because I don't believe that anymore''

''If you try to figure it out, you will just get a headache. Just stop treating me like a suspect''

''I am not treating you like a suspect, I am treating you like my best friend, JJ. You have been the one steady thing through my life and I am not going to let you push me away. Let me in'' Hotch said a little softer and JJ was already storming out of the room.

''I can't. Aren't there things I get to keep to myself? This is my life'' JJ yelled.

''Okay. Fine. I won' t ask anymore but don't come crawling to me when you need a shoulder to cry on'' Hotch said fierce fully and he closed the door of the SUV when they were both sitting in it.

The drive to the station was silent and filled with a tension. JJ kept looking out the window. She was looking for familiar streets from her childhood. JJ suddenly flashed back.

* * *

_Flashback 1987_

_Annie was running down the streets in the dark. It was night time and she was making a stroll with her parents because she couldn't sleep. It was their usual thing to make a walk whenever she had a nightmare. She would look at the stars with her parents and run around the neighborhood. Annie was running around the corner and her mother was trying to catch her._

''_Mommy, I am faster'' Annie yelled._

''_I can see. Wow, I don't know how I am supposed to catch you. Daddy should help!'' Susan said to her running daughter._

''_No fair. Daddy is faster'' Annie squealed happily when her father picked her up in his arms and he held her tightly._

''_I have her'' Clark said and he started tickling his daughter._

''_Daddy stop. I hate tickling'' Annie yelled._

_Clark put Annie back on the floor and he held her hand while he held Susan's hand in the other. The three of them walked down the streets hand in hand at night._

* * *

JJ stopped the memory when she heard Hotch telling her that they were at the station. JJ barely looked at him and she followed him inside the station. They both joined the team and they went back to the case. JJ's worst nightmare. The one thing that defined her for the rest of her life because everyone betrayed her when she was younger.

''Did we make any progress?'' Hotch asked when they all were sitting down.

''We were just about to call Garcia, to ask if she found the daughter'' Morgan replied.

''Okay, call her Morgan. Put her on speaker when you have her on the line. Reid and Rossi, I want the two of you to check out the Walters' old home. I also want the two of you to question some of his old friends to see if they knew what was going on. Garcia has the names and addresses. Call her on the way'' Hotch ordered and Reid and Rossi left right away.

''I have Garcia on the line'' Morgan said.

''Garcia tell us what you found'' Hotch said.

''_I will start with the friends of Clark Walters. He had three buddies he used to play pool with in a local bar back in the days. I sent the names and addresses to your phones''_

''What about the daughter?'' Emily asked curiously.

''_I did something totally illegal to try and find her. I hacked into systems of adoptions agencies where she might have been through but I still couldn't find any girl with the name Annie Walters. I did find the families where she was for two years in foster care. And seriously, this girl went through at least eight families in a year''_

''Why?'' Hotch asked.

''_She ran away from one of the families because she was malnourished and she was getting physically abused by one of the other foster kids. The last family she was in was the worst. She just turned eleven and the foster father was touching her inappropriately. Luckily she had only been there for two days before she was removed. After her last removal there are no records of her existence''_

''Thank you Garcia. Keep looking for anything related to Clark Walters'' Hotch ordered.

''_Yes. Bye my lovelies'' _Garcia said and she hung up the phone.

''Morgan I want you to go to Leavenworth prison to interview Walters' cellmate. He might be able to give us some information on where Walters would go. Prentiss, keep looking into the former victim's life and find out if there any connection to Walters before they were killed'' Hotch ordered.

Morgan left the conference room to go to Leavenworth. Prentiss was already sifting through the files. JJ looked at Hotch with a questionable face because he didn't tell her what do and her normally told everyone what to do.

''Agent Hotchner?'' an officer said when he walked into the conference room.

''Yes'' Hotch said when he faced the officer.

''Susan Dunn is here for questioning'' the officer said.

''Thank you. Where is she?'' Hotch asked.

''She's waiting in the captain's office. He told us that you could use it during the interview'' the officer said and he walked away.

''JJ, you and I will question Susan Dunn'' Hotch said and he was already out the door before JJ could say anything to protest.

JJ walked towards the office and she froze. She heard Hotch introducing himself and when she heard the voice of the woman, it was so familiar that it was like yesterday for JJ. For a long moment JJ didn't move at all until she walked into the office and she froze again. All JJ could do was stare at her. The memories came rushing back, all of the memories she had of the woman standing in front of her. It was like she didn't even age at all.

''SSA Jennifer Jareau'' JJ finally said.

''Hello, Susan Dunn'' Susan said as she shook JJ's hand.

''Nice to meet you'' JJ lied. She wanted to run. Run away from this woman, run away from her life but she couldn't. She wanted an explanation, even though she knew she couldn't ask it directly.

''Ma'am, have a seat'' Hotch said and he sat down next to JJ on a couch.

''Thank you and call me Susan'' she said to Hotch and her eyes went back to JJ again.

Though Susan asked nothing, JJ could see there was a mixture of curiosity and fear in her expression. JJ kept looking at the woman and she was afraid she might figure out who she was.

''Susan, we need to ask you questions about your ex-husband'' Hotch said carefully, having no idea how the woman felt about the man who became a serial killer.

''Clark? Why? What happened?'' Susan asked curiously.

''You don't know?'' JJ asked.

''No, what should I know?'' Susan asked.

''Are you lying?'' JJ asked, knowing that she had to know something because the news about The Night Ripper was known everywhere.

''No'' Susan stated.

''Yes, you are'' JJ said again but this time with more force.

''JJ, calm down'' Hotch said and he sighed deeply to start his next sentence.

''Tell us about him'' Hotch said softly and he gave JJ one of his death glares.

''I met Clark after I graduated from high school and we started dating. He was the sweetest guy I ever met and I always believed he was the love of my life. We got married when I was twenty-two. I was happy with him'' Susan answered.

''Look Susan, I understand that this is hard but you are skipping the most important parts. We need information on him. Like you already know, he has killed twenty-two women that we know off. Don't lie to us. We know enough. Why did you leave him? And what happened to your daughter?'' Hotch asked.

''I left him when I was twenty-eight. I just felt like my life was passing me by and I wasn't doing what I wanted, so I decided to leave'' Susan said.

''That's your explanation?'' JJ asked angrily.

''Yes, it is''

''What about your daughter? Did you ever stop to think about her before you left her with a monster that you created?'' JJ asked angrily.

''Annie…I…I miss her every day. I wish I never left. I just…'' Susan said and she stopped when she was at loss of words.

''Have you ever seen your daughter after you left?'' Hotch asked.

''No but I wish I did. I miss her so much. She was the sweetest most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I actually still have a picture of her. Here this is it'' Susan said and she handed a small picture to Hotch.

Hotch took the picture from her hands and he looked at it. He saw a beautiful two year old little girl holding a stuffed animal and she had the biggest smile on her face.

''I looked for her two years after Clark was in prison. I went to CPS but they told me that there were no records of her anywhere. I had no idea what else I could do so I gave up'' Susan explained.

''We know, there are no records of Annie. We have been trying to find her for two days but there's nothing. We could only find information about her from the two years she was in foster care'' Hotch said.

''That's strange'' Susan said.

''You think that is strange? You abandoned your daughter when she was seven years old. After that she had to live with a father that literally ripped women apart at night when she was home all alone. After your ex-husband was arrested she went into foster care for two years that we know of. She was in eight different families in one year. She ran away from one family because they almost starved her to death and the last family…you should really hear this…in the last family she was abused by the foster father. How can you say that it is strange for her to disappear?'' JJ said while trying to keep herself in control.

She already noticed Hotch looking at her with an angry face because of her outburst at the woman.

''I am so sorry. I love Annie. She is my daughter and I made mistake by leaving. I wish I could go back but I can't. Maybe I can fix it now when you find her'' Susan said and the tears were welling up in the woman's eyes.

''Do you think she would want to see you? You abandoned her! You should have never been a mother at all. Look at what you have done'' JJ yelled at the now crying woman.

''Agent Jareau. A word outside. Now!'' Hotch ordered and he watched JJ storm out of the office.

''I am so sorry Susan. Agent Jareau was out of line. Give me a second'' Hotch said.

''Of course'' Susan said and she cried when Hotch was walking out of the room.

JJ ran when she left the office. She ran outside the station and she walked into a small alley behind it. She let herself drop down against the wall and the tears were streaming down her face. The woman who was supposed to be a mother abandoned her daughter for no real reason. She just left because she thought she needed to do something else with her life. JJ lived with a lie every day and now it was thrown into her face without any kind of warning. The people she wanted to forget where the ones that were coming back to haunt her. The memories were too painful and talking to the woman she once called her mother was too hard. She felt like she could yell at the woman forever for what she had done to her.

In the meantime Hotch was looking for JJ and he couldn't find her inside the station. He walked into the conference room where Emily was still going through the files of the victims.

''Prentiss, have you seen JJ?'' Hotch asked.

''Uhh, yeah, she just walked outside'' Emily said and she turned her focus back to the case when Hotch was already out the door.

Hotch walked outside the door and he looked outside and he couldn't see JJ anywhere. He walked around the station and there was no sign of her at all. He decided to go back inside to continue the interview with Susan Dunn.

JJ was walking back into the station after she walked outside for almost an hour. She walked inside and she saw that Hotch was already back in the conference room with Emily. JJ looked around and she saw that Susan was still sitting in the office. Once again JJ kept looking at the woman without showing any kind of emotion on her face. She hadn't changed a bit. Her hair was becoming grayish and she had some wrinkles but the rest of her expression was the same except for the fact that her eyes seemed somber. JJ wanted to walk into the room and tell her who she was and what she thought about the woman but a confrontation like that would let everyone know who she was and she wasn't planning on telling anyone that. She never wanted anyone to know that she was the daughter of a monster.

''JJ, where have you been?'' Hotch asked when he stepped behind JJ.

''I took a walk to clear my head''

''Is your head cleared now? Are you sane again?'' Hotch asked.

''What are you saying to me?'' JJ asked.

''You were out of line, JJ. I should suspend you for yelling to a witness who has done nothing wrong. Are you so stupid? Do you want to lose your job?'' he asked when he saw JJ staring back

''Suspend me. Fire me. Do whatever you like?'' JJ yelled at him in the middle of the station and people were looking at her.

Hotch grabbed JJ by the arm and he pulled outside with him. They walked around a corner and he finally let go of JJ.

''What the hell is the matter with you? You are acting like you have nothing to lose? What is happening to you? Where is the compassionate JJ? The JJ who can talk to a witness and make them calm down''

''Nothing. Just get off my freaking back for a second. I can't do this'' JJ yelled while the tears were in her eyes.

''No, I will not. We need all the help we can get on this, so I need you to get your ass in that conference room and do the job I tell you to do. One more outburst and I swear that I will report you to Strauss'' Hotch threatened.

''You are really threatening me? You don't scare me, Hotch. You never will. I will not let someone boss me around like this'' JJ said.

''Go inside now'' Hotch ordered and he kept standing in front of JJ until she walked back in the office.

He had no idea what triggered JJ to act like this but he knew something was wrong. She just wasn't telling him what was going on and Hotch didn't have the slightest idea about her past.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Another chapter. I know most of you want JJ to tell Hotch what is going on and why she is acting the way she is. I am writing JJ as a guarded and emotional in this story because of her past and she just has a lot to deal with, so I think that talking about it will be really hard for her but it will definitely happen. I hope everyone likes this chapter!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, spyagent001, the guest reviewer and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Father and daughter **

Prentiss, JJ and Hotch were all looking through the files when Rossi, Reid and Morgan were back with them.

''Did you guys find anything?'' Hotch asked, hoping they would have some clue to where Walters was hiding.

''I got some information out of the cellmate about his victims but nothing about the wife and daughter. He told me that there are more victims than the police believes'' Morgan explained.

''That was to be expected. Reid? Rossi? Anything?'' Prentiss asked.

''The old home is just a standard family home. Nothing out of the ordinary. The friends told us more and I think we might be able to find him. One of his old friends told us that Walters liked to hang out in the abandoned warehouses just outside the city. We already checked with Garcia and she gave us two addresses where he could be hiding'' Rossi said happily with the fact that they finally had a real lead.

''This might be the break we have been waiting for. Okay. We should check them out to see if he is hiding in there. Reid, Rossi and JJ take the first address. Prentiss, Morgan and I will take the second. Be careful. He is extremely dangerous and he will kill anyone who gets in his way'' Hotch said and everyone left to get ready for the raids.

The team climbed in the two SUV's. They already had their vests on and backup was following them to the addresses. They were all hoping for the best. They all wanted Walters back behind bars.

Reid, Rossi and JJ reached their destination and they cleared the warehouse. There was no trace of Clark Walters and they started to drive to the second address when they hadn't heard anything from the team. They were ten minutes away from the second address and they knew something had to be wrong be because no one was answering their cells. Rossi was driving while JJ and Reid kept dialing the numbers of their team members. JJ finally got a hold on Morgan.

''Derek, what is going on? We are five minutes from you guys!'' JJ said while she put the phone on speaker.

''_He is here. We went in and shots were fired. He is holding Hotch hostage and he threatened to kill him if we didn't get out the door. I am here with Prentiss and NYPD. Hostage Negotiations is on its way'' _Morgan said with a worried voice.

''Oh my god. We will be there in a couple of minutes. Hang on, okay. See you soon'' JJ said and she hung up the phone because she knew that Morgan had to focus on starting negotiations.

JJ was shaking in her seat at the thought of losing Hotch. She knew she had to do something stupid to safe him but she was willing to risk her life to safe Hotch. If risking her own life would mean saving him she would always do it. She trusted Hotch with her life and she knew he would do the same for her.

They pulled up in a mess of cars and police officers. The scene was crowded. JJ took off her vest and she left her gun in the car, knowing that her vest and gun would only threaten Walters. JJ followed Rossi and Reid to join Morgan and Prentiss.

''Was he hit?'' Rossi asked.

''We don't know anything'' Morgan replied.

JJ took their conversation as a chance to run past them and she started to make a run for the warehouse, knowing that the team would go ballistic.

''What the hell is she doing? JJ!'' Emily yelled and she wanted to run after her but Morgan was holding her back.

''Emily, don't. Don't'' Morgan yelled and he held Emily tightly in his arms.

JJ entered the warehouse through an old metal door. The warehouse was big and she had no idea where to go until she heard a raised voice yelling. It was Clark's voice. The adrenaline was pushing through her body but she didn't care. She knew she was the only one who might be able to solve this situation. JJ stopped behind a brick wall because she knew that she would be seen if she would walk a step further. JJ decided to announce her presence instead of walking it a once.

''Clark Walters. FBI'' JJ said as she showed herself with her hands in the air.

JJ walked inside the room. Walters had a gun pointed to Hotch's head but luckily he was still wearing his vest. JJ saw Hotch looking at her in astonishment of how stupid she was to go in there without any kind of protection for her life.

''Stop there'' Clark yelled.

''JJ! What are you thinking!'' Hotch said loudly and the fear was apparent in his voice. He knew JJ fit Walters' victims appearances and he couldn't believe that she would risk her life like that.

''Shut up!'' Clark yelled to keep control of the situation.

''You get over here, now!'' Clark yelled to JJ.

JJ walked closer to him and he pushed Hotch away from him. He grabbed JJ and he held her tightly in front of him with the gun pointed to her head now.

''If you move, I will kill her and I promise it will not be pretty. I will rip her apart like all the other whores I killed'' Clark yelled at Hotch.

Hotch saw JJ cringe when he started yelling. To him it seemed like she was just afraid because of the situation but it also looked like she was used to the raised voice in a way.

''I will do whatever you want, just don't hurt her'' Hotch said while he had his hands raised.

''JJ. Why?'' Hotch asked desperately.

''It is okay Hotch'' JJ said softly to Hotch and she felt like crying when she saw the fear in his eyes.

''Shut up! Now! If I hear one more word, I will kill the first person who is going to talk'' Clark yelled at both of them.

He suddenly slammed his gun against JJ's head and Hotch reacted when she fell down but he was stopped when Clark pointed the gun at him.

''JJ! JJ!'' Hotch yelled and he kept yelling out her name. He saw the blood coming from her head and he wanted to run over to her to check on her but the gun was still pointed at him.

''Well, Agent Hotchner, I promise I will enjoy JJ even more than I did with the others'' Clark said happily and he saw Hotch's angry face.

''You, son of a bitch. If you hurt her, I will kill you'' Hotch yelled angrily.

''No, you won't'' Clark said and he slammed the gun against Hotch's head too. Hotch fell to the ground as well which caused him to lose consciousness. JJ was still conscious and she felt herself being lifted up in his arms. The cold air suddenly hit her and she felt her body collide with the cold floor of a minivan. Walters bound and gagged JJ and he closed the doors to the minivan. JJ couldn't believe that the police didn't think about covering the entire building. JJ felt the car move and she knew this could be last couple of minutes of her life. She was just hoping that the team would find her in time.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Next chapter! I hope everyone likes it!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, JordanGoombette, spyagent001, the guest reviewer and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 8: The truth**

The team had been waiting outside for almost an hour when Hotch walked outside with a head wound. Hotch was feeling dizzy and he had a killing headache but he didn't care because he could only think about finding JJ. He watched as the team came running towards him.

''Where is JJ?'' Morgan asked worried.

''She's gone. He hit her over the head with a gun and then he slammed the gun into my face and I must have passed out because they weren't there when I woke up. We need to find her. He is going to kill her if we don't find her within the next two hours'' Hotch yelled and he was already walking away from the team to drive to the other warehouse because that is the only other place where Walters had enough privacy to torture and kill someone.

''Hotch stop. You need to be checked out by paramedics'' Prentiss said.

''No, we need to go back to the other warehouse'' Hotch replied and he kept walking.

''Why? We already cleared it'' Rossi said.

''Yeah but Walters doesn't know that. It's the only other place where he has enough privacy. He is going there, I know it. We have to go now!'' Hotch ordered.

The team took two SUV's and they started driving to the first warehouse. Morgan was in the car with Hotch.

''Hotch, she is going to be okay'' Morgan said to try and keep the man next to him calm.

''You don't know that. How could you even let her get in, Derek? You are supposed to be leading this team when I am not capable! How could you let her risk her life like that?'' Hotch yelled, knowing that it wasn't Morgan's fault because he knew JJ was always stubborn.

''We tried Hotch. She just ran in there without any notice. We will not lose her. JJ is going to be fine. She is strong'' Morgan replied.

''I hope so'' Hotch mumbled and another silence fell in the car. Hotch was seeing the pictures of Walters' victims and he couldn't imagine that JJ could end up like that.

Elsewhere JJ received a second blow to her head when she was struggling when Walters dragged her out of the car and into the warehouse. JJ lost consciousness and everything went black. Memories of her and Clark came rushing back to her and it felt like she was dreaming. It all seemed so real to her. It was like she was back in time. Like she was little Annie again.

JJ's eyes opened when she felt something invading her shoulder and the pain was unbearable. Her hands were tied above her head and she was gagged. She looked to her shoulder and she saw Clark pushing in the blade with a slow thrust and he went in as deep as he possibly could. JJ screamed out in pain when the knife went into her shoulder again and again. JJ could see that Walters was enjoying her pain. She tried to talk to him. To tell him who she was but she couldn't because she was gagged. JJ was struggling when he was about to stab her again but he kicked her in the stomach. JJ hissed out in pain again and she saw him enjoying it immensely. He was about to stab her again and then a door suddenly opened and JJ cringed. She saw Hotch storming inside and he pointed his gun at Walters. Walters stepped behind JJ and he put the knife against her throat. If JJ would move an inch she knew the knife would cut into her throat.

''Walters, let her go!'' Hotch yelled and he saw the blood coming from JJ's shoulder and he saw blood on her blouse as well.

''No. Drop your gun! Now!'' Clark yelled.

Hotch kept pointing the gun at Walters and he watched as Walters cut JJ's restrains and she fell to the ground. JJ was able to get the cloth out of her mouth before she was standing in front of Clark with a knife to her throat and JJ knew there was one option left. She was hoping that the man still had some kind of love inside of him.

''Get out of here! I will kill her'' Clark yelled.

''No! Let her go Walters. You will never walk out of here'' Hotch said loudly.

''Dad!'' JJ said softly.

''What did you say?'' Clark asked loudly and he pushed the knife into JJ's throat which caused a small cut and blood was flooding from the wound.

''Don't do it Clark! I will put a bullet through your head if you hurt her!'' Hotch yelled.

''Dad, it's me! Annie!'' JJ said softly and the tears were streaming down her face. The person she promised to never become again, was the person she needed to be to get out of this alive.

''Annie? You are lying!'' Clark yelled.

''No, I am Annie. Dad, please don't do this. Always and forever'' JJ said softly, knowing that her father had to know that it was really her.

''No, it can't be!'' Clark yelled.

''Mom left when I was seven. You held me and promised me that everything was going to be okay. You said always and forever. Remember?'' JJ said with a trembling voice.

Hotch was getting really confused when JJ started talking to Clark but he decided to see where she was going with it.

''Oh my god. Annie!'' Clark said and he let the knife fall to the ground.

At that same time Prentiss entered the room and she pushed Walters to the ground with force and she cuffed him.

JJ was still standing in the same spot and she felt paralyzed. She fell on her knees and her hand went to her shoulder and she hissed out in pain when she touched it softly. She saw Emily take her father away and she didn't know if anyone had an idea of what just happened. She suddenly looked up and she saw Hotch standing in front of her with anger on his face.

''Thank god that you are okay, JJ'' Hotch sighed but JJ stayed silent because she was still processing what had happened to her.

''JJ, tell me that wasn't real!'' Hotch said with a raised voice.

''What?'' JJ asked angrily as she was standing up.

''Are you…? I mean, are you?'' Hotch asked as he looked at the blonde in front of him and it felt like he had never known her at all. He finally realized why JJ had been on edge since the case. The woman he had been working with for nearly six years was Annie Walters. The daughter of a serial killer. Hotch couldn't believe it but when he thought about it, it made sense.

''Yeah, I am. It is me'' JJ said as she was standing in front of him.

''How?'' Hotch asked surprised when he saw that JJ was getting angry again.

''How could I live with myself, right?'' JJ said and she was about to walk away when Hotch held her back.

''Oh god, JJ. No!'' Hotch said and there was nothing more coming from his mouth.

JJ's comment hit him and he remembered what he had said on the plane.

''I need to go'' JJ said when she saw him thinking.

''Why did you never tell me?'' Hotch asked.

''JJ? Wait!'' Hotch said when she was walking away from him.

JJ just needed to get out of there and away from Hotch. Her past haunted her every day. She was always afraid that she would become like her father and that there was no good in her. The thing that scared her the most was the fact that he used to be a good man who loved his wife and daughter and then he turned into a monster. Someone who enjoyed other's pain. JJ had lived in fear of her dad for two long years. Whenever she saw him coming home at night or early in the morning with blood on his shirt she asked what happened and he would beat her and tell her she had no right to ask. The man JJ adored and looked up to was cold and evil.

JJ sat down on the edge of an ambulance while they were taking care of her wounds on her shoulder, stomach, head, throat and legs because she didn't want to go to the hospital. JJ looked around at the crowded scene and her eyes stopped when she saw Clark Walters sitting in the back of a squad car. She felt him looking at her and she didn't dare to make any eye contact with him. She couldn't look at him because she was ashamed of him. The families he had destroyed and the lives he had ruined were unaccountable. JJ felt like she had a duty to apologize to the family members of the victims but she knew it didn't matter because they already lost a loved one. The women he killed were someone's daughter, wife, mother, friend, aunt or even just someone people just knew and it would still hurt. JJ knew what it was like to lose a loved one. She lost her sister. JJ was adopted when she was eleven years old. She was welcomed into the arms of the Jareau family who lived in East-Allegheny and for the first time in her life she felt like she belonged again. Her adoptive parents loved her unconditionally and they still did. After JJ's sister committed suicide they only became closer and they didn't push her away. They never told her that she wasn't their daughter. They always treated her the same as her sister. JJ knew she had her life because of them. They were the ones who saved her when she was falling down. They lifted her up so high that she became more than she thought she could ever be. But somehow it all felt fake to her as she was sitting on the back of an ambulance, avoiding eye contact with the one man who defined her. The man who always had a power over her that she couldn't escape just like her mother, Susan Dunn. She was the woman who abandoned her for no good reason. JJ loved her parents when she was little, she really did and she was the happiest girl ever but it all changed after her mother left. Her father became abusive towards JJ and she wasn't happy anymore.

JJ was aware of Emily standing in front of her when she suddenly felt a cold hand on her good shoulder. She looked around and she saw that the paramedics were already done with her. She looked Emily in the eyes and she saw compassion. JJ did the only thing she knew she could use in that moment. She stood up and flew in Emily's arms. She finally cried in public for the first time.

''JJ. I am so sorry. I overheard the end of the conversation and I am just so sorry'' Emily said and she held a shivering JJ tightly in her arms. Emily never knew about JJ's past and when she heard it, she just couldn't believe it. One of her best friends had a buried past.

''It's going to be okay'' Emily said when JJ had pulled away and was just standing in front of her while wiping away the tears.

JJ saw the entire team standing a few feet away from them and she had no idea if Hotch already told them. JJ and Emily started walking back towards the SUV. JJ climbed in the backseat next to Reid while Morgan and Emily were sitting in the front. JJ had seen Hotch's worried face before she stepped in the SUV. Reid moved closer to JJ and she let her head rest against his shoulder. Reid was like JJ's brother and she could always laugh with him. She loved to listen him while he rambled on and on about something that he thought was exciting.

They all sat in total silence in the SUV and JJ was relieved about that because it meant that they didn't know about who she really was. They pulled up in front of the station and they all walked inside. JJ and Emily went into a bathroom, so JJ could change into some clean clothes. When she looked in the mirror she saw several bruises on her face. There was a bandage on her throat and her shoulder was covered with bandages to.

They joined the team in the conference room to talk about the rest of the case and what to do.

''Morgan and Rossi I want the two of you to talk to Walters. He probably has more victims and we need to know as much as we can get from him'' Hotch ordered and Rossi and Morgan left for the questioning.

''Reid, you should talk to Susan Dunn and explain to her what happened'' Hotch said and that left him with JJ and Emily in the room. He already knew that Emily also knew about JJ because he saw it in the way JJ cried on Emily's shoulder.

''JJ, we need to talk'' Hotch said.

''I am not in the mood'' JJ replied and she still didn't face him. She was ashamed and she felt so disgusted with herself. She was afraid that Hotch wouldn't look the same at her again. She was afraid of everything. She was afraid that her life was never going to be the same again when people knew about her past.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Next chapter! I hope you all like it!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, JordanGoombette and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 9: The breakdown**

In the meantime Rossi and Morgan were talking to Clark Walters and he wasn't reacting to a word he said until Morgan threatened to hurt his daughter. Morgan knew that if he had any feelings he would respond to someone hurting his only child.

''We can always find Annie and get some information out of her'' Morgan threatened.

''Don't you dare touch her!'' Clark yelled and he lost it.

''Oh Morgan you hit touchy spot there. Way to go, Clark'' Rossi said with a smirk on his face.

''So, Clark are there more victims?'' Morgan asked.

''I will only talk to Annie'' Clark said.

''She isn't here, Clark'' Rossi replied.

''Like hell she is. Tell agent Hotchner that I will only talk to Annie'' Clark yelled.

Rossi and Morgan decided to go to Hotch to tell him what was going on with their unsub because they didn't know what to do.

JJ didn't say a word to Hotch. She said some words to Emily and they were interrupted when Rossi, Morgan and Reid joined them in the conference room.

''What happened?'' Hotch asked.

''He isn't talking, Hotch. He said to tell you that he only wants to talk to Annie'' Rossi explained.

Hotch eyes rolled over to JJ and it didn't go unnoticed by Morgan and he started to look suspicious.

''Would you mind telling us what the hell is going on?'' Morgan asked angrily when he knew he didn't know something.

''Morgan, calm down'' Hotch ordered.

''Why is he asking for Annie? He was pretty convinced that you know her. I thought Garcia couldn't find her'' Morgan replied.

''Yes, Garcia couldn't find her. And I do know her. We all know her'' Hotch said and he looked back at JJ and he saw fear in her eyes.

''It's me guys'' JJ said softly.

''Like hell you are'' Morgan yelled when he realized who his friend was.

''Derek, please calm down'' JJ said to him and she stood up and walked over to him. She didn't know if he was acting like that out of anger, shame or surprise. She just hoped everyone would still accept her.

''JJ?'' Reid asked.

''JJ is Annie?'' Rossi asked after Reid.

JJ sat back down and she realized she had to explain what happened and why they weren't able to find her.

''I used to be Annie Walters. I am the daughter of Clark Walters and Susan Dunn. I am the one who reported my father to the police when I realized that he could be the person they were looking for. I was questioned by police but I was too scared to say anything. I was put into foster care. I went through twelve families to be exact. With the last family it got out of hand and I was taken away by CPS again but this time they told me that they had found a perfect family for me, I of course didn't believe it a first. I gave the new people at CPS the name Jennifer. I heard it somewhere and it just stuck with me '' JJ explained.

''So, you turned into Jennifer and Annie disappeared?'' Emily asked.

''Yes. I was Jennifer for two months until the adoption was officially processed. I met Todd, Eva and Megan Jareau. They called me from JJ from the first time they met me because I became Jennifer Jareau'' JJ explained.

''He wants to talk to you JJ. I think he won't be able to lie to you about what he has done but you would have to hear every detail. Can you do that?'' Rossi asked.

''No way. She is not going in there'' Hotch disagreed.

''Hotch, don't make this harder for me. If there are more victims out there than I need to help for the families to get some closure'' JJ explained.

''JJ, you have nothing to make up for'' Hotch said.

''I don't care. I need to do this''

''I can go in with you, JJ'' Emily said.

''Thanks Em. That would be best. I know that I can't do this on my own'' JJ said and she stood up from her chair and Emily followed.

Hotch was speechless by JJ's courage but he knew it could only make her hurt more to be confronted with the man that haunted her life. All he could do was watch through the glass while Clark Walters brought down the woman he loved further than he already had. The entire team was now standing behind the glass, waiting for Emily and JJ go inside the interrogation room.

JJ and Emily were still standing in front of the door. JJ was trying to prepare herself but she knew there was never enough time to prepare yourself to be confronted with the man that had done unspeakable things.

''JJ, are you absolutely sure about this?'' Emily asked again.

''No, I am not. But we need to know. I just don't get why he only wants to talk to me about the other victims'' JJ said softly and she started shaking.

''I don't know either JJ. Maybe he just want to see his daughter or…''

''or he wants to make my nightmare even worse. I mean, he has to know that I live with this every day and this might be a way to make it even worse for me'' JJ said.

''I could be. I don't know what to expect, JJ. He dropped the knife when he realized who you were. That means he didn't want to kill his own daughter. We will go in when you are ready for it'' Emily said to try and calm JJ down but she knew it wasn't working.

''Okay. Let's go'' JJ said and she opened the door.

JJ stared at the man in front of her. He was handcuffed and he was looking at her with a big grin and JJ didn't understand why he was looking like that.

''Annie, you are here. I knew the other agent would listen'' Clark said.

''My name is Jennifer Jareau now'' JJ said coldly.

''I am Emily Prentiss'' Emily said.

JJ and Emily sat down in the chairs across from Clark and there fell a silence for a little while. JJ kept adverting her eyes from the man in front of her. She didn't want to look at him, let alone talk to him but she knew she had to.

''We have a few questions for you Clark'' JJ said.

''Okay but I will only answer questions after you tell me about yourself'' Clark said with a grin.

Hotch was about to explode when he saw the man smiling and he wanted JJ to get out of there. The rest of the team had no idea what Clark was planning on doing to JJ. He could either play the so-called dedicated father or the serial killer who wanted to feed off her pain.

''JJ, you don't have to'' Emily said quickly.

''It's fine'' JJ said to Emily.

''What do you want to know?'' JJ asked while she was facing Clark.

''Tell me something about your personal life. Something no else here knows'' Clark said.

''I will tell you something about my personal life but I need to know how many women you killed. I will not tell you anything until you give me the number'' JJ said.

''Okay, I killed twenty-nine women in total'' Clark said happily and he started smiling.

Something inside JJ snapped when she saw him laughing about the women he killed. She wanted to wake him up but she knew she could never do that because he was a unsub. Her biological father was a serial killer. As she reminded herself of it, she still couldn't believe it sometimes.

''How can you laugh about that?'' JJ asked angrily.

''Oh, I see I hit a nerve Annie. Let me tell you, I enjoyed killing all of them. I loved what I did to them. I have no regrets'' Clark replied.

''Did you ever stop to think about what it would do to your family? To me?'' JJ asked.

''No never. Other people aren't important to me. But we had a deal Annie. Tell me something about yourself. Are you married? Do you have kids? Tell tell, we had a deal darling'' Clark said coldly and his expression was just cold, like there wasn't a single trace of humanity in him.

''I know, just…I have a son'' JJ mumbled.

''Oh, sweet. I hope he becomes like me. He has some of my genes. What about his father?'' Clark asked.

''He will never be like you. And I want to know where the bodies of the seven remaining women are!'' JJ said.

''Oh, I buried them in the backyard of the neighbors. They are probably all bones now'' Clark joked.

The team was still watching. Hotch was realizing that Walters only wanted to cause JJ more hurt because he didn't care about the consequences of more bodies. He just wanted to have one last time of torturing someone and JJ didn't even realize it yet.

''You are a bastard. I wish you were dead, you know that'' JJ yelled.

''Annie, calm down. You are not supposed say mean things to your old man'' Clark said.

''JJ, calm down'' Emily said softly.

''You are probably just like your mother. You would abandon your own family'' Clark said.

''I would never ever turn my back on my son. Never! I would never hurt him. Never! I would never in my life dream about killing someone…'' JJ said and the tears were welling up but she was just able to keep it under control.

''That's what you say now. Tell me about your sons father. Where is he?'' Clark said.

''So, I left him. That doesn't mean that I am like my own mother. I am a good mother'' JJ yelled.

''I told you, you are just a piece of trash like the other women I killed. I wish I killed you to. You are a disgrace'' Clark yelled.

The team was still watching when the situation was getting out of hand. Hotch was already yelling to officers.

''Get him out of there, now!'' Hotch yelled.

One of the officers walked inside the room to take Walters away and he put up a struggle.

''You should be dead'' Clark yelled.

JJ lost it and the tears were streaming down her face. Emily put a hand on JJ's back and she pulled JJ closer. JJ was crying on her arms and the tears were unstoppable.

''JJ, you did so good'' Emily said softly.

''It's going to be okay, JJ. You did good'' Emily said again.

Hotch stepped into the interrogation room and he pulled a chair up next to JJ. Emily knew that Hotch probably wanted a moment alone with JJ. The team could always see that JJ and Hotch were incredibly close. They sometimes didn't agree on things but never meant that they cared less about each other.

JJ pulled away from Emily and she leaned back in her chair. She watched Emily walk out the room. Hotch wanted to give JJ a hug but he knew she would pull away from him.

''It's my fault. I should have called the police sooner. I should have done something sooner'' JJ cried out.

''JJ, you were nine years old. This is not your fault. The weight of the world is not on your shoulders. You shouldn't blame yourself for something that Clark Walters did'' Hotch said softly and held on to JJ's hand.

''How could I not? I was the only one who was living with him and I knew that my father was doing something wrong when he came home with bloody clothes at night. I just can't let this go so easily, Hotch'' JJ said and she stood up from the chair.

As JJ walked out of the room she left a stunned Hotch behind. The JJ he knew was a fighter but she just seemed to have given up. Hotch knew that he couldn't even imagine what it was like to have father who was a famous serial killer. He also didn't know what happened to JJ in the two years that he started killing women in Kansas. Hotch stood up from his chair to go after JJ because he didn't want her to be alone. He ran out of the station and he heard sobs coming from the alley next to the station. He walked over there and he saw JJ standing with her back against the wall and she was still crying. Hotch stepped closer towards JJ and he put the strands of hair that were in her face back behind her ears. He cupped her face with both of his hands and JJ finally looked at him.

''I don't know what do to, Hotch. I don't know how I got here. How did I end up here? How did I become this person? Why am I this person?'' JJ asked while she was crying.

''JJ, look at me!'' Hotch said when she was looking away again.

''JJ, you are still you. I don't care about who your parents are. I only care about you and I know who you are. You are Jennifer Jareau. You are stubborn, passionate, compassionate, innocent, warm, strong, beautiful and a great mom'' Hotch said.

''It is not enough'' JJ replied.

''Yes, it is'' Hotch said.

''Why did you never tell me?'' Hotch asked when there fell a silence.

''Why would I? No one would have ever looked at me the same'' JJ explained and she walked away.

''JJ!'' Hotch yelled but she kept walking and he knew she needed the space.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Next chapter!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, JordanGoombette, the guest reviewer and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Going home**

JJ just walked. She had no destination. Nowhere where she was supposed to be. It felt like she didn't belong anywhere. She had no idea what she was going to do. She couldn't go back to DC and act like nothing had happened and just go back to her job. She needed time to figure out her life. She needed to find a way to come to terms with who she really was. JJ told herself to never look back at her past and she knew she handled it the wrong way but it wasn't like she had someone she could talk to. When she was adopted she didn't want to tell her new family who she was. She just felt that they wouldn't want her anymore and she was to happy to risk that.

JJ ended up in the same park as the night before. She sat down in the grass and she leaned against a tree. She still felt a cutting pain coming from her shoulder. Her head felt like it could explode. JJ kept sitting there, hoping that no one would come looking for her. She knew they had to go back to DC soon because the case was closed and other cases needed their attention to. JJ just didn't know how she could possibly go back to work when she felt like a train wreck. JJ turned around when she saw the black SUV in the corner of her eye. She looked up and she saw Hotch sitting in the front seat and he stepped out of the car and walked over to her. JJ was already standing and she met him halfway. They just looked at each other and Hotch pulled JJ into an unexpected hug and JJ obliged. She listened to his breathing while she felt Hotch press a kiss to her head. She wanted to pull away and kiss him on the lips like there was no tomorrow but she didn't know what Hotch wanted anymore.

''JJ, we are flying back in an hour. I asked the locals to take care of the last details. I want you to go home and take it easy. We will all be there for you'' Hotch said softly.

''I know'' JJ said.

They walked back to the car and to her surprise she saw her go-bag already in the car. She figured he took the liberty of packing her bag for her.

''I decided to pack your bags. I hope you don't mind'' Hotch said quickly.

''Of course not. Thanks. Is the team on their way to the airstrip as well?'' JJ asked.

''Yes''

''Did they find the other seven women?'' JJ asked suddenly while completely changing the subject.

''They found the first body an hour ago. They are still searching for the other bodies''

''Okay'' JJ said sadly and she turned her gaze out the window.

The rest of the drive was silent. Hotch glanced at JJ every couple of minutes to make sure that she was okay. He was having a hard time to read JJ and he had no idea how she was dealing with everything.

They reached the airstrip quickly. Hotch followed JJ onto the plane and the rest of the team had already taken a comfortable spot on the plane. JJ walked to the other end where there was an empty seat and it was also the most secluded from everyone. She knew the team was going to have questions but she just wasn't in the mood to talk about her life. JJ sighed deeply when she sat down and she pulled a blanket over her body. Her body was still hurting from the beating and stabs she had to endure but it was actually the last thing on her mind. JJ looked up when she felt someone looking at her and she saw that Hotch was staring at her intently and she glanced back for a couple of moments.

Hotch kept looking at JJ and he was worrying about her. He had no idea if JJ was dealing with everything. Hotch's mind suddenly went from wondering to acknowledging how beautiful she looked. _Wow, she is breathtaking. Even if she has some cuts. I hope she is doing okay. I want her to be okay! _Hotch thought to himself but he snapped back into reality when he heard someone next to him cough. Hotch looked to his side and he saw Rossi looking at him with amusement.

''What?'' Hotch asked when he saw a small smile form on his friend's face.

''You looked preoccupied with something'' Rossi said.

''Oh, Dave. Drop it, please'' Hotch pleaded because he hated it when Rossi would joke to him about something that he saw.

''I will drop it for now. How is she doing?'' Rossi asked as his eyes landed on JJ.

''I honestly don't know Dave. I don't think she is going to talk to me about it''

''Why not? She trusts you more than anyone on this team, Aaron. You two are the closest. We all see that and we don't mind. You just need to make sure that she is okay'' Rossi said.

''I am going to try Dave but I have no idea how JJ is going to react to it'' Hotch replied.

''We all don't know how JJ is going to act. We need to let her know that we are here for her. That is the best we can possibly do right now'' Rossi said and he knew there wasn't much any of them could do about JJ's situation. Rossi could see the real concern in Hotch's eyes and it worried him.

''I know. I will talk to her. I will'' Hotch said to reassure Rossi when he looked even more worried.

''Okay, I believe you'' Rossi said and he decided to stop the conversation before he was going to irritate Hotch.

In the meantime JJ was still sitting in the same spot. Her body was hurting but her heart hurt even more. When JJ looked at her shoulder she suddenly flashed back to an incident that happened with her father.

* * *

_Flashback 1990_

_Little Annie was crawled up in the corner of her bedroom. Her father had been gone for most of the night and Annie woke up with a nightmare. She looked for her dad all over the house but she couldn't find him anywhere. She suddenly heard a noise coming from downstairs and she knew her dad was back home. He went out at night since her mom left and he wouldn't come back until early in the morning and she didn't understand why he was away so much. There were a couple of times when he came back with bloody clothes but there were also times when he just came back home with his a bag._

_Annie softly walked down the stairs and she watched her father from one of the steps and she saw him putting his bag down and walk into the living room. Annie softly walked down the other steps until she was on the floor. She slowly made her way to the bag and she opened it. There was white shirt covered in blood in it. She slightly moved the shirt and she saw a knife. Before she could look for anything else, she was being pushed into a wall._

''_What do you think you are doing?'' Clark yelled after Annie collided with the wall._

''_I…I…I'' she tried to say but she was to scared for her own father._

''_You aren't supposed to go through my stuff. Go upstairs now!'' Clark yelled and he hit Annie in the face._

_She slowly stood up from the floor with a hand on her hurt shoulder while the tears were falling down the little girl's face. She didn't know her own father anymore and it confused her. She crawled in her bed and she started thinking about the times when her mom was still around for her._

* * *

''JJ, are you okay?'' a voice suddenly asked and it pulled JJ from her memory.

''Huh?'' JJ said.

''Oh, I am sorry Em!'' JJ said quickly at the dark-haired woman who was sitting across from her.

''It is okay JJ. Don't worry about it''

''Okay'' JJ said somberly and she returned her gaze ahead of her.

''How are you holding up?''

''I am doing great'' JJ lied and she knew Emily was never going to believe her but she just didn't feel like talking at that moment. It wasn't that she just didn't feel like talking, she just didn't want to talk about something that hurt her so much. She was afraid that they would look at her differently is she told them how she felt and everything that had happened.

''It is okay to talk about this. You can't keep this bottled up inside'' Emily said.

''It is too hard Emily. I don't want to talk about this now. I am tired and I want to get some sleep if you don't mind'' JJ said harshly and she let hear head rest against her seat and she closed her eyes before looking at Emily.

''Okay'' Emily said with worry in her voice and she decided to go back to the other end of the plane to be around the rest of the team.

JJ couldn't sleep during the flight, so she just kept staring out the little window. She wanted to run away from her life and never come back. She felt like she was being haunted and even though she knew that her father was behind bars again, it was just never going to change any of the damage that had been done. Not just to her own life but to the lives of the people who died because of him. JJ felt like she was the blame for what happened and that was a feeling she had been living with her entire life. It just resurfaced over the past few days.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Next chapter!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, spyagent001 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 11: The unexpected**

JJ was startled when her phone started ringing. She didn't pick up the first time but when it started to ring a second time she saw the team looking at her and she decided to pick up her phone.

''JJ'' she greeted hoarsely.

''_Hey JJ. It is Will. I wanted to ask you if Henry could stay with me for another day'' _Will asked from the other end of the line.

''Yeah, of course. I will pick him up the day after tomorrow'' JJ mumbled.

''_JJ, are you okay? You sound different''_

''I am fine. Don't worry Will''

''_Look, I want to apologize for our last conversation. I acted like a jerk''_

''No, you didn't. We were both not in the mood and I never meant to take it out on you, Will. It is fine. I will talk to you later'' JJ said.

''_Okay. Bye JJ'' _Will said and he hung up the phone.

JJ heard the line go dead and she dropped the phone on the small table in front of her. She sat up and she put her elbows on the little table. Her head rested in her hands and she groaned out on frustration. JJ suddenly heard someone walking closer to her and she looked up to see Hotch standing in front of her. He sat down in the seat across from her and he softly touched her hand for reassurance.

''Hi'' JJ said softly.

''Hey'' Hotch murmured.

''JJ, when are you going to stop avoiding the subject?'' Hotch asked.

''I don't want to talk about it. I can't right now. I just need some time, Hotch. Just let it be!'' JJ said with a raised voice and she watched Hotch pull his hand away.

''This is not you. I know you are a guarded person but never towards me, JJ. I don't know what we are right now because the last few days confused the hell out of me but you will always be my friend. No matter what!'' Hotch explained.

''That is nice to know'' JJ said reluctantly.

''JJ, why are you acting like this?''

''Hotch, I don't want to talk about this here. Not when everyone can hear us'' JJ said.

''Okay. Fine. Where? When?''

''I don't know, Hotch. Why can none of you just give me some space?''

''Because we are worried about you JJ! We know that this can't be easy on you and we all just want to help you through this'' Hotch explained.

''I know. We can talk later'' JJ said and she turned her gaze away from Hotch.

Hotch stayed in the seat across from JJ until they landed. They team had two SUV's to use to get back to their own homes. It was late and Hotch thought the paperwork could wait one day. Hotch insisted on driving JJ home and he was able to convince her. He knew she was in pain because she got into the SUV with a lot of trouble. The entire drive to her home was silent. JJ still didn't feel like talking. She would never be comfortable about her past. The things she went through were horrible and she knew there was a lot the team still didn't know and she wasn't planning on ever telling them any of it. JJ was awakened from her thoughts when she noticed that he pulled up in front of her building. When the car stopped she finally noticed that is was pouring with rain and she was surprised that she didn't noticed it before. She looked down the street and it was empty. No one was outside because of the weather. JJ was about to step from the car when Hotch told her to wait until he opened the door for her.

Hotch stepped into the pouring rain and he ran to the other side of the car and he grabbed JJ's go-bag first. He closed the door and he slowly opened JJ's door and he helped her out of the car. JJ was standing in front of Hotch and he had his hands on both of her arms. He didn't move an inch. He just stared into JJ's eyes and she stared back. She could feel the warmth radiating from his body when he took a step closer to JJ and she watched as he started to lean into her. He never took his eyes away from hers when he moved his head closer to hers. The look was so intense that JJ felt like she was melting but in the last second she was able to say something.

''We should go inside. You need to get dry'' JJ said.

''Yeah'' Hotch said confused and he pulled back.

JJ was followed inside her apartment by Hotch. She took of her jacket and she hung it over a chair because it was soaking. JJ's dark blue shirt was wet as well. She turned around and she saw that Hotch was soaked as well. JJ gestured him to take of his jacket but he was just staring at her.

''Hotch! You can take of your jacket if you want to'' JJ suggested.

''Oh, yeah thanks. Do you have shirt that I might fit?'' Hotch asked when he saw that his white dress shirt was wet all over.

''Yeah, I have something'' JJ said and she disappeared into her bedroom. She went through her dresser and she found the grey Georgetown sweater and she flashed back to the memory.

* * *

_Flashback 2008_

_JJ was pacing up and down her hotel room until she heard a knock on the door. She had no idea who it could be at that time of night but she instantly walked to the door and she looked through the peephole and to her surprise, she saw Hotch standing on the other side of the door. She opened the door quickly and she let Hotch in. _

''_Hey Hotch, what are doing here?'' JJ asked._

''_I was trying to sleep in the next room and I heard some moans and grunts coming from this room, so I thought something might have been wrong with you or the baby'' Hotch explained._

''_Thanks, that is very sweet but I am fine. He is just kicking a lot'' _

''_He?'' Hotch asked with astonishment._

''_Yeah, Will and I found out about two weeks ago'' JJ explained and she suddenly saw the hurt on his face. She remembered that same face when he first found out she was pregnant._

''_Congratulations JJ!'' Hotch said and he softly shook her hand._

''_Thanks Hotch''_

''_Here take my sweater. You should stay warm'' Hotch said and he pulled the grey Georgetown sweater over his head and he handed it to JJ. He watched as JJ pulled the sweater over her head._

''_Thank you''_

''_You don't need to thank me. We have to make sure that you and the little guy in there are all right'' Hotch said and he gave JJ one of his rare smiles._

* * *

JJ took the sweater from the dresser and she held it close to her chest. She never returned it to Hotch because she wanted to keep it for some reason. He was so sweet to her in that moment and she wanted to remember it by keeping the sweater. JJ made her way back into the living room and she saw Hotch sitting in one of the chairs and there were to mugs of hot coco on the coffee table. JJ held up the sweater and she saw Hotch's eyes lit up.

''Oh, I haven't seen that sweater in nearly two years'' Hotch said and he knew exactly when he gave the sweater to JJ and he never wanted to bother her about asking it back.

''I am so sorry for never returning it to you. I guess, it is now back with its rightful owner'' JJ said with a small smile and she sat down on the couch. She was still wearing her wet shirt but she was barely thinking about it when she saw that Hotch was standing up and starting to unbutton his shirt. JJ blushed when his shirt was open and she was looking at his muscular chest. She never expected him to be in such good shape and she never cared about that but she thought it only made him hotter. JJ stood up quickly when Hotch was taking off his shirt to put on the sweater. JJ disappeared into her bedroom and she didn't come out until she heard a soft knock on her door.

''JJ, I am changed. I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable'' Hotch said and he waited until the door opened. He sighed in relief when JJ opened the door right away and he saw that she was still blushing.

''Come on, the chocolate milk is getting cold'' Hotch said and he was followed into the living room by JJ.

Hotch sat back down in the same chair and JJ sat down on the coffee table across from him. Hotch looked at her shirt and he saw that the wet material was clinging to her body. His gaze went back to her eyes and he saw doubt and fear in them. Hotch knew his defenses started slipping the moment he helped her from the car. When he looked at her lips he could imagine kissing her. When he looked at her hands he imagined them around his neck while they were having a passionate kiss. In one second he pulled JJ onto his lap and she didn't struggle against his force. She was straddling his lap while he was cupping her face with one of his hands while the other was on one of her legs. JJ put one of her hands on his shoulders and she started to lean in when Hotch was moving closer as well. JJ felt Hotch's breath against her skin and she felt the sparks go through her entire body. He softly lingered in the same place for a while until he felt JJ's hand in his neck and softly pulling him closer. He leaned in and his lips softly brushed against hers. JJ enjoyed the feeling and she softly moaned into his mouth and she felt one hand move to her back and the other was sneaking up her leg. Hotch deepened the kiss when JJ responded and he let his tongue trace along the line of her lips and he started asking for entry. JJ slowly opened her mouth and she tasted a hint of chocolate milk. They were both caught up in the passionate kiss. JJ moved her hands from his neck to his chest and she felt the beating of his heart. All the pain she felt was slowly fading away. Both of Hotch's hands were around her waist and one of them was toying with the hem of her wet shirt. JJ flinched when his hand was suddenly under her shirt and going up her left side. JJ pulled away and she climbed off his lap.

''Did I do something?'' Hotch asked immediately and he was completely confused by JJ's actions.

''No. I..I..just…we shouldn't do this. Like you said in the hotel, you are my boss. This is not a good idea'' JJ said quickly and she made the space between her and Hotch bigger.

''JJ, what is it?'' Hotch asked again.

''Nothing. You should go! I need some sleep. I will see you at the office tomorrow'' JJ said and she turned around and she walked into her bedroom. She closed the door and she dropped herself against it.

Hotch was left stunned in the living room, having no idea of what had just happened. He rose from the chair and he decided to just leave. He knew JJ wasn't going to say anything and space was probably the best thing she could get in that moment. He left with hesitation but he didn't want to force JJ into anything.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: This chapter is a bit longer because I might not be able to update tomorrow. I will try my best to do it but I can't promise anything. One of the flashbacks in this chapter will continue in another chapter.**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, spyagent001 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 12: The last straw**

**Three weeks later, Police Station Portland…**

The team had been in Portland for almost a week. JJ got a call from one of the detectives and she knew they had to help them with this case immediately. The unsub was abducting teenage girls and he killed them after he held them captive for almost two days. There were already nine victims and another girl went missing almost two days ago and everyone knew that the chances of finding her were very slim. The team knew who the unsub was but there were no addresses in his name, so Garcia was working her magic to try and find him and everyone was hoping that she was going to succeed. JJ was doing everything she possibly could to keep herself together. She never thought that doing her job could be so hard on her but it became harder every day and she didn't know how much longer she could keep up with the team. Ever since her encounter with Hotch she had been avoiding him. They talked about it the next day in the office and JJ thought back to the moment.

* * *

_Flashback – The day after the kiss_

_JJ had been avoiding Hotch all day. The team was working on the Walters' case and JJ was working on other cases. The last thing she wanted was to work on something that could only make her feelings worse. Her feelings were all over the place and she didn't know what she was supposed to feel. She had been relieving every second of her kiss with Hotch but she had also been thinking about every moment she shared with her father. JJ felt conflicted and she didn't know how she was ever going to be able to deal with everything. Avoiding Hotch was one of the things that she just needed because a confrontation would be too hard on her because she didn't know what she wanted anymore._

_JJ closed the last file and she rose from her chair to get her stuff together before going home. Strauss told her to take a couple of days off to recover from her injuries but JJ knew that sitting home alone wasn't going to help her heal at all. She just wanted to go on with her life. JJ walked out of her office and she thought she got away without talking to Hotch until he stepped in front of the elevator and blocked her path. _

''_Hotch, can you please step aside?'' JJ asked nicely._

''_No, JJ. You have been avoiding me all day and I am sick of it. We need to talk, now!'' Hotch ordered and he saw JJ looking at him with anger._

''_My office!'' Hotch ordered and he waited until JJ turned around and started making her way into the bullpen._

_Hotch followed JJ into his office and he kept standing a few feet away from her. They were both frozen in the same spot, just looking at each other. Hotch saw so much hurt and love in her eyes at the same time that it confused him. He wanted to be with JJ more than anything. Jack loved JJ and he loved to be a big brother to Henry. Everything in their lives would match together but he felt like there was something that was holding JJ back. _

_Hotch took a couple of steps forward until he was only a few inches away from her and their bodies almost touched. Hotch took both of her hands in his and he saw JJ glancing at the ground. He knew he couldn't make the decision for her._

''_JJ, what do you want?'' Hotch asked gently._

''_Hotch, I care about you so much! I am just not ready. I need time'' JJ said honestly and she knew it was the truth. She wanted to be with him so badly but she needed to deal with everything first. _

''_I understand. I am here for you!'' Hotch said disappointed but he understood JJ decision and he was going to respect that._

''_Thank you, Hotch'' JJ said softly and she pulled away from._

_Hotch watched her as she disappeared from his office and into the empty bullpen. He wanted to run after her and tell her that he could help her but he knew it was never going to change her mind, so he decided to give her the time and space she needed._

* * *

Hotch was looking at JJ intensely and he knew she was thinking about something because she was just staring ahead of her while there was a file open in front of her. Hotch made his way to the desk where JJ was sitting and she still didn't acknowledge him. Hotch put his hand on her shoulder and JJ jumped from her chair.

''Hey, are you okay?'' Hotch asked with worry.

''Uhh, yeah, I am fine. I was just thinking and…..'' JJ said but she was interrupted by the ringing from her phone.

''JJ'' JJ greeted.

''_Hey my bestes friend. I have the address of the unsub'' _Garcia said.

''Okay. Send it to our phones. Great work, Pen!'' JJ complimented and she hung up the phone.

''What is it?'' Hotch asked curiously.

''Garcia found Ryan Kesslar's address. She is sending it to us as we speak'' JJ explained and she rose from her chair and she followed Hotch into the office where the rest of the team was sitting.

''We have the address. We have to go now! Rossi, Prentiss and Reid take one SUV. We will take the other'' Hotch ordered and everyone got into action immediately.

The team stepped into the SUV's when they were geared up and they made their way to the address that Garcia had given them. JJ was sitting in the backseat and she felt a pair of eyes on her every couple of minutes and she knew it was Hotch because he was still worried about her. They only talked about work and nothing else and she knew he wanted to know more about her past but she wasn't letting anyone in. JJ kept thinking until they had reached the house and she put off her mind and she listened to Hotch's orders.

''Rossi and Prentiss, take the barn. Reid and Morgan, I want the two of you to clear the ground floor of the house and JJ and I will clear the first floor. Come on!'' Hotch said and they all went into positions to enter the house at the same time.

JJ followed Hotch up the stairs and they split up when there were rooms to the right and left. JJ took the right and there were two rooms. She cleared the first while the adrenaline was pumping through her veins. She slowly opened the door to the second room and she saw the body of a young girl laying in a pool of blood. The unsub was hovering over the body. He stood up the moment he saw JJ. She pointed her gun at him within seconds. The unsub held the knife in front of him and JJ flinched when the sunlight hit the knife and reflected into her eyes. She suddenly felt her body go numb and she flashed back to the one moment she swore to forget. Out of all the memories that was the worst one she had to carry with her. The pain and shame was too much for her.

* * *

_Flashback 1991 – Four months before the arrest _

_Nine year old Annie was laying in her bed. She had to go to school the next day and she already went to bed really late but she couldn't sleep. Her father was having one of his weekly poker nights with his three best friends. Music was on and they were always drinking. Annie was never able to sleep at those night because they would make noise until early in the morning. Annie missed her mother because her father had changed so much since she left. He was barely paying any attention to her anymore and when he did he would beat her or yell at her. She was scared in her own home and she was hoping that everything was going to change. Annie pulled the blankets over her when she suddenly heard footsteps on the hallway floor. She suddenly heard her door open and she heard multiple footsteps coming into the room._

''_We are going to have some fun'' a harsh voice said._

_Annie looked up from the blankets and she saw one of the man next to her father holding a knife and the reflection of the knife hit her eye…_

* * *

JJ was pulled from her memory when she heard a gunshot. Her gun was pointing to the floor and she was shaking and her knees were going weak and she almost fell to the ground but Morgan was able to help JJ stand. JJ looked up when she felt a presence in front of her and she looked up to see Hotch standing in front of her. He was talking and making gestures but JJ didn't hear any of it because she felt like she was in a haze. Like she couldn't move or talk. Morgan pulled her with him to one of the SUV's and he put JJ in one of them and they drove back to the station. She never talked to anyone. The team was closing the case and JJ was just sitting in a chair as time went by and she felt drained. She had no emotions and she had nothing to say. Her actions almost caused her, her own life. She would never forget that. Luckily, Hotch and Morgan came in on time, otherwise she would have been dead but even when JJ thought about it, she just didn't care. She only cared about the girl who died because they weren't there sooner and her own life didn't matter much to her anymore and she knew it was awful to think that because she had Henry but she felt like he would be better off without her.

The next thing she knew she was already sitting in a car again and they were on their way to the airstrip to fly back home. JJ took a seat on the plane and she let her thoughts go.

During the flight home JJ decided to sleep because she wasn't in the mood to talk about what happened that day. Her mind kept going back and forth. She was weighing all her options. JJ had decided to resign and go back to East-Allegheny. She was going to stay with her parents to figure out what she was going to do next. Will was probably going to be very happy because there was no reason for him to be sticking around in DC and JJ knew he would be going back to New Orleans. JJ just had to figure out how to tell the team and explain why she was leaving when she didn't even have a explanation herself yet. She knew that her mistake wasn't going to be a good enough reason for them. For JJ it was the last straw. She had been feeling like she was falling apart ever since they came back from her father's case and she couldn't keep working with the way she felt.

The flight was eight hours and the team went to the office after they landed. When they were back at the BAU, JJ decided that she needed to tell the team but she had to go to Strauss first. She wanted to announce her resignation to Strauss and not to Hotch because she knew he would be able to persuade her to do something else when she just knew that she needed this.

They stepped out of the elevator and JJ started walking towards Strauss' office while the team headed into the bullpen.

''JJ, where are you going?'' Emily asked when she saw JJ walking in another direction.

''I will explain it in a couple of minutes. I will be back. I promise'' JJ said and started walking.

She sighed deeply before she entered Strauss' office. JJ knocked on the door and she got permission to enter.

''Agent Jareau, how can I help you?'' Strauss asked sternly.

''Well, I just decided on this today. I think you might have heard about what happened today'' JJ hinted.

''Yes I did. Agent Hotchner informed about everything. I am so sorry that you had to go through that, Jennifer. Please have a seat'' Strauss said kindly.

''Thanks Ma'am'' JJ said and she was pleasantly surprised by her sudden kindness.

''What is it?'' Strauss asked when she saw a grieving expression on JJ's face.

''I have decided to resign from the FBI effective immediately''

''Okay. Why?'' Strauss asked surprised. She didn't know JJ that well but from what she had heard about the blonde was that she was an asset to the team and that they couldn't miss her.

''I think that I don't have the right judgment to work with this unit anymore. Right now, I can finally feel what Elle and Gideon must have felt. I never thought I would do this but I don't have the capacity to do this job anymore. What happened today was the last domino for me. Seeing the body of that girl and they way I handled myself could have caused people their lives. I am sorry if I have disappointed you'' JJ explained.

''I understand but do you think that you might come back to the FBI?''

''I don't know. I just need time to clear my head and to get myself together. I hope you can understand, Ma'am''

''I do Jennifer. We will put you on leave and whenever you want to come back, your job will be waiting for you. I can assure you that it will be there when you do decide to come back'' Strauss said kindly

''Thank you for your understanding'' JJ said and she walked out of the office.

Her decision was official. She was leaving and she didn't know if she was coming back. She hoped that she would find what she needed one day.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I am so sorry for the extremely short chapter but I had to move today so I couldn't update sooner. I hope you all still like it!**

**Special thanks samcarter1980, spyagent001 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 13: First goodbye**

JJ walked back in the bullpen and she saw everyone except Hotch sitting in the conference room. JJ made her way up to the catwalk and she entered the conference room. The faces told her that they knew something was going on. JJ saw Garcia running towards her and it was the first time she had seen her since the long case in Portland and JJ knew that the entire team must have already known about her freezing during the raid. Garcia hugged her tightly and JJ knew that the team told her that she froze during the raid.

''Poor JJ. I am so sorry. Tell us whenever you need something'' Garcia said.

''Okay, I need something'' JJ said.

''What?'' Reid asked curiously.

''You guys should sit down. I have some news and I know none of you is going to like it'' JJ said softly.

''JJ, you are scarring me'' Morgan confessed.

''I am so sorry guys but I have decided to resign'' JJ said quickly.

''What?'' Garcia yelled.

''Why?'' Reid asked.

''No way'' Morgan grunted.

''Okay'' Rossi said.

JJ was trying to listen all of them but they were just rambling and she couldn't understand a word of what they were saying to her. She saw that Emily was the only one who wasn't talking. She was just looking stunned.

''I am sorry. I just know that I can't do this job anymore. I have lost the foundation that I have been building for years. I thought I could work through this but I can't when I am here and I know I won't be able to do the job like I used to. I have been feeling worse since we came back from Kansas and after what happened today, it is not right for me to be here. I could have died today and I brought every single member of this team in danger because I froze during a raid. I just don't know how to do this job anymore when I feel like I am falling apart'' JJ explained.

''JJ, I understand but do you think you can get through this alone because shutting us out is not going to work'' Emily said.

''I am not shutting you out. I would never leave and lose contact with any of you, Em'' JJ said.

''Where are you going?'' Reid asked sadly.

''I am going back to East-Allegheny. I already talked to my parents and I can stay there with Henry until I have my own place'' JJ said.

''How long?'' Morgan asked.

''I don't know'' JJ replied.

''No no no no! This is ridiculous JJ. You are not leaving!'' Garcia said loudly.

''Pen, I am so sorry. I just can't change how I feel'' JJ said.

''When will we see you? What are we supposed to do without you?'' Garcia asked.

''I promise that I will come back, Pen. And you have all those amazing people around you. You guys will be fine without me. Believe me, I have seen what you guys can do without me'' JJ said and she took a few steps back.

''Don't sell yourself short Jennifer Jareau. Come here, I need a hug'' Rossi said and JJ saw the tears welling up in his eyes.

JJ stepped closer to him and she was embraced by him. JJ had never seen Rossi emotional because he was always someone who didn't seem to care.

''Take care of him, Dave'' JJ whispered.

''I will'' Rossi said softly and he stepped back to let Reid hug JJ next.

''Spence, be a genius and don't let Morgan tease you'' JJ said.

The next one to hug her was Morgan and he held her tightly.

''Be safe princess'' Morgan said when he let JJ go.

JJ was hugged next by JJ and Emily had the same time and the tears were now falling down her face and she was hoping that she wasn't making a mistake. But she knew she had to do this. JJ finally pulled away and she took a few steps back and she looked at her BAU family.

''I love you guys. Please take care of each other and don't let anything bad happen. Oh, I am so sorry'' JJ said and the tears were becoming worse and worse.

''We love you to, JJ. Come back when you are ready'' Emily said and with those words they watched JJ walk away.

While JJ was saying goodbye to the team, Hotch was called in by Strauss for an emergency meeting and he thought it was about to case. He had no idea that JJ decided to resign. He was ready to defend JJ on the mistake she made during the raid.

Hotch walked inside Strauss' office and he felt the tension right away. He saw Strauss looking at him with an angry face and he had no idea why.

''I hope you are proud of yourself, Agent Hotchner'' Strauss said angrily.

''What are you saying, Ma'am?'' Hotch asked.

''As a result of Agent Jareau's resignation the future of the BAU will be unknown'' Strauss said.

''Resignation?'' Hotch asked. He had no idea what was going on.

''You don't know?''

''What am I supposed to know?'' Hotch asked.

''Agent Jareau resigned about half an hour ago. She told me she needed time to get herself together and her job here would only make it harder on her. I told her that her job will be here when she comes back because I want her to come back as soon as possible but I can't keep the spot of media liaison open'' Strauss explained.

''Why wasn't I informed about this?''

''I thought she already talked to you about this. I still don't how you let this happen. Did you allow her to be there during a raid when she was just confronted with her father about three weeks ago?'' Strauss asked angrily.

''I didn't allow anything. She is a part of our team and she assured me that she was able to be in the field. I thought she was doing okay. This isn't the outcome we had hoped for'' Hotch replied.

''The outcome you had hoped for? We just lost a valuable part of your team. I hope for you she is coming back because we both know your team will never work the same without her'' Strauss said.

''I am sorry, Ma'am. I didn't know she was resigning'' Hotch said and he couldn't believe that JJ went behind his back to make such an important decision.

''You can go now'' Strauss said.

Hotch walked out of the office and he went straight to JJ's office to talk to her. He found her office stripped of all of JJ's personal belongings and he realized she was already gone. Hotch ran back into the bullpen to ask someone on the team when JJ left.

''Where is JJ?'' Hotch asked quickly.

''Uh, she went to the administrator's office and after that she would leave'' Reid said.

Hotch knew JJ needed to go the parking garage to get her car to leave. He went down there as quickly as possible and he was relieved when he saw that JJ's SUV was still there. He leaned against her car and he decided to wait for to confront her.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This chapter is M-Rated! I hope everyone likes it!**

**Special thanks to spyagent001 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 14: The unexpected goodbye**

JJ reached the parking garage and she started walking towards her SUV. She walked around to the driver's side when she saw Hotch leaning against her car. He looked angry and hurt. She was hoping she wouldn't see him before she was leaving and she also knew how selfish that was but she would never be able to explain it to him of all people.

''Hotch, I…'' JJ said but there were no words.

''I don't get a goodbye? You couldn't even tell me that you resigned?'' Hotch said with disappointment.

''Hot…''

''….You say goodbye to everyone but me. Why?'' Hotch said angrily.

''Let me expl…''

Hotch kept interrupting JJ every time she tried to say something. JJ felt her heart shatter when she saw the hurt in his eyes. She never intended on hurting him by not saying goodbye.

''After everything we have been through, I can't believe that is how you want things to end. I might have been a bully or a controlling boss but I deserved more, especially from you JJ. We have been close friends for years and I stood by you through everything. We had an amazing kiss and I gave you space because you asked for it. I did what you asked and you still resign without saying goodbye to me. I can't believe you'' Hotch said and he walked away, leaving JJ standing by her car when she wanted to explain.

JJ watched as he walked to his car and drove away. JJ kept standing a little while longer. She wanted so badly to be a different person but she wasn't. Hotch left her standing without hearing an explanation and JJ was getting pissed. JJ finally stepped into her car a couple minutes later and she decided to go by Hotch's apartment to confront him. She talked to Will and she told him she was picking Henry up before she was leaving DC.

JJ drove fast because the emotions were all surfacing. She felt like her life was the biggest mess she had ever made. JJ just wanted Hotch to understand her decision and she knew he had a reason for being mad but he had no right to leave her standing when she wanted to explain everything. JJ pulled up in front of the building and she jumped out of her car.

JJ was standing behind his door and she let her fist slam on the door. She knew Jack was with Jessica because told her that and that meant that she could yell as hard as she wanted to. The door opened and a he standing in front of her in his suit with a drink in his hand.

''You want a goodbye, Hotch? I will give you one right now!'' JJ said loudly.

''JJ, calm do…'' Hotch tried to say but this time JJ was playing the interrupter.

''You think I didn't say goodbye to you because I don't care about you?

''Yes'' Hotch said.

''I can't believe you. You say we have been close friend, right? If we were so close you would know one thing about me. Even after six years you still don't know me!''

''You should have talked to me about your resignation, JJ. Why didn't you?'' Hotch asked.

''I couldn't''

''Why?'' Hotch asked in a softer tone of voice

''Because it is too damn hard, Hotch. I am going to miss everyone so much. But I can't even explain to you how much I am going to miss you. When I think about not being able to talk you every day it just hurts too much. When I think about not seeing you every day it makes me not want to go. When I think about not kissing you again I die a little inside. Okay? So, if you think I didn't say goodbye because I don't care about you, you are wrong it is because you mean so much more to me. I hope you are happy with your goodbye because now you have one'' JJ yelled for the last time and she was about to walk away.

''JJ!''

''What?'' JJ yelled.

''Wait! Don't leave like this JJ'' Hotch said and he pulled JJ inside.

Hotch closed the door behind them and he pushed JJ against the door. He wasn't going to let her walk away without a real goodbye. Without any warning he was walking closer to her. JJ breath hitched and her heart started beating faster with each step he came closer. JJ tried to think but as he was coming closer she could only feel the warmth of his body against her own. She felt a rush go through her body when his hands went to unbutton her white blouse. He started out calm but he lost his control with the last buttons and he ripped her blouse open. They kept their eyes locked the entire time and they both felt overwhelming love. He wanted to lose all of their clothes. He wanted no barriers between them. He let his hands softly land on her waist and he leaned forward to whisper in her ear and then he smelt the coconut scent from her soft blonde hair.

''You are so beautiful'' he whispered in JJ's ear and he felt her shiver while he was still holding her.

Tears were stinging in her eyes at his admission. The man she loved told her what she wanted to hear. She felt a thrill of excitement going through her body but there was also the fear of letting go. She knew she was leaving and she didn't know what would happen when she would leave. She didn't want to hurt him. But as she felt his warmth against her all her thoughts disappeared and were replaced by love and desire.

''Please don't cry'' he whispered in her ear.

''I can't help it. I don't want this to end. I don't want to let you go. I know we didn't even start but I am already afraid of losing you'' JJ said softly and the first tear rolled down her cheek.

He leaned down and he kissed her tear away. The feeling of his lips on her skin made a fire inside her burn. The feeling was so overwhelming that it made her body go weak. She had felt love before but not like this. His touches unbalanced her. It made her feel loved and special in every way possible.

''Take care of me Hotch'' JJ whispered in his ear.

That was all he needed to hear and he put a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth. He let his lips brush against hers and they molded together perfectly. The movements of her brushes were soft but passionate. He heard her moan softly when he was coaxing her lips apart.

She let him in and their tongues brushed softly and they intertwined. She tasted a hint of scotch and she knew it was the typical Hotch taste. She felt her body shiver when she felt his arousal pressed against her leg.

JJ moved her hands to his suit jacket and she softly pushed it off his shoulder. She made her way to the buttons of his dress shirt and she tugged the shirt from his pants. The shirt joined his jacked on the floor. She pulled her lips away from his to look at his upper body. Her hands were on his broad shoulders and she saw the sweet dimples appear on his face and she knew everything would be okay. She let her hands trace over his scars and she felt so sad for a moment when she thought about what he went through. She leaned down and kissed all the scars one by one.

Hotch felt a wave of security hit him when JJ was kissing his scars and he knew they didn't scare her. It was a sign of love that he never knew. He pushed her back against the door when their lips made contact again. He wanted to rip the clothes of her body but he wanted to try and take it easy. He pulled of her blouse and he moved his hands to her breasts. He felt her hardened nipples through her bra. His hands sneaked behind her back and he took of her bra. He started to softly nip at her neck and he moved down to her chest. He kissed both of her breasts. JJ was working on taking of his pants but the shiver through her body didn't make it easier and she started to laugh softly when she still couldn't succeed. Hotch pulled away and he looked at her expression.

''I am so sorry'' JJ said softly.

''Don't be. It's fine JJ. I will help you''

''No let me'' JJ said.

Her hands went back to his belt. She took it off and let if fall to the ground. As she unzipped his pants, she could already feel his excitement press into the palm of her hand. She made quick work of pulling down his pants and he was left standing in his boxers. She looked at his perfectly fit body. He had a toned body but he wasn't overly muscular. She was never able to see what he hid under his suit and she was really impressed.

He watched her as he saw her eyes flow over his body. He took her distraction as a way to surprise her. He gently swept her up in his arms and he started moving towards the bedroom.

''A perfect gentleman'' JJ whispered while she was in his strong arms.

''Just wait'' Hotch teased.

He put her on the middle of the bed. She was laying on her back and she didn't move. He moved his hands to the zipper of her skinny jeans and he pulled them down. He pulled her panties down to and he stepped out of his boxers. He moved on top off her. He leaned down for another passionate kiss. He moved his kisses down her body. He put a soft kiss to her inner thigh when she couldn't take the teasing anymore.

''Hotch, I don't want to wait anymore'' JJ whispered softly.

''JJ, are you sure?'' Hotch asked before they were really crossing that line.

''I am more sure than I will ever be'' JJ replied softly.

Hotch moved back on top of her and he kissed her on the lips again. He slowly entered her with one thrust. They both moaned out at the contact. He saw her closing her eyes.

''Look at me, JJ'' Hotch said and she opened her eyes for him.

''You are mine, JJ. I will wait for you until you are ready. Promise me that you will give us a chance when you are ready'' Hotch said.

JJ felt the tears in her eyes and they fell down her face. He was still waiting for an answer. He was asking her to become his. He was claiming her and she felt her heart ache for the idea to belong to him and to be his entirely. She wanted him to want her, even after everything they had said to each and after everything he found out about her past.

''I am yours. I promise'' JJ whispered and her heart skipped a beat when she saw the smile on his face.

He gave her a powerful kiss and he started moving slowly. The spirals of pure pleasure went through both of their bodies. She gave herself to him completely and she felt his lips in the crook of her neck. A void in her life was filled. It was a void she never knew existed. He made her complete again. They matched their movements and they were both overwhelmed by the intense passion.

He felt her body tighten as his thrust became faster and more unsteady when he was losing his own control completely. He thrust into her one more time when they both released themselves. She felt her body tense up and completely let go after. He collapsed next to her.

JJ moved into his side and she put her head above his heart. She listened to the steady beats of his heart. He wrapped his arms tightly around her. He never wanted to let go of her. His head was above hers and he smelt the sweet scent of coconut. He inhaled deeply before they both drifted off into a deep sleep.

JJ was woken up in Hotch's strong arms when the alarm on her phone went off and she knew she had to leave. She slowly moved to the nightstand to turn off her phone. She tried to be as quiet as possible to not wake him up. She moved from the bed and she started gathering her clothes. She walked into the living room to grab her blouse and she took his clothes with her and she put them on his dresser. She finished the buttons on her blouse and she knelt down next to the bed. JJ just looked at him while he was still asleep and she couldn't believe that she was actually leaving but she knew she had to.

''I will miss you'' JJ said and she put a soft kiss on Hotch's head.

She slowly made her way to the door and turned around to take one last look at him before she was leaving.

The night before was amazing and she didn't know how she could ever live without him. She just had to leave to find out what she wanted. Staying in DC wouldn't help her and being with Hotch would only make her lose her sanity. JJ stepped in her car and she drove away. She was leaving behind the one person who made her complete and knowing that hurt her. She just knew that she needed to know who she was and what she wanted with the rest of her life.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Another chapter! I hope everyone likes it.**

**Special thanks to Twilightangell (Thank you so much for taking the time to review! It isn't a problem if you don't review. It is nice to know that you are still reading my story), spyagent001, samcarter1980 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 15: Leaving DC**

When JJ got back to her apartment she packed suitcases with clothes and stuff she was going to need. She decided to keep her apartment in DC for a couple of months because she was going to stay with her parents, so she could keep paying rent. JJ walked into her bedroom and she stopped when she was looking at a photo frame with a picture of the team, Jack, Henry and herself in it. Jack and Henry were sitting in front of the team. JJ and Hotch were standing next to each other and Hotch had a hand around her waist. JJ thought they looked like a couple in that picture. She let her hand trace along the faces of everyone and she stopped at Hotch's face. A tear fell on the picture and JJ put the frame in her suitcase. She was ready to leave and she only needed to pick up Henry. JJ grabbed everything and she looked around the apartment one last time before she walked out the door.

It was 8 am when she arrived at Will's apartment. She walked up the stairs and she stopped in front of the door. The place was familiar to her because they used to live there together. JJ knocked on the door and Will opened the door for her.

''Hey JJ'' Will greeted.

''Hey'' JJ greeted as she walked inside.

''How is the little man?'' JJ asked. She had missed Henry terribly and the one upside of going to East-Allegheny was that she could spent all her time with him.

''He's fine. He still asleep. Are you okay?'' Will said.

''Okay?''

''Yeah, you look sad'' Will said compassionately.

''I am just having a hard time with my decision but I know it is the best'' JJ said softly.

''Look JJ, I don't want to interfere in your life and I know I shouldn't but why did you quit? When were still together I asked you to quit and you told me that you couldn't because your job was who you are. What changed?'' Will asked.

''A lot has happened this year, Will. I just need some alone time without any interruptions. I hope you understand''

''Of course. I think Henry is going to love it. He needs all the time he can have with you'' Will said.

''Yeah, I really need to spend time with him. Is he in the nursery?'' JJ asked and she walked towards the nursery when Will nodded.

JJ walked back into the same room as Will with Henry asleep in her arms. JJ gave Will a small smile and she held Henry tightly.

''Thank you Will'' JJ said.

''Always JJ. We might not be together anymore but I will always be here if you need someone to talk to''

''Okay. Well, I have to get going now. I will see you!'' JJ said and she left the apartment.

JJ walked out the door. She carefully put Henry in the car seat while trying to not wake him up. She put the last things in the SUV and she drove away.

The drive from DC to East-Allegheny was four and a half hours. JJ decided to drive straight to East-Allegheny and to not stop at any hotels. She needed to stop a couple of times to take care of Henry but he was mostly sleepy which was handy for JJ. When she finally pulled up in front of her childhood home she saw her parents already sitting on the porch. They were delighted when JJ told them that she wanted to stay with them. JJ knew that her adoptive parents would always be her real parents. They were the once that saved her when she was younger. JJ always walked around with the question if they knew who she was and who her biological parents were.

She stepped out of the car and she picked Henry up from the car seat. She softly put him against her shoulder. JJ's parents were already standing to welcome her with open arms. JJ felt like she could cry. She hadn't seen them in over three months and that was too long.

''JJ!'' Eva Jareau greeted.

''Mom'' JJ said and she carefully hugged her mom. After she pulled away from her mother's embrace, she lost Henry because her mother took him from her when she had the chance.

''Dad!''

''Hey kiddo'' Todd Jareau said and JJ gave him a tight hug.

''How are you doing, Dad? Is the store still doing, okay?'' JJ asked.

''Everything is fine, honey. The store is still busy but I am working less because I am not getting any younger'' Todd said.

''I can help you in the store. I am planning on staying here for a while, so I wouldn't mind at all'' JJ offered, knowing that her father would love to work with her whenever he could. Her father owned a small hardware store in the middle of their little town. It was one of the places where she grew up. Whenever she was done with school she would help her dad in the store and she loved it.

''That would be nice but aren't you a little overqualified as an FBI agent?'' Todd joked.

''That is actually one of the things I want to talk to you two about, dad. Mom has already gone inside. It might be best if we talk there'' JJ said.

''Of course'' Todd said.

They stepped inside her childhood home and nothing had changed about it. It was small but big enough for a family of four. JJ looked around and she looked at a picture of her and her sister, Megan, when JJ was just twelve years old. JJ was proud whenever people would tell her that they looked like real sisters. They both had blonde hair and blue eyes. JJ loved her sister and when she died, she went through a hard time. Luckily, she had her parents and they supported each other and grew even closer because of it. JJ had expected her parents to become more distant because they had lost their own daughter but they always told JJ that she was just as much their daughter as Megan.

''JJ? Sweetie'' Eva asked.

''Oh, sorry mom. I was just looking at the picture of me and Megan in the front yard when she was teaching me to play soccer for the first time'' JJ explained.

''Where is Henry?'' JJ asked when she noticed that her mother wasn't holding Henry.

''He is sleeping upstairs'' Eva answered quickly when she saw JJ's concern.

''Again? Apparently, he didn't get much sleep at Will's'' JJ said.

''JJ, your father made tea. Come on, let's sit down in the dining room'' Eva said.

JJ sat down in a comfortable chair across from her parents. She sat down in the chair she used to sit in when she was younger. She did it out of habit.

''So, why are you here?'' Todd asked.

''Just know that we don't mind at all. You can stay for as long as you want'' Eva added.

''Thanks. This is going to be really hard for me because I don't know how much you know about this. Do you know what my name used to be?'' JJ asked.

''Of course. Your name was Annie Walters'' Todd said and he saw JJ cringe slightly when he said the name.

''JJ, where is this coming from?'' Eva asked.

''How much do you know about my biological parents?'' JJ asked.

''The adoption agency didn't tell us much about your history. The person who was involved in the process of your adoption told us that you went through twelve foster care families and that it never worked out. We wanted to know about your past but they said that there was no information on you'' Todd explained.

''But we both wanted to know more about you, your biological parents and if you had any other family members. One day I saw the story of Clark Walters in the papers. I started to look into it and when I read about his daughter, we just knew, JJ'' Eva said.

''You have known that since you adopted me? You didn't care that I am the child of a serial killer?'' JJ asked and the tears were stinging in her eyes.

''Of course we don't care about that JJ. We have always known about your biological father. Your mother and I know that you aren't like him'' Todd said.

''I hope so'' JJ said soft.

''JJ, don't say that. There isn't an evil bone in your body'' Eva said emotionally when she saw her daughter on the verge of crying.

''You are a good person. You do good work. You are an amazing mother to your son and you are a wonderful daughter. You are the light in our lives, JJ'' Todd stated.

''I love you both so much. I have never thanked you both for what you have done for me. If it wasn't for the two of you, I would probably have never been the person that I am today'' JJ said softly and she took a zip of her tea after.

''We love you too. But you don't ever have to thanks us for anything'' Eva said.

''What do you want to tell us, JJ?'' Todd asked curiously.

''I resigned yesterday'' JJ said quickly.

''But you love your job'' Todd said.

''I do love my job but I just couldn't do my job the way I used to. About eight weeks ago everyone was informed about the escape of Clark Walters. He had escaped when he was being transferred to the hospital. For five weeks there were no murders until three weeks ago. I got a call from Hotch, my boss, and he told me that they had found a victim. We got the case and I never told anyone about him and I didn't until they found out. I talked to my biological mother, she fortunately didn't know who I was. But I also talked to Clark and he was just cold and he didn't care at all'' JJ explained.

''Sweetie'' Eva said.

''I have never dealt with everything in the right way and the past couple of weeks brought everything back to the surface. I just can't do my job when I am struggling with so much from the past. I need to accept everything that has happened and I just can't do that when I have to do a job involving victims'' JJ explained.

''What did he say to you?'' Todd asked.

''Who?''

''Your boss and your team'' Todd answered.

''The team was devastated about my resignation'' JJ said and she wanted to avoid the subject of Hotch at all costs.

''And your boss?'' Eva asked.

''He didn't like it but he understood'' JJ said quickly.

''That is important. You should stay here as long as you like. You know we love to have you and Henry over'' Todd said.

''I know. I think I am going to try and get some sleep'' JJ said and she took the empty cups with her to the kitchen and she went upstairs to try and get some sleep.

**Quantico, Virginia, BAU offices…**

Hotch was sitting in his office. The team had just discussed cases that needed their analysis. Everyone already missed JJ around them. She wasn't just the person who presented cases but she was also the one person who could cheer them up when they needed it. He suddenly thought back to this morning when woke up.

* * *

_Flashback – Two hours after JJ left_

_Hotch was stirring in his bed. He rolled over to the other side and he woke up when he realized that there was no one else in his bed. He opened his eyes and didn't see JJ anywhere. He slowly made his way from his bed and he checked his bathroom but all of her stuff and clothes were gone._

''_JJ?'' Hotch said to see if he got a response._

''_JJ?'' Hotch yelled again when me made his way to the living room._

_When Hotch realized she was gone he fell onto the couch and groaned out in frustration. His head rested in his hands and when he looked sideways he noticed a necklace. He rose from the couch and he took he necklace from the floor. He remembered it because JJ was wearing it when she told him about her sister's suicide. He knew she almost never wore it but that it did mean a lot to her. He sat back down on the couch and he thought about the night before. To him it was perfect. It was everything he wanted it to be. He just didn't understand why JJ would leave without saying goodbye._

* * *

Hotch sighed deeply and he looked through his blinds to see the team gathered around the desks.

Emily had been cranky all day and she would get angry at anyone who did something wrong according to her. She had already yelled the wind out of Anderson because she thought that the coffee he made wasn't good enough.

Garcia had been overly dramatic and happy because she was trying to cheer everyone up. Garcia's strategy wasn't working and no one made an effort for her to believe that she was helping.

Reid had been quiet. He wasn't stating any facts or he wouldn't ramble endlessly about the things he found interesting.

Morgan was putting his anger on his keyboard. He was typing his reports and everyone glanced at him because it was almost as if he was planning on killing it slowly.

Rossi was just Rossi. He was concerned about Hotch and everyone else. He was the one who talked most during the briefing.

Hotch was his stoic self but he wasn't acting like that when he was alone in his office. He was thinking about JJ constantly and she had only been away for half a day.

Hotch had a photo of JJ in his hand. It was a photo he took during the one of the team's outings. She never knew that he took the picture. Hotch kept looking at her face and he relived the previous night. He was thinking about every touch and every word JJ had said to him. She made him a promise and he was afraid that JJ was too afraid to keep it. He was just afraid that it was going to take too long for JJ to deal with her situation. Hotch wanted to be there for her. To comfort her and to tell her that she didn't do anything wrong. Everyone on the team knew who her birthparents were and it didn't make them feel differently about JJ. It just made them think about what it could be like to have a father like that and to live with the pain of knowing that he killed so many women in such a short period of time. Hotch was doubting if he should of told JJ how he feels about her. She was gone and he couldn't do anything to get her back. He knew JJ needed time alone. He was just hoping that she wasn't going to forget him or the team.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: This chapter is a little shorter. I hope everyone likes it!**

**Special thanks to Liviia, samcarter1980, spyagent001 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 16: The stranger**

**One week later, East-Allegheny…**

The week passed by slowly for JJ. It took her a couple of days to get settled and used to the life in a small town. She had been helping her mother around the house and her father in his hardware store. Henry was having a lot of fun and he was playing a lot with the neighborhood kids. JJ was keeping contact with everyone on the team except Hotch. She had texted or e-mailed everyone but she didn't know what to say to him. She never once regretted what happened between them but it made it harder for her to figure out what she wanted. When she was honest with herself, she knew she loved him but she didn't know if she was ready for a relationship. Her relationship with Will had ended months ago but it still hurt. She felt like a failure towards her own son and if her relationship with Hotch wouldn't work out she knew there were more people involved. For now JJ had decided to adjust to her the life in East-Allegheny and she was just going with the flow and that was something she had never done before. Her whole life she had tried to stay in control and to be the best person she could possibly be and in the end it didn't matter anymore. JJ felt lost and she needed time to get back to who she was.

JJ just came back home. She had helped her father in his store all day and it was time for her to make dinner. JJ walked inside and she heard several voices coming from the living room. She saw a man in a suit sitting in the living room. She looked at her mother with a questionable look but she motioned JJ to sit come in.

''Hello'' JJ greeted when she walked inside the room and she saw the man turning around. He was wearing an expensive suit and he looked like someone who was really important.

''Hello Ma'am'' the mystery man said and JJ just stared into his eyes.

''Please call me JJ'' JJ said quickly because she hated it when people called her Ma'am.

''Hi JJ. I am Matthew Porter. I would like to speak to you in private'' Matthew said.

''Of course. Follow me'' JJ said and she walked back outside and she saw down on one of the steps that lead up to the porch. JJ looked to her side and she saw Matthew sit down next to her.

''If I am right, you are A.D.A. Matthew Porter from the DA's office in Kansas City. Am I right?'' JJ said and she knew who he was the moment she heard his name. After they came back from her father's case, the team had been working with Matthew Porter to get details for her father's trial together. JJ was never involved in the process because she was the daughter of the person on trial and the judge or jury could see it as tainted evidence.

''You are right. I am the A.D.A.'' Matthew said.

''You have been working with my old team for evidence against Clark Walters, right?'' JJ asked already knowing the answer.

''Yes, I have'' Matthew replied.

''Are all of them testifying?'' JJ asked curiously.

''Yes, they are. Which is why I am here, JJ. We are charging Clark Walters with seven counts of murder and rape. But we are also charging him with the abduction of an federal agent and that concerns you and….'' Matthew tried to say but JJ interrupted him.

''Let me guess! You want me to testify against my own father?'' JJ said.

''Father?''

''Don't play games with me. You obviously know. What do you want to be exact?'' JJ asked.

''Well, what we want is Clark Walters to get the death penalty. We want you to testify about your abduction and about the two years you lived alone with him before he was arrested'' Matthew explained and he saw JJ adverting her eyes immediately.

''Who told you I was here?'' JJ asked.

''Agent Hotchner told me. I was in DC this morning and I went by the BAU to talk to him about the case because his experience can come in handy during the trial. I asked about you and he told me you resigned a week ago. He seems to care a great deal about you'' Matthew answered.

''Yeah, he is a great boss and an even better Agent'' JJ said softly.

''So, why did you resign?'' Matthew asked curiously.

''Wow, you are really curious aren't you?'' JJ said playfully.

''Can't a guy ask?''

''Of course. Well, you know who I am or at least who my father is. After that case I just wasn't myself anymore and at work I wasn't feeling any better. I need to sort things out before I go back to work. My past is still haunting me every day and I feel like there is no way to escape it…..I guess I am just trying to find myself again….I told you a little too much'' JJ said when she felt Matthew's eyes on her.

''No, it is okay. I am sorry for the way you are feeling. I actually saw the videotape of your interview with Walters. What he said and did is terrible and I am so sorry'' Matthew said to try and make JJ feel better. He barely knew the woman next to him but from what he had heard from her former team, he knew she was a special person.

''Thanks'' JJ said apologetically.

''So, back to business. Do you want to testify in court or on paper?''

''If I testify on paper my identity will be safe but when I testify in open court I know that jury can relate more to me. What do you think is best?'' JJ asked.

''Like you said, testifying in open court will get more compassion from the jury. I don't want to force you into doing anything but I would feel better if you would testify and I can ask the questions but you have to realize that the defense is going to question you as well'' Matthew stated.

''I know. I want him to pay for what he did and if it means that I have to go through everything again, I think it is worth it. It might bring some peace to the victim's families and that is the least I could do'' JJ said with fear in her voice.

''Are you sure?''

''Yes, I am''

''Okay, that is good. The trial starts in seven weeks. We are already dealing with preliminary hearings but those aren't the ones we need you on. I will call you to tomorrow to set a date for us to go over your testimony. We need a lot of time to prepare you for this one. I can fly here if you want me to'' Matthew suggested.

''Oh, that would be great. Thank you''

''There is one more thing and I know you aren't going to like it at all'' Matthew hinted.

''What?'' JJ asked concerned when she saw his somber expression.

''The Kansas Police has tried to get Walters to talk about everything but he keeps saying that he will only talk to Annie. The D.A. wants him to confess to murdering all the seven victims we just found''

''But he told me that already. Isn't that enough evidence?''

''No, the because the defense is going to make it look as circumstantial and they are going to try and throw the confession out of evidence because he was questioned by his own daughter'' Matthew explained.

''What will make a difference when I am questioning him for a second time?''

''He will have his lawyer represent from now on''

''Okay, do you I really need to?'' JJ asked, hoping he was going to say no.

''You don't need to but it would make the case solid'' Matthew explained.

''I have to think about it''

''Of course. Take the time you need. I will call you tomorrow'' Matthew said and he rose from the steps.

''Thank you''

''Of course, JJ. Take it easy. I will talk to you tomorrow. Bye'' Matthew said and she shook JJ's hand before he turned around to walk to his car.

JJ watched as he walked away. She sighed deeply and she had no idea if she was ready to testify in open court or let alone question her father again. JJ felt terrified and she didn't know what to do about it.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Another chapter of my story! I have been going back and forth about how I want JJ and Hotch to be confronted again and it will be in the next chapter. I don't know yet how it will all play out but I will try to update tomorrow. I hope everyone likes this chapter! I am so sorry for the lack of JJ/Hotch scenes because I think most of you are reading this story because of JJ and Hotch. There will be more of them in upcoming chapters!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, spyagent001 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 17: Downhill**

**Five weeks later, BAU offices…**

The team had closed eight cases in a period of six weeks. Their success wasn't going down without JJ but their friendships were suffering during JJ's absence. They were all getting a lot more angrier and they blamed each other for stupid little things. Hotch tried to keep the team together but he was trying to keep himself together to. All their lives were still going and they couldn't stand still because one of them wasn't with them anymore.

The team came back from a case yesterday and they were catching up on some paperwork to officially close the case. The team members were all sitting behind their own desks.

Rossi was the one who was really worried about Hotch. He saw some changes in his friend but he didn't know why. Rossi knew that Hotch and JJ had always been close and that her void would cause some changes but he never expected Hotch to take it this bad. Rossi was realizing that Hotch had feelings for the blonde and he should have seen it sooner because when you look at the two of them together it has always been as clear as it possibly could be. Hotch and JJ had been friends since they first met. Rossi wasn't there but he knew how protective Hotch was of her when he introduced the two of them. Rossi could still remember the death glare that Hotch gave him when he was looking at JJ. It was all there. They had a certain kind of understanding that no one knew about until now. Rossi decided to go and talk to Hotch because he wasn't going to sit around and watch Hotch waste away because the woman he loved was in East-Allegheny.

Rossi rose from his chair and he walked to his door. He glanced at the team who gave him a short look when his office door opened. He opened Hotch's door without announcing himself because he thought it wasn't necessary. The sight he saw in front of him made him worry even more. Hotch was leaning back in his chair with a glass of scotch in one of his hands. Rossi noticed the enormous pile of files on the edge of Hotch's desk and it wasn't normal. Hotch never had a pile of files on his desk. He was always the one that worked on them until there weren't any piles anymore. Rossi walked in and he sat down in the chair across from Hotch. Rossi saw that Hotch was looking at him with an annoyed face.

''What the hell are you doing?'' Rossi asked angrily.

''What do you mean?'' Hotch slurred.

''Really? You are going to act like nothing is going on? For god sake's Aaron! You have everything any man could possible want and you are wasting away'' Rossi said loudly and Hotch started laughing.

''What is that?'' Hotch asked.

Rossi walked over to Hotch's desk and he opened one of the drawers where Hotch used to keep a picture of Haley in, knowing that there would be a picture of JJ in it now.

''This! Her! You have her!'' Rossi said as he slammed the picture of JJ on Hotch's desk.

''I do, huh? Well, where the hell is she, Dave? Because I don't see her anywhere'' Hotch yelled and he slammed his glass of scotch on his desk.

''You know where she is. You know why she isn't here anymore!'' Rossi said angrily.

''I almost didn't know'' Hotch replied.

''What?''

''I found out about JJ's resignation through Strauss. She was planning on just leaving without saying anything to me. She never really explained anything to me, Dave. How am I supposed to know what she is thinking or what she wants?''

''Aaron, JJ didn't explain to any of us why she left. She told us that she needed time and that she couldn't do that with this job. I just think that there is so much more to JJ's past that we don't know about. Her father is psychopath. We don't even know what happened to JJ when she lived alone with him for two years. Her mother was gone and he couldn't put his anger on her anymore. We just don't know half of her real story'' Rossi explained.

Hotch stayed silent and thousands of thoughts were going through his mind. He was thinking in different kinds of directions and he had no idea which one he was supposed to take or which one would be the best one for him at all.

''What are you thinking?'' Rossi asked.

''What I am supposed to do. I just don't know what to do anymore. Have you guys been in contact with JJ?'' Hotch asked curiously.

''Yes. She has called a couple of times and I get an e-mail or text at least twice a week. I know that Emily and Garcia have talked to her on the phone multiple times and they told me that she is doing okay. Has she been in contact with you?''

''No'' Hotch said angrily after hearing that JJ had been keep contact with everyone but him.

''Aaron, what happened between the two of you?'' Rossi asked.

''A lot. During the case in Kansas she was on edge and I talked to her but she just wouldn't tell me what was going on. We had a night of fun and it ended when I told her I wasn't interested in her and things went downhill from there''

''Downhill?''

''Yeah. She got out of control when were interviewing her birth mother, which is understandable now but after that we had a fight. I told her that I would report her to Strauss if her behavior wouldn't change. We just stopped talking until I found out about her past. And then when she left without saying goodbye I confronted her and she showed up at my apartment and yelled at me and then we…uhh…we…'' Hotch tried to say.

''You what? Oh, really?'' Rossi grinned.

''Yes, we slept together''

''That is….I don't know what to say. What happened after?''

''Nothing! She left without saying goodbye. I woke up when she was already gone. I don't know what she wants from me, Dave. I have been calling, texting and e-mailing her but she isn't responding. She promised me that she would come back but I guess she is breaking that promise'' Hotch answered and his anger was apparent.

''How do you feel about her?'' Rossi asked.

''What?''

''I mean, was it a one-time thing or do you want to be with her?''

''I love her, Dave. I think I have always loved JJ. There has always been that what-if between us. I have wanted to be with JJ for so long. I think we both just needed the reassurance to know for sure what we felt and it was amazing but I am thinking that I might have made a mistake'' Hotch replied and he leaned back in his chair and sighed deeply.

''She made a promise to you, Aaron. JJ will keep it'' Rossi said to try and reassure Hotch.

''Then why do I feel like I lost her. Why do I feel like she is not coming back? This year I got everything I wanted. I had JJ. I had everything I wished for but in a way I lost even more'' Hotch said.

''Aaron, what do you mean?''

''She looked so different Dave. She looked so broken and so lifeless in a way'' Hotch explained.

''Aaron, we can't even imagine what JJ is going through. If you want her, you should go after her. Don't let it waste away because you don't want to interrupt her free time. Go to her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her that you love her. Just go!'' Rossi said.

''I can't'' Hotch said.

''Why not? Why would you let a woman like that get away?''

''We both know what I am supposed to tell JJ when I see her again. I can't lie to her, Dave'' Hotch said.

''So, you already talked to the federal prosecutor in Kansas?'' Rossi asked.

''Yes. They already filed seven new murder charges plus the abduction charge. They are trying to get him to talk about everything but he keeps telling everyone that he will only talk to Annie'' Hotch replied.

''He is probably going to get the death penalty. He was lucky that he was arrested in 1991 because the death penalty became legal in Kansas in 1994''

''I know. The D.A. is going to subpoena JJ to testify against her dad. I don't if she has heard it already but it means that she has to talk about the two years she spent with him after her mom left and I know that she isn't going to like it because she will publicly be known as Annie Walters'' Hotch said.

''Can't she write a statement and then they can let someone read it in the courtroom'' Rossi suggested.

''I don't know. The last time I talked to Porter was about five weeks ago. I guess he has been busy with the trial because it starts in two weeks. We should have just kept JJ out of the interrogation room because than no one would have known about her past and she would be more comfortable''

''You don't know that, Aaron. JJ feels sick about the entire situation'' Rossi said and he shifted slightly in his seat.

Hotch stayed silent and he was thinking about JJ. He was trying to imagine what happened to her in the two years she still lived with her father.

''Why don't you visit her?'' Rossi asked suddenly.

''No Dave. Come on!'' Hotch said angrily again when his friend was pushing him again.

''Fine. But when you might lose her, it won't be my fault'' Rossi said as he rose from his chair.

''It is already over'' Hotch said suddenly.

''What?'' Rossi asked with astonishment.

''Dave, she has made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want anything to do with me. Why should I sit here and feel heartbroken about a woman who is never going to come back to me?'' Hotch asked.

''You are even more stupid than I ever thought you could be!'' Rossi said angrily and he left the office.

Hotch sat back in his chair and he took his glass of scotch and he emptied it in his throat at once. He just kept sitting in his office without paying any attention to stack of files that had been piling up over the last couple of days. Hotch was feeling miserable without JJ and he knew he was acting like a teenager who was just lovesick and he just didn't want to let it get to him anymore.

**Five hours later, Store, East Allegheny…**

JJ was cleaning up her father's store after it closed. JJ had been helping her Dad out for the past six weeks and she really enjoyed to be around her family again. She had also been asked to coach the girls soccer team and she decided to do it. JJ hadn't lost her soccer skills at all and she loved to be as active as possible. Being back in East Allegheny reminded her of who she was as a teenager but it also brought back more memories of living in Kansas City. JJ still wasn't really dealing with her past at all and she knew that was what she had to do but it was really hard on her. She was living day by day and she tried not to think about the future too much. She had been staying in contact with everyone at the BAU except Hotch because she felt ashamed about something she couldn't put her finger on. The last night they spent together was amazing and she swore to herself to never forget it but she just had a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach that she just couldn't shake.

JJ was about to walk out the back door when there was a knock on the front door of the store. JJ walked towards the door and when she opened it she was really surprised to see Rossi standing there.

''Dave!'' JJ greeted and she gave him a quick hug.

''Hey JJ'' Rossi said.

''How have you been?'' JJ asked.

''I am fine. I should ask you that question'' Rossi said and he followed JJ into a room with chairs in the back of the store.

''So, do you work here now?'' Rossi asked when JJ wasn't saying anything.

''No, not really. I am just helping my father out. It is his store and I just love to help'' JJ explained and she noticed the worry on Rossi's face.

''Dave, what is going on?'' JJ asked after she had just given her explanation.

''Well, Hotch is pretty much losing it JJ'' Rossi said with honesty.

''What? Wait! Why did you come to me about this?'' JJ asked because she thought that Rossi didn't have any idea about her feelings for Hotch.

''I know JJ. The two of you are in love with each other but you are both afraid to admit it'' Rossi said.

''I don't know Dave but what is going on with Hotch?'' JJ asked with worry.

''He has been drinking and he didn't even touch his stack of paperwork today?''

''Stack? Since when does Hotch have a stack of paperwork?'' JJ asked, knowing that he answer was never.

''Ever since you left. Everyone has been different since you left, JJ. Look, I understand that you need space but Aaron needs you'' Rossi explained.

''Dave, I can't. I am not me anymore. I need more time. I tried to explain why I left and I hope you all can still honor that decision''

''I am trying really hard to understand JJ but this is just running away from your feelings. You are running and you don't even realize it yourself'' Rossi said.

''Dave, don't! You have no idea how I feel. This isn't about running, okay? I need time alone!'' JJ said angrily and she saw Rossi looking at her in disappointment.

''I get that. I really do but Hotch is saying that things are over between the two of you. He told me that you haven't even e-mailed him back. He needs you and he is trying to move on. I just think you should talk to him before he makes the biggest mistake of his life'' Rossi said with a raised voice.

''What am I supposed to do, Dave?'' JJ asked and she felt her heart beat faster when she heard that Hotch said that things were over between them.

''Go to him. Admit how you feel! Let him know'' Rossi replied.

''I don't know Dave. I am having a hard enough time with going to trial in two weeks. I don't how I am supposed to tell him that when I honestly don't know myself if I am ready for it'' JJ said and she saw Rossi looking at her with a surprised expression.

''Trial? You are going to trial?'' Rossi asked.

''Yes, Matthew Porter asked me to testify about five weeks ago. We have been working on my testimony ever since. He has been flying down here every single week'' JJ answered and she thought back to her times with Matthew. He knew things about her past that the team still didn't know.

''We didn't know. So, you are going to Kansas in two weeks?''

''Yes, I have to testify twice. Maybe even more but I am going and I also have an interview scheduled at the federal prison in Kansas to question Walters one more time about the murders because he will only talk to me''

''I know about the interview. I was actually asked to be there in three days for the interview. That is really good..I am proud of you JJ'' Rossi said and he squeezed JJ's shoulder and he let go after he saw JJ nodding.

''Thanks. I just needed to do this. I have to make up for all the bad he has done''

''JJ, you have nothing to make up for. Absolutely nothing'' Rossi stated.

''You know, I just don't understand''

''What?''

''I don't hate him. He is my father and he has done unspeakable things but I just can't hate him. He is only making my life harder and I try to hate him but I just can't'' JJ said and a tear fell down her face.

''JJ, it is alright if you don't hate him!''

''Is it?''

''He might be a serial killer JJ but to you he will always be your dad and you are not responsible for the things he did. But he will always be your dad and you can't change that'' Rossi said softly and he pulled JJ into hug when she was crying.

''I just don't know how to live with this regret and feeling of guilt'' JJ said.

Rossi pulled away and he looked into JJ's eyes.

''JJ, you have an entire family waiting for you. Each and every single one of us is there for you but you have to let us in'' Rossi said.

''How is everyone else doing?''

''It is a complete mess without you. Everyone is putting their frustrations out on each other'' Rossi replied.

''I never meant for that to happen. I did what I thought was best for me and I was just selfish. Dave, I have to think about what I am going to do next. But I will see you in two weeks at trial and I guess I will see you at the interview in three days'' JJ said when she saw that Rossi was ready to go and leave.

''Of course JJ. Take care!'' Rossi said and he gave her a hug before he walked out of the store.

JJ waited until Rossi was gone to stand up and go home. She was still processing everything he had told her but the one thing that kept going through her mind was Hotch. She didn't want to lose him. She needed him to know how she felt and what their night meant to her.

Rossi drove away in his SUV when he suddenly got a great idea to get Hotch and JJ to see each other again. He knew both of them weren't going to take a step to tell each other how they felt, so Rossi decided to do it his way. He only wanted his friends to be happy.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Another chapter! The talk between JJ and Hotch will be in the next chapter. I honestly don't know how much longer this story will be because I am kind of getting stuck with it and I am doubting my writing a lot at the moment. I hope you all like it!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, spyagent001 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 18: Difference**

**Three days later, Kansas City, Leavenworth Penitentiary…**

Hotch was pulling up in front of Leavenworth. Rossi was supposed to do the interview but he felt sick last-minute and Hotch didn't want him to go for a interview when he wasn't feeling well. Interviewing Clark Walters was the last thing Hotch wanted to do because it only reminded him of JJ and everything that happened. He still hadn't been in contact with her and he had no idea if she was ever going to talk to him again. Hotch just couldn't understand why she was keeping distance after they had such a wonderful night together. It was a night he knew he was never going to forget.

He finally got his thoughts back together and he stepped from the SUV. He looked at his watch and he saw that is was 4:45 pm. The interview was starting at 5 pm but he came earlier because Rossi told him that the A.D.A. was going to meet him in the parking lot. Hotch didn't know that the A.D.A. wanted to be present during the interview but he could understand. Hotch thought beforehand that there wasn't much to talk about with Walters because he had been refusing to talk to anyone for weeks. He only wanted to talk to JJ and Hotch thought that was never going to happen.

Hotch leaned with his back against the SUV and he watched as a familiar government issued car pulled up in the parking lot. At first he thought he was mistaken but when he saw the plates he knew it had to be her. He felt his heart racing at the thought of seeing JJ again. The last time he had seen her and felt her was when she fell asleep in his arms. It was the moment he was never going to forget. Seeing her also reminded him that he still had her necklace with him and he had to give it back. He kept it in his wallet because he knew how much it meant to JJ and he didn't want to lose it. Hotch saw that she stepped from the government issued vehicle. She still looked the same but he could see that she looked so much better than before. It was like there was joy in her eyes again and he didn't understand why she looked like that before she was going to interview her own father again.

After JJ stepped from her car she felt a pair of eyes on her immediately. JJ looked around and at first she didn't see anyone. But when she looked back at the black SUV, she saw Hotch leaning against it. Their eyes met and locked instantly. JJ froze when she saw him coming closer and she realized Rossi set her up. She had no idea how she could ever explain anything to him. She had done so many things wrong and she knew she hurt Hotch the most by leaving without saying goodbye. As he walked closer she felt the exact same as she did before. She lost all her other thoughts and all her focus went to him as he was standing in front of her. He was only a few inches away and she felt his warmth against her own body. She knew it was impossible but whenever she was around him, it felt like she could only feel him.

''Hey'' JJ greeted softly.

''Hey, are you ready for the interview?'' Hotch asked to cut her off from saying anything else.

''Hotch, I am sorr….''

''…..we should go in'' Hotch said to interrupt JJ.

Hotch was being cold because he didn't know what to say or do around her anymore. He wasn't going to admit it willingly but JJ definitely hurt him by cutting him out of her life.

JJ decided to keep quiet until after the interview. She needed to focus on getting the answers that she needed. JJ followed Hotch and a security guard through different hallways and different kind of rooms. They stopped in front of a door and the security guard told them that Walters was inside with his attorney.

''Here, take this'' Hotch said as he handed JJ the earpiece.

''Thanks'' JJ said softly.

''Ready?'' Hotch asked JJ without looking at her.

''Ready!'' JJ said and she walked inside when Hotch opened the door for her.

JJ saw that Clark looked at her with a smirk and JJ knew it was only because he got exactly what he wanted. JJ sat down in a chair across from his attorney and Hotch kept standing.

''Why did you want me here, Clark?'' JJ asked to break the silence that was passing.

''I want to talk to you alone, Annie'' Clark said happily.

''No Clark, that is bad idea. You don't want to give them anything to hold against you during trial in one and a half week'' his attorney stated.

''I will be fine'' Clark shouted at his lawyer and both JJ and Hotch saw the attorney back away from him.

The attorney left and Hotch waited for a sign from JJ, so he could leave if she wanted him to. He wasn't going to leave her alone with him if she didn't want to be.

''Hotch, I will be fine'' JJ said softly and she heard him step out of the room.

''What do you want Clark?'' JJ asked again.

'This'' he said and he suddenly stood up from his chair, much to JJ's shock because she thought he was handcuffed to the table.

JJ stood up immediately and she didn't back away because she knew that was exactly what he wanted her to do. JJ hoped that anyone could see what was happening. She knew there were camera's but there wasn't a glass window in the room.

''This is what I wanted to do!'' Clark said and he pushed JJ into the brick wall.

JJ collided with the wall but she rose from the floor immediately.

''Is that what you want Clark?'' JJ asked with tears in her eyes.

''_JJ, give me a sign if you want me to come in'' _Hotch said into her ear.

''You want to kill me! You want to beat me until I can't walk, like you did when I was younger'' JJ said and she knew Hotch was listening the entire time.

''Go ahead! You were never a father. What will stop you now?'' JJ asked.

''_Slow down, JJ. You might make him angrier''_

''Is there something you have to say? Anything?'' JJ said and she knew she was on the verge of crying but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

''I am sorry'' Clark said without realizing what he had said.

''Sorry for what?'' JJ said to get him to confess again. She knew the trial would be easier if he was going to confess.

''_JJ, try to stay calm. I know this is hard but don't show him any emotions. He is responding differently because he expected you to be emotional''_

''I am sorry for what I put you through. I still should have been a father to you but instead I treated you like a punching bag and I am so sorry'' Clark said.

JJ stared at him and she was dumfounded. She never expected him to apologize but she still knew it wasn't going to change much.

''There is no way that I will ever forgive you….'' JJ said but she stopped when she heard Hotch's voice in her head.

''_JJ, you need to empathize with him. Sympathize and act like you understand''_

''I am supposed to empathize with you…sympathize…understand. But I can't. I don't understand why you killed all those women. You tried to get revenge on Susan because she left but you killed dozens of women in the process. Right now, you have the chance to stand up for what you did or you can hide like you have all these years'' JJ stated.

''Okay'' Clark said and he sat back down in the chair and JJ sighed in relief.

''So, tell me!'' JJ said with a normal tone of voice.

''I killed those women. All of them'' Clark confessed.

JJ sat in the same room for another hour while she listened to every gory detail about his victims. JJ wanted to run out of the room but this was the one thing that was going to put him behind bars. Just before JJ was about to leave the room, Clark asked her to stop.

''Wait!'' Clark said.

''What?'' JJ asked angrily.

''I am sorry''

''Yeah, I know but I have heard that a thousand times before and you never meant it. The last time you told me, you wanted me dead. Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you'' JJ said and with that she left the room.

JJ pulled out her earpiece and she put in Hotch's hands. She left the prison and went outside to her car and she sat down in the backseat and she broke down in tears. She suddenly heard a knock on the window. She looked up and she saw Hotch standing on the other side.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: This chapter is a little longer. This chapter is M-rated! I hope everyone likes it!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, Jotchprossi18, spyagent001, Twilightangell and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 19: The promise**

JJ wiped away her tears and she opened the door. She stepped from the car and she was standing across from Hotch. JJ looked into his eyes and she saw anger. JJ knew he had every right to be angry and to get an explanation for why she had been gone for six weeks without contacting him.

''I want to talk, JJ. I deserve an explanation'' Hotch said.

''Okay, but not here. Not here, please. We can go back to the hotel'' JJ suggested and she saw Hotch nodding in agreement.

''Fine, I will get a room to. I wasn't planning on flying back tonight anyway'' Hotch said.

''Let's go'' she said and she stepped into the SUV and her eyes followed Hotch as he made his way to his SUV.

The expression on his face was somber and she knew it had everything to do with her. JJ drove away and Hotch followed her to the hotel.

Once they were in the parking lot of the hotel, they both stepped out of their cars and went inside. JJ waited for Hotch to get a room at the reception. She was standing behind him and it somehow felt like old times when they were on a case. She missed her work but she didn't know if she should come back to the team. She was still thinking when Hotch suddenly coughed to let her know that he was ready.

''My room?'' he asked when they were standing in the elevator.

''Yeah…uhhh…fine'' she said nervously.

''Okay. I thought we should get some room service because I am starving''

''Of course''

Hotch and JJ were still silent when they were eating. JJ felt the nerves going through her entire body. She wanted to talk but Hotch stayed silent the entire time and she just didn't know what he wanted her to do or say. They both ate their dinner and JJ rose from her chair after they finished. She paced through the room for a couple of seconds and she knew Hotch was looking at her. The tension was unbearable for her and she just couldn't take it anymore.

''Why are you looking at me?'' JJ asked to break the silence.

''What do you want me to say, JJ?''

''Yell…scream. Tell me that you hate me for what I did! Say something, please!'' she said loudly.

''Hotch, I know I hurt you. You don't have to stay in control in front of me. I know you better than anyone else'' she said to continue when he still wasn't saying anything.

''Why didn't you call? Why didn't you call me?'' he asked suddenly.

''You think I didn't deserve a chance to say goodbye to you. Don't you think I deserved a goodbye?'' he asked angrily and he was finally showing his anger.

''Why didn't you call me?''

''I couldn't''

''You couldn't? Why? Just give me an answer'' he said in disbelief.

''Because I couldn't'' JJ replied and she sat back down in the chair across from Hotch.

''What? You couldn't? I called you dozens of times and you never picked up. You left me hanging for six weeks. Why?''

''You have been shutting me out for the last six weeks. I thought it was over between us, JJ. I had no idea what you wanted when you didn't call me back once. So, I just want an answer. Why?'' Hotch asked again.

''I just couldn't, Hotch. If you would have been awake that morning, I would never have left. Just hearing you voice would have changed my mind and I just knew I needed to leave. You would have changed my mind in a second'' JJ explained and she saw that Hotch was speechless.

''Is that what you want to hear?'' she yelled and she stood up from her chair and walked to the other side of the room and she turned her back to Hotch.

''I made you a promise, Hotch. I would have never broken that and you should have known that. There was no reason to doubt me'' she said as she turned around to face him and he was still sitting in the chair.

''JJ, you left without a word. What was I supposed to think? I thought you were pushing me away. I never forgot our night together. I thought about you every single day'' Hotch said.

''I wasn't pushing you away. I was holding on to that night. I was holding on to you, Hotch. I just needed more time to deal with everything. Do you think it was easy for me without you? Every day was another fight for me without you. I thought about you every single day'' JJ said and the tears were falling down her face.

''JJ''

''I was alone and I had no idea what I was doing. I kept this enormous secret for almost twenty years and I didn't know how to deal, Hotch. I didn't plan this. I never thought any of it would happen to me. I tried to call you but I just never could go through with it''

''What happened to you?'' he asked very suddenly.

''What?''

''Tell me, JJ. I am here'' Hotch said to reassure her.

''I know you are. I just…I don't know how'' JJ said and another silence fell and JJ knew this was her opportunity to tell about everything.

''Well, basically my father changed after my mom left. I was seven years old and he promised me that everything was going to be okay but it never was. He went out every single night. Sometimes he would come home with blood on his clothes and when I saw him, he would beat me and yell at me. I cried myself to sleep every single night because I was so afraid of the one person I was supposed to trust most in my life. But one night…I…'' JJ said and she paused but continued.

''It happened four months before his arrest. My father had three of his best friends over and I couldn't sleep because of all the noise they were making. I remember that I was sitting in my bed and I suddenly heard footsteps in front of my door. My door opened and my father and his friends came walking into my room. The man next to my father had a knife in his hands. That night…'' she said but the tears were only getting worse and worse and she needed a break.

''One of them told me that he would stab me if I was going to move. They pulled me from the bed and started beating me. But that wasn't the worst part. My father was standing in the corner of the room and he laughing at me. The person who was supposed to protect me was laughing because I was betting beat up. I barely survived the beating. I went to the hospital under a different name and they treated me. I just told them that I fell of the stairs but I knew they didn't believe me. Look Hotch, I know it might not sound so bad but my past has affected me so much more than I ever thought it could. I am just so afraid that I am a disappointment. I needed the time to get myself together. I trusted Will to be there and to accept me for who I am but no one has ever really accepted me and with you I could finally be myself but I was so afraid about how you thought about me that I ran and I stayed in hiding'' JJ explained and she leaned back against the wall.

''I am so sorry JJ. You never deserved that and I am so sorry that you had to go through that all alone'' Hotch said softly.

'' I am so sorry for everything. I know we have had our differences and I am sorry that I didn't call you. I have been trying to do the best thing. You have every right to be angry at me. I wouldn't ask you to forgive me. I was just trying to do the right thing. I made a mistake because I thought that this was right but I guess that sometimes you have to make mistakes to figure out what you need. Mistakes are part of being human and mine… Oh, I don't how to say this. I made so many mistakes, Aaron. I just didn't know it at the time. I never intended on telling you it this way but you need to know. Like I said, mistakes are part of being human. They can mess up your life. And my mistakes…they…mine kept me away from the person I love the most in this world. I love you, Aaron. I have always loved you and I never stopped loving you. I know what I want now'' JJ confessed for the first time.

''I guess you have your answer now. I should go now. I am so sorry for everything, Aaron. I hope you will be able to forgive me some time. I know I don't deserve you anymore'' JJ said and she made her way to the door.

JJ was opening the door when she suddenly felt two arms around her stomach and she was being pulled against his hard chest. JJ felt his breath in her neck and she felt a wave of sparks tingling in her body.

''I forgive you'' he mumbled into her ear.

''What?'' JJ asked and she turned around and Hotch's hand went around her waist.

''I forgive you JJ. I love you to, JJ. I am never letting you go again. I want this'' he said and he saw a small smile on JJ's face.

''I want this to but I don't want you to doubt me'' JJ explained softly.

Hotch pushed JJ back slightly and he stretched one arm over her shoulder to close the door. He pushed JJ against it. He wasn't going to let her walk away again. This time he wanted her to stay with him. He didn't want to say goodbye anymore. He wanted to be with her and he wanted her forever. His hands were still on her waist but they were slowly sneaking up. He felt her shiver under his touch and he knew she wanted it just as much as him. He leaned down and put a kiss on her silky blonde hair first. He smelled the same scent as last time. It was the scent of coconut that was coming from her hair. Hotch leaned further down to softly kiss her neck.

JJ wasn't moving. The sensation of his lips on her skin was overwhelming and she was pulled in. JJ's breath hitched when she felt his hands under the hem of her black shirt. She finally moved her hands to his hard chest and she started to unbutton his dress shirt. She moved his jacket of his shoulders and it fell to the ground.

Hotch was roaming under her shirt when she pulled her arms up so he could take it off. The shirt joined the pile of other clothes on the floor. She was only standing in her skinny jeans and bra. Hotch took a step back to look at her. Just like last time he wanted to lose all of their clothes and he knew that he couldn't control himself this time because he already knew what it was like to be with the blonde in front of him. He finally moved back to whisper in her ear again but JJ beat him to it.

''You are really handsome'' JJ complimented and they both had to laugh softly.

''You are beautiful, JJ'' he said softly.

He leaned in and his lips touched hers after almost seven weeks of no contact. His body was already tingling from their matching movements and when he entered her mouth is was like heaven fell over him. Everything he wanted was what he had in that moment and he wasn't going to let it go again.

JJ's hands were softly touching his scars. She moved away from his lips to make contact with all the scars. She was covering his bare chest in her soft kisses. She felt his hands sneak around her back and he took off her bra.

Hotch let the bra fall the ground and he pushed her into the door with his hips. His arousal was pressing against her upper leg. He wanted to kiss her but she was still putting soft kisses on his chest, so his hands went back to her beasts and he felt her hardened nipples in the palm of his hands.

JJ moaned out when she felt his arousal pressing against her. Her kisses went down to his stomach and she stopped above his pants. Her hands sneaked down his body and she unzipped the pants and she pushed them down after. As his hands were now sliding down her body as well, JJ's hands were going into his boxers. She felt him stiffen under her touch.

Hotch felt an enormous rush of pleasure when she started touching him so intimately. He wanted to take off her jeans but the rush that was going through his body stopped him. Instead he made contact with her lips again while her hands were still in his boxers. He moaned into her mouth when his boxers were suddenly around his ankles and she started moving faster with her hands.

''Oh..god..JJ'' Hotch groaned.

JJ was about to kneel down in front of him when he grabbed her arm and took her to the bed. He pushed her onto the middle of the bed. He took off her jeans and panties. He stood still for a moment to take in her naked glory once again while she was doing the exact same with him.

Hotch was about to let himself fall on top of her when she moved to the side and he was suddenly in the middle of the bed. JJ moved on top of him and she was straddling him. She leaned down to make contact with his lips. Their lips met in a passionate kiss filled with love and hunger. Feeling his hands on her body was everything she needed. Once again she felt complete and loved in a very special way. She moved her attention to his chest again and Hotch took the moment to roll her under him.

''You always have to be in control'' JJ teased and her hips were moving against his arousal.

''Just wait!'' Hotch said.

He put kisses down her body but he got distracted when her hips started moving harder and harder against him. He moved back over her and he looked at her with a devilish look.

''You are driving me crazy'' he said.

''Good. I don't want to wait. Please!'' JJ pleaded.

Hotch happily obliged to her. He pulled her legs further apart and he positioned himself between her legs. He slowly entered her with one fluid thrust. They both moaned when they made the contact.

Hotch let JJ adjust to his size and he bent down to meet her lips in a kiss full with force. He softly nipped at her neck and he felt her breath against her ear.

''I am yours. I always will be'' JJ promised and she felt Hotch moving after her sentence.

They moved in the same rhythm thrust after thrust. They both felt the tingling in their entire bodies and they were put over the edge with every small move.

JJ was losing it when she felt him moving faster. She kept up with his pace but she knew she couldn't hold out much longer.

''Let go, sweetheart'' Hotch said softly and he felt her let go and he followed not long after JJ.

Hotch collapsed next to her on the bed and she crawled into his side. He kissed her breasts and her shoulder. He moved closer to put a kiss on her lips as well. His hands went around her waist and his chest was still heaving from their activities.

JJ stayed awake while listening to his breathing. Her head was on his chest and she knew he wasn't going to fall asleep because he was afraid that she would leave again.

JJ slowly moved from his embrace. She turned on her stomach and she held her head up to look at him.

''I won't leave. I promise. I am going to stay with you. I love you'' JJ said.

''I love you'' Hotch said happily.

JJ moved closer to him and she kissed him on the lips and she moved back against him. She turned on her side and she felt him laying behind him. They both fell asleep, knowing that the other would be there. They both felt safe and happier than they ever could be. JJ looked at the love of her life one last time before she closed her eyes and she just knew that everything was going to be all right.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Another chapter. I hope everyone likes it!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, MollyR, spyagent001, Jotchprossi18, Liviia and Twilightangell!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 20: The way back**

The next morning Hotch woke up at first. His eyes fluttered open and he felt JJ in his arms. It was the way he wanted to wake up every morning. JJ was laying on her back and as close to Hotch as possible. Hotch watched as she was still sleeping. He knew there was a lot more for them to talk about but he just wanted to enjoy the moment. He leaned forwards and gave JJ a kiss on her forehead and he heard JJ moan when his lips touched her head softly. He watched her open her eyes and a small smile formed on her lips.

''Hey beautiful'' Hotch greeted softly.

''Hi. Do you always watch all your girlfriends were sleep?'' JJ joked.

''Well well. All your girlfriends is a bit exaggerated, don't you think? And are you my girlfriend?'' he asked happily.

''I hope I am your girlfriend''

''You are'' Hotch said to assure her when he noticed the doubt on her face.

JJ leaned forward and she put a soft kiss on his lips. She pulled away and she lay back down against his side.

''When do you have to be back in DC?'' JJ asked.

''I should have been back this morning because we had a debriefing but I texted Rossi to take over for me. I guess I have some time before I have to leave. What do you have planned?''

''I was planning on going back to East-Allegheny to pick up Henry and I want to come back to DC. I can't promise that I will be right back at work but I want to be close to you and the team'' JJ explained.

''Good because I have missed you so much. I never want to spent so much time without you again. Why don't we go and get some breakfast and we can go back to East-Allegheny for Henry. We can drive back to DC together'' Hotch suggested.

''That sounds great''

''It does'' Hotch agreed and he watched as JJ started climbing from the bed.

''Where are you going?'' he asked.

''I am taking a shower if you don't mind''

''I don't mind if I can join you''

''Fine'' JJ said and she was already in the bathroom.

Hotch and JJ took a shower and got dressed before heading out to get some breakfast. They were about to step into the hallway when Hotch called JJ back inside and she stepped back in front of him.

''What is it?'' JJ asked.

''You should have this back'' Hotch said and he showed JJ her necklace.

''Oh, thank you. I am so glad to have it back. Thank you, Hotch'' JJ said thankfully and she let Hotch put the necklace around her neck.

''Aaron!'' Hotch said.

''Yeah, I am so sorry. I am just still used to your work name. I guess I have to get used to calling you Aaron'' she and they walked through the hallways while holding hands.

They both felt like a real couple. But they also knew that their relationship and affection towards each other had to change when they would get back to the BAU. Hotch couldn't even imagine what would happen to their careers if Strauss would find out. He knew that only Rossi knew about their feelings towards each other and he wanted to keep it that way. He was already excited that JJ was coming back to DC and he didn't want her to lose her job before she was even back at work. He knew that their relationship could have severe consequences but he wanted to be a family with Jack, JJ and Henry. After Haley died he just gave up on love and when he realized how he felt about JJ, he just knew it was something special. If he had learned anything from his past, it was that love was more important than work. He had always known that but he was confronted with the reality when Haley filed for divorce. He was also confronted with it when JJ left and he realized he couldn't go a day without her. Feeling her presence next to him was all he needed to get through a day. He wanted to have a family and he wasn't going to give up on it because of fraternization rules at their jobs.

They finally sat down at a table and Hotch sighed heavily after thinking about everything. He saw JJ looking at him with a concerned look.

''Are you okay?'' she asked worried.

''Yeah, I am fine''

''Aaron, please talk to me''

''I was just thinking about work and our relationship. We could lose our jobs if anyone would find out. I know the team wouldn't mind and that they would only be happy but Strauss would take away my badge in a heartbeat and I just don't want us to lose our jobs but I also don't want to give up on us'' Hotch explained.

''I know. I could always find another job. I could work for a different department. I don't have to come back to the BAU''

''No, absolutely not. I want you at the BAU. We need you JJ and I don't want you to have to find another job. We will figure it out. I guess we should keep us on the down low for a little while. Only Rossi knows and maybe the boys if we tell them''

''You want to tell the boys?'' JJ asked surprised.

''I do. Jack will be so happy, JJ. He loves you and Henry so much. I can already see his face''

''I would love to tell them'' JJ agreed.

They ate their breakfast and talked about everything. They left and hour later for the airport to catch a flight to East-Allegheny. JJ told Hotch that he didn't need to come but he insisted on traveling together because he wanted as much time as possible to be alone with JJ. JJ was feeling happier than she ever thought she could be but there was also a feeling of dread because of her decision to go back to DC. She just knew that they had to be careful around each other.

**East-Allegheny, The Jareau household…**

JJ and Hotch stepped from JJ's car after pulling up in front of JJ's childhood home. Hotch had never seen it before and he liked to see where JJ spent a part of her childhood. He knew that JJ's adoptive parents meant the world to her because they saved her from the hell she used to be in. They walked up the porch and towards the door. JJ opened it and they walked inside. Hotch saw a couple of pictures of two blonde girls. He recognized JJ and he knew the other girl had to be her sister. He stood still for a moment to look at the pictures.

''That is Megan'' JJ said as she pointed towards her sister.

''You two look alike. It is weird''

''I know. I loved it growing up because it made me feel proud. I was so proud that I could call her my sister''

''I know, JJ. I know'' Hotch said and he pulled her into a hug when JJ got emotional.

''JJ?'' a male voice called from the living room .

Todd Jareau joined them in the hallway and JJ pulled from his embrace.

''Hey dad'' JJ greeted.

''Oh sorry, this is Agent Aaron Hotchner. Aaron this is my dad, Todd Jareau'' JJ said to introduce them and she saw them shaking hands.

''Agent Hotchner, huh?'' Todd said with a grin.

''Yeah, why?'' JJ asked suspiciously.

''Your mother and I were wondering when you would ever admit your feelings for him'' Todd explained.

''What?'' she asked.

''Come on JJ, you know what I am talking about. Every time you talked about your team he would be the only one you wouldn't talk about and whenever you did, we could just see it in your eyes'' Todd said.

''Okay'' JJ said softly.

''Aaron, you want coffee?'' Todd asked.

''Yeas, thank you'' Hotch said politely.

Hotch and JJ talked with her parents for a long time until it was time for them to leave. JJ's parents liked Hotch and their conversation was nice. JJ got Henry ready and they left after saying goodbye to her parents.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Another chapter. I am so sorry that it is short again but some chapter aren't coming as easily to me as others. I hope my next update will be longer. I hope everyone likes it!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, spyagent001, entangledinlove (Thank you so much for your review! It is really good to know that you like JJ/Hotch in my story) and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 21: Home sweet home**

JJ and Hotch were back in DC late at night. Hotch had decided to bring JJ home because he knew she needed to settle back in. He knew it was going to be weird for her to be back in her old life but he was going to do everything he could to support her through the changes. He saw that JJ was happy about being back in DC and he hoped she wasn't going to change her mind about that.

Hotch was pulling up in front of JJ's building. He saw JJ turning around to face him and she sighed deeply. Her hand went to his leg and she leaned forward to give him a soft kiss on the lips.

''Do you want to stay with me?'' JJ asked after pulling back from the kiss.

''Yeah..of course. Are you sure about that?''

''I am. I want you to stay with me. It is late and there is no need for you to drive back to your own place when you can stay with me instead. Is Jack with Jessica?''

''Yes. She took him to see her parents in Baltimore. Jack really wanted to see his grandparents again, so he will be back in three days or so'' Hotch explained and he pulled the keys from the ignition.

''Good. Come on'' JJ said and she climbed from the car.

JJ carefully picked Henry up from the car seat while Hotch took the suitcase and the two go-bags from the car. He followed JJ inside in the building and into the apartment. When they stepped inside the apartment it hit him that the last time he had been there, was when he and JJ had their very first kiss. He still remembered it as if it was yesterday. All the moments he had spent with JJ would be in the back of his mind for the rest of his life.

''I will put Henry down. Make yourself at home. I will be back in a few minutes'' JJ said and she walked into the small hallway and into Henry's room. It only took JJ a few minutes to get Henry ready for bed and he was fast asleep when she put him in his bed.

JJ walked back into the living room and she saw two glasses of wine on her coffee table and Hotch was sitting on the comfortable couch.

''Wow, you already found the wine'' JJ said as she made her way to the couch.

''I did'' Hotch said and JJ sat down next to him on the couch.

JJ snuggled into Hotch's side and he put an arm around her. JJ had her head on his shoulder and a silence fell between them. They were both enjoying the moment of happiness, not wanting to ever be pulled back into their normal lives because both of them knew that their relationship was going to be hard to maintain with their jobs. They also knew that they loved each other enough to keep it going and they weren't willing to give up.

''Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you hadn't been with Haley and if I hadn't been with Will?'' JJ asked curiously.

''Of course. I thought about that a lot but I think if we would have had a relationship when we first met that it might not have lasted'' Hotch replied.

''Okay''

''I don't mean it badly. I just think that our friendship brought us to this point. We have had long time to get to know each other and we have grown really close since we first met. I honestly wouldn't change anything for the world because in the end we are here. We are sitting on this couch. And I am holding the person I love and nothing will ever change that, JJ'' Hotch explained.

''I know. You know, I thought you were hot when I first met you. I thought you were hot but I put my crush aside when I saw your wedding ring'' JJ said and she heard him laugh softly.

''I actually thought you were very cute and beautiful but I didn't think too much about it because I was still happily married and I would have never cheated on Haley''

''I know and that is exactly what I love about you. You invest so much into a relationship. But you don't have to that with us because I want you to stay true to yourself. I don't want you to change because of me'' JJ said.

''I promise JJ. You only make me a better person'' Hotch said and he leaned down to put a soft kiss in the crook of her neck.

''I…I…I think we should get some sleep'' JJ said with a laugh while Hotch was still kissing her neck.

''Aaron, come on! It is late. I am tired and so are you'' JJ said, knowing that she was right.

''It is not my fault that I am tired. You are the one that kept me up last night, so don't blame me'' Hotch joked.

''From what I saw yesterday, you weren't complaining much'' JJ said and she was pulling him off the couch.

Hotch suddenly grabbed JJ from the floor and he picked her up. He made his way through the apartment and he held JJ until he made it to her bed. He dropped her on the middle of the bed and he straddled her. He started tickling her and JJ started to squirm because she didn't want to make too much noise because it could wake up Henry.

''Aaron, stop! Please!'' JJ pleaded and he finally let her go.

''Woos!'' Hotch joked and he ducked when JJ threw one of her shoes to the other side of the bedroom.

''Are you trying to kill me?''

''No, I was hoping I might injure you in some way'' JJ said and she walked towards her dresser to pull out a pajama she left there. There wasn't anything JJ could find, so she settled for a long baggy shirt and she crawled under the blankets after putting it on. She watched as Hotch got out of his suit and he got under the blankets in his boxers. JJ was sitting with her back against the headboard.

''I want to go back tomorrow'' JJ said really suddenly and she saw Hotch looking at her in surprise.

''What did you say?''

''I want to go to work with you tomorrow. I will go to Strauss and ask her if I can be reinstated effective immediately''

''Of course. That is great JJ''

''I know. I really want to go back. I want to see the team again and I actually miss my job. I don't know what changed my mind so suddenly but I want to go back'' JJ said happily.

''Do you think I changed your mind?'' Hotch said, trying to be seductive.

''Maybe. You know, that smirk on your face will not get you anywhere, handsome'' JJ joked and she saw the smile leave his face for a few seconds. They both broke down in a laugh after.

JJ and Hotch stayed up longer than expected. They talked about work and how they needed to be careful with their relationship. They had decided to not tell the team about their relationship right away because they needed to get used to having JJ back first. They both knew it was going to be extremely hard but they were willing to make the sacrifice to hide it from their friends for a while. Hotch was the one who was worrying the most because he knew he was going to be concerned about JJ for a while. She was just resettling into her old life and her job could still be hard on her and he just didn't want her to go back to her old feelings. He had seen an immense change in the last two days and it only made him more hopeful for their future together.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: I hope you all like this chapter!**

**Special thanks to entangledinlove, samcarter1980, spyagent001, Liviia, Twilightangell and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 22: A setback**

JJ was woken up the next morning when she heard several knocks on her door. She pulled away from Hotch's arms and she climbed from the bed to make her way to the door. JJ slowly opened the door and she was surprised to see Will standing behind her door with an angry face.

''Will'' JJ said in surprise.

''What are you doing here?'' JJ asked before Will could say anything to her.

''Well, I called your parents to talk to Henry because you weren't picking up your phone and your mom told me that you were back in DC. Why didn't you tell me?'' Will asked.

''Will, I have only been back for a day. Couldn't you have just called instead of showing up at my doorstep at this hour in the morning?''

''No. JJ I want to know what the hell is going on. About six weeks ago, you suddenly resign and take Henry to East-Allegheny and now your back in DC again'' Will said angrily.

''Nothing is going on. I told you I left for personal reasons and I am feeling better, so I decided to come back to DC. I wanted to call you today, so you could see Henry again'' JJ explained.

''You are lying''

''About what?'' JJ asked.

''I know you are with him. Your mother told me that you left yesterday with Agent Hotchner. Were you going to tell me, JJ?'' Will asked frustrated and he wanted to get inside her apartment but JJ held him back.

''It is none of your business!'' JJ said loudly.

''It is my business when you are screwing someone and my son is with you''

''Will, why are you so angry? We were just being friendly again and now you show up at my doorstep enraged because my mom told me that I left with Hotch yesterday'' JJ said.

''Are you with him?'' Will asked and he tried to look inside the apartment to see if there was anyone there.

In the meantime Hotch was woken up because he heard JJ raise her voice. He climbed from the bed to check on her. He made his way into the small hallway and he saw JJ standing at the door.

''JJ?'' Hotch said when he had no idea why JJ was standing at the door.

''He is here?'' Will asked.

''Will calm down!'' JJ said when he saw still behaving angry.

''Aaron, can you please give us a moment?'' JJ asked as she turned around to face Hotch and she saw him nod, so she turned her attention back to Will.

''Aaron?''

''Why are you acting like this?'' JJ asked him.

''I just didn't expect you to move on so quickly. I thought we might have had a chance together after you quit your job. JJ, I still love you and I want to try to be a family again'' Will explained and he saw that JJ was stunned.

''Will….I…I don't know what to say. We broke up months ago. It is never going to work between us. I am happy now. I am sorry but I can't. I will always love you but not in that way. I am so sorry'' JJ said apologetically because it was the last thing she expected him to say.

''I get it JJ. I really do but I guess I always thought we could have had a chance and when your mother told me about Hotchner, I just knew because the two of you have always been close and I should have seen it before. I am sorry for my outburst. Would you mind if I take Henry today? I have really missed him in the past weeks'' Will said and he saw that JJ felt bad for him and it was the last thing he wanted for her.

''Of course. Is it okay if I bring him to you in two hours?'' JJ asked.

''Yeah, that is fine''

''I will see you then'' JJ said and she closed the door when Will was walking away from her.

After JJ had closed the door, she leaned against it and a sigh escaped her. She felt bad about the way Will had found out but she just knew that there was no way the two of them could ever start a relationship. JJ knew her relationship with Hotch was different and she could be herself with him and she knew he would accept her no matter what. JJ had never had that feeling with anyone before and she knew that her relationship with Hotch was something she wouldn't give up for the world.

''Are you okay?'' Hotch asked with a worried tone when he saw JJ standing against the door.

''I will be'' JJ said softly and Hotch pulled her into a tight embrace.

''What did Will want?''

''He found out about us through my mom and he realized for the first time that things were really over between us'' JJ explained.

''What did he say?'' Hotch asked curiously.

''I guess he is okay with it. He asked me if I could bring Henry to him''

''He was really okay with it?'' Hotch asked surprised, knowing that Will would normally be extremely jealous. In the time that Hotch had known Will, he could see how jealous he was when JJ was talking to one of the males on the team. Will was always a controlling boyfriend and something wasn't feeling right to Hotch. He had a feeling he just couldn't shake.

''Yeah, he calmed down'' JJ replied.

''I will make some breakfast for the three of us. We can drop Henry off at Will's before we go to Quantico'' Hotch suggested and he saw JJ nodding in agreement.

Hotch and JJ got ready for work and dropped Henry off at Will's. Hotch still had a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. He and JJ were both quiet during most of the drive. JJ kept thinking about seeing the team again and she couldn't wait. She had missed everyone so much and she knew she needed to be back. She couldn't wait to have one of her famous girl's nights with Penelope and Emily. JJ was wondering if it would be same when she was coming back to the team because she just didn't how they really felt by her sudden departure.

Hotch pulled up in the parking garage. They both kept sitting in the car. Hotch turned to JJ and he saw the worry on her face and he knew she was just nervous about coming back to the team and the job.

''JJ, everything is going to be just fine. They will be happy to see you back, believe me! They have missed you all so much. The team hasn't been the same without you. It will be fine and if you are worrying, you always know where my office is'' Hotch said to try an reassure JJ.

''I know. I love you'' JJ said.

''I love you to'' Hotch said and they both stepped from the car after a long kiss.

JJ and Hotch decided that it would be best that JJ would go to Strauss before telling the team that she was coming back because she didn't know for sure that Strauss would let her come back. JJ and Hotch both made their way to Strauss' office. Hotch thought it would be best if he could vouch for JJ on coming back because his input was important when it concerned the team. Hotch knocked on her door and JJ was standing behind him.

''Come in'' Strauss said.

Hotch and JJ walked in together and Hotch noticed the weird look on Strauss' face. He could swear he saw a glint of happiness and he had no idea what Strauss had to be happy about. She was always the bully in the department and everyone hated her.

''Agent Hotchner and Jennifer. I actually wanted to talk to both of you. What a coincidence'' Strauss said happily.

''Hello Ma'am'' JJ said politely.

''What can I help you with?'' Strauss asked.

''Well, I have decided to come back to work. I would like to sign my reinstatement papers. I already talked to Agent Hotchner and he agreed with my decision'' JJ explained.

''Yes, I talked to Agent Jareau and I think it would be a good thing for the unit to have her back with us. Our results on cases are better when we have her with us'' Hotch stated.

''Of course you can come back, Jennifer. There is one thing I need you to do for me'' Strauss said with a smirk.

''Sure, what is it?'' JJ asked curiously.

''I need you to write a statement about Agent Hotchner sexually harassing you'' Strauss said and she saw JJ's face go pale while Hotch tried to keep his emotions in control.

''What? Why? Why…Why would I do that?'' JJ asked.

''Because you and Agent Hotchner are having a relationship. Your ex-boyfriend, William LaMontagne just informed me about it. I finally have all the information I need to get Agent Hotchner away from the BAU'' Strauss said.

''What?'' Hotch said with a raised voice and his anger was really showing now. He knew his career could be over after something like this.

''I guess that is a shame for you'' JJ said.

''What are you saying?'' Strauss asked.

''You can't fire him, Ma'am. Agent Hotchner and I started our relationship after I resigned from the FBI. It doesn't count as sexual harassment because I wasn't an agent for the FBI anymore. And you can't fire him now because it was just a fling'' JJ lied easily and she saw Strauss looking at her in amazement.

''JJ is telling the truth Ma'am. We had a short relationship but we decided on just being friends because it wasn't going anywhere. There is nothing going on'' Hotch lied as well.

''For now there is nothing I can do. But as soon as I hear something about a relationship, I will have both of your jobs'' Strauss threatened.

''I understand Ma'am'' JJ said.

''Here are your reinstatement papers'' Strauss said and she handed JJ the papers after signing them.

''Thank you'' JJ said.

Hotch and JJ left her office with a new weight on their shoulders. They knew everything just got more complicated and they had no idea if a relationship was pursuable after Strauss finding out about their so called fling. JJ couldn't believe it when she heard that Will was the one who told Strauss. JJ knew she was going to yell at Will the moment she saw him again because she just couldn't believe that he would put hers and Hotch's job at risk. JJ could feel the sudden tension between her and Hotch. She had no idea how they were going to have a relationship after that. The last thing she wanted was for Hotch to lose his job because he was in a relationship with his subordinate. She just knew that the job was way too important to him. She just thought that everything was going good again and no it was falling apart again.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Another chapter. There will be some new drama in this chapter but I promise it won't last too long. I want Rossi to get back at Strauss. It will happen in the next chapter. I hope you all like it! I might post the beginning of my new story today as well. **

**Special thanks to spyagent001, samcarter1980 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 23: There might be a way**

Hotch and JJ left Strauss' office. Hotch followed JJ when she kept walking through the hallways. She stopped in front of her office and she saw that her name was still on the door. She opened the door and pulled Hotch inside with her. Hotch sat down in one of the chairs while JJ kept pacing around her office because she didn't know what to do about their new situation. Their entire relationship became even more complicated and she didn't know what Hotch wanted to do about it.

''What do you want to do?'' JJ asked in a whisper.

''I don't know yet'' Hotch said somberly because he had no idea what to do. If he wanted to keep his job, he knew he would lose JJ without a doubt. But if he would choose JJ, he would lose his job. The decision was too hard for him to make in a split second.

''I can look for a job elsewhere'' JJ suggested and she really meant it because she would do almost anything to make her relationship with Hotch work.

''No no. I don't want you to leave the BAU''

''What else do you suggest, Aaron? I don't know what you want me to say'' JJ said a little angry because he wasn't saying much.

''I guess we both want to keep our jobs''

''Yeah, I already figured that out. What do you want to do after work to keep our relationship a secret?'' JJ asked.

''Nothing'' he said and he knew what he was saying but it was the only thing he could think about.

''What does that mean?''

''We just do nothing for now. We should wait for a while until Strauss becomes less suspicious. We can pick up the relationship then'' Hotch said and he rose from the chair and he saw that JJ was breaking down in tears.

''No! No! You can't be serious'' JJ said softly.

''I am'' Hotch said coldly, knowing that being distant would be easier for him to handle it all. He had no other options in his head and he wasn't willing to risk both of their careers.

''Don't walk away. Not now!'' JJ said as she grabbed his wrist and Hotch turned around.

''You don't get to decide on this alone. I am asking you to not do this'' JJ said softly.

Hotch looked into her blue eyes and he was making the hardest choice in his entire life but he knew he couldn't let JJ get another job because she needed her BAU family. They were the only people who could help her deal with everything.

''Please!'' JJ pleaded.

''JJ, I am sorry. I can't do this. My life is complicated enough. I can't handle anymore'' he said and with that he walked out of her office.

Hotch left JJ stunned and all alone. JJ finally dropped into her chair and she broke down in even worse tears. She couldn't believe that it happened. A part of her could understand his decision because she knew how much the job meant to both of them. There was also a part of JJ that couldn't believe that he wasn't willing to fight more.

In the meantime Hotch had made his way to his office. On the way to his office he had seen Reid, Morgan and Emily at their desks and Rossi was in his office. Hotch knew that JJ would appear sooner than later. When he was within the walls of his office he let himself drop to his couch and he groaned out in frustration. He wanted his life to be different. He knew he was hurting himself and JJ with his decision but to him it seemed like the best one for both of them and he wasn't going back. Hotch looked into the bullpen and he saw the blonde media liaison standing behind the doors of the bullpen and no one had seen her yet.

JJ was standing behind the bullpen doors. She was weighing all of her options one last time but she decided to walk inside. No one had seen her, so she decided to walk over to Emily first. JJ slowly and softly made her way to the desks when she suddenly heard a loud scream from behind her. JJ and the team quickly turned around to see who screamed. When JJ was turned around she saw Garcia running towards her with open arms.

''JJ!'' Garcia yelled loudly and she pulled the blonde into a tight hug.

''Hey Pen. I missed you so much!'' JJ said and she was happy to see her tech friend again.

''I missed you to. I was afraid you were never coming back to us'' Garcia said and she finally let JJ go.

''How could I possibly do that? No one can go to long without Penelope Garcia by their side'' JJ said and they both had a smile on their faces.

''Hey girl'' Emily said from behind JJ.

JJ turned around to hug her brunette friend. JJ had missed them more than she thought. JJ looked up from Emily's shoulder and she saw Rossi and Hotch staring down at the reunion from the catwalk. JJ locked eyes with Hotch for a second but her gaze was blocked when Reid stepped behind Emily.

''I missed you to Emily!'' JJ sighed.

Reid was getting impatient to greet JJ, so he gave Emily a soft push from behind. JJ and Emily pulled away from each other and JJ flew right into Reid's arms.

''Hey Spence. How are you?'' JJ said.

''I am fine, JJ. How have you been?'' Reid asked.

''I am good'' JJ said and she looked to the left to see Derek standing there with a smirk on his face.

''I knew our princess couldn't go to long without Derek Morgan'' Derek joked.

''Player!'' JJ and Emily said at the same time and JJ gave him a hug as well.

''Derek, I thought I was your princess'' Garcia whined.

''Of course you are baby girl. You will always be my princess'' Derek said immediately and he put an arm around Penelope.

''It is really good to have you back, JJ'' Emily commented.

''It really is because it hasn't been the same without you'' Reid added.

''I am glad to be back. I missed you all so much'' JJ said softly and she couldn't help but smile at the sight of her friends but she felt a hole in her heart when she glanced at Hotch for a moment.

''So, how have you really been?'' Penelope asked.

''Honestly, I have been doing good. I am definitely myself again'' JJ said in all honesty because it was the truth. She was doing better. Now she just needed to figure things out with Hotch.

At the same time, Hotch and Rossi were looking down at the team welcoming JJ. Everyone welcomed her with open arms and the girls even shed some light tears. Rossi observed several glances from JJ towards Hotch and he could see that she was worrying about something.

''So, she is really back?'' Rossi asked.

''I guess so'' Hotch replied stoically.

''What happened in Kansas?''

''Not much. We interviewed Walters and he was actually being human for a couple of seconds'' Hotch answered and he knew that Rossi didn't want to hear that answer.

''You know that is not what I mean'' Rossi said and he heard Hotch sigh next to him.

Hotch wasn't talking anymore, so Rossi decided to go and greet JJ to. He had seen her recently but that didn't change much. JJ was like a daughter to him and he didn't want her to get hurt because he knew that she was a good person.

''Hey kiddo'' Rossi finally greeted and he watched JJ walk away from the group to come towards him.

''Hey Dave'' JJ greeted.

''Do you want to talk somewhere private?'' Rossi asked when he saw the tears welling up in her eyes.

''Yeah, that would be great'' JJ said.

''I will be back guys'' JJ said and she followed Rossi up to the catwalk to walk to his office. JJ passed Hotch and she decided to stop to greet him to keep up appearances with the team.

''Hi sir. It is good to be back. Thank you for your support'' JJ said as she shook his hand.

''Your welcome, JJ. It is good to have you back'' Hotch said with pain in his voice.

JJ followed walked inside Rossi's office and he saw that he had already closed his blinds. Rossi gestured JJ to sit down in one of his chairs. JJ took a seat across from Rossi and she knew that he knew what was going on.

''What happened JJ?'' Rossi asked.

''Strauss knows'' JJ said softly.

''How can she know?''

''Will called her. He found out through my mother and he informed Strauss. I am going to yell at him when I am picking Henry up today'' JJ said.

''What did Hotch say?''

''Well, it came down to us waiting. So I guess, we are taking a break or something because he doesn't want to continue the relationship outside work'' JJ replied.

''I will knock some sense into him, JJ. And for Strauss I have some great ideas. I have some dirt on the woman'' Rossi said with a big smile because he knew how he could get Erin Strauss to shut up.

''What kind of dirt?'' JJ asked curiously.

''Enough kiddo. Why don't you get back down there to catch up with them. I will take care of all of this. Don't worry!'' Rossi said to reassure her.

''Thanks Dave'' JJ said and she walked from his office, not knowing what Rossi had up his sleeves but she knew he could take care of it. Everyone knew Rossi didn't let anyone mess with his family. Now he just needed to do one last thing to protect two of his closest friends so they could be happy together and have the life they always wanted.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: I posted my new story yesterday and I will probably update it within in a week because I want to finish this story first. I hope everyone likes this chapter! In the next chapter there will be Hotch/Strauss, Hotch/Emily/JJ and Hotch/JJ. I am sorry for the short chapter.**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, Twilightangell, Jotchprossi18, spyagent001 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 24: The threat**

Rossi was still sitting in his office. He knew what he had to do to get Strauss to get off Hotch and JJ's backs. He knew he could keep Strauss away from them but he just didn't know if it was too late for JJ and Hotch to repair that the damage that had already been done to their short-lived relationship. He knew that JJ would do almost anything to be with Hotch but he just couldn't believe that Hotch gave up so easily.

He finally decided to make his move and he rose from his chair. Rossi slowly made his way through the bullpen. He saw that the team was still catching up with JJ and even Hotch was standing with them. As he made his way towards the glass doors, he saw Hotch glancing at him and he gave him a reassuring nod to let him know that everything was okay. Rossi walked through the hallways until he was standing in front of Strauss' office. He didn't bother knocking because he was furious with the woman for what she had done. He could understand that it was frowned upon for a subordinate and her boss to have a relationship but Rossi didn't know anyone who deserved it more than Hotch and JJ to be happy. He knew he had to dig up the past to make a statement towards Strauss but he didn't care about that because it wouldn't hurt him at all.

He saw Strauss looking at him with a stunned face as he sat down in the chair across from her desk with a smirk on his face.

''Was it so hard to knock, Dave?'' she asked sternly.

''No, I just didn't want to''

''Okay. Why are you here?'' she asked as she was still going through her paperwork.

''I just thought I would have nice conversation with a very dear friend'' Rossi joked and he saw the expression on her face change and he knew he hit the right spot.

''Get on with it Dave. What do you want from me?''

''I want you to stop threatening Aaron and JJ'' Rossi hinted.

''Or what? You can't threaten me!'' Strauss said angrily.

''Of course I can. Do you remember that steamy night we had about nine years ago at a office party? Wasn't you husband at home with your children? Tell me, because I can't remember'' Rossi said happily.

''You wouldn't'' Strauss said with a raised voice.

''I won't bet on it if I were you'' Rossi said and he was about to stand up when she started talking again.

''You have no proof. No one will ever believe you. My husband won't believe you!''

''Oh, he will Erin. I actually took some really nice pictures that night of us while being drunk. I can show them to you because I have them on my computer. Say the word and people will see them!'' Rossi threatened this time.

''Are you threatening me?''

''I actually am. Leave them alone or I swear that those picture will see the light of day''

''Okay. I will leave them alone'' Strauss promised and she watched as Rossi was walking towards the door and he turned around and she knew there was something else coming her way.

''And I want you to apologize and you have to let them know that their jobs are safe. It was actually nice doing business with you again'' Rossi joked and he finally left the office.

In the meantime the team was still hanging around in the bullpen. Emily noticed that JJ was acting strangely. After she observed the blonde for a while she could see that JJ kept glancing at Hotch and she averted her eyes whenever he made eye contact with her. Emily wanted to know what was going on because JJ seemed extremely uncomfortable with everything.

''JJ, can I talk to you for a sec?'' Emily asked in the middle of a conversation.

''Sure'' JJ said and she followed Emily into the hallway and into her own office.

Emily was fidgeting through the room while JJ sat down on the edge of her desk because she had no idea what was going on and JJ tried to stay calm.

''Why are you acting like this?'' JJ finally asked.

''Me? I should ask you that'' Emily said a little too loudly and her hand went to cover her mouth after she had already blurted out the sentence.

''What?'' JJ asked with astonishment.

''Ah, come on. Hotch and you have been extremely uncomfortable around each other. What the hell happened in Kansas?''

''Nothing happened. He probably thinks it is weird to have me back''

''Hotch never shows any emotion, JJ. He can be a statue and people wouldn't notice the difference. I just don't understand what is going on between the two of you. You know you can tell me anything, right? Because if I think what I am thinking, I know this is huge and amazing…'' Emily said but JJ interrupted her before she could say anything else.

''Em, stop! Nothing is going on anymore'' JJ said with so much disappointment that even Emily knew how heartbroken she actually was.

''Anymore? What did he do?''

''Not much. We have kind of been in a relationship since I left and it got serious in Kansas again. Today we went to Strauss but she told us that she wanted to fire us if there was something going on between us'' JJ explained.

''How did she know?

''Will informed her about it''

''What? The ass! I am going to kill him. He was probably just jealous. He has always been a moron. I am sorry to say that JJ but none of us really liked him. We just pretended because you seemed to be crazy about him. I hope you and Hotch can fix things because I can see that the two of you should really be together'' Emily rambled.

''I know. I just want to relax for now. I think I will ask if Henry can stay with Will one more night, so I can wallow the rest of today. I will kill Will tomorrow, I promise'' JJ said with a small smile.

''Why don't you come over to my place? We can watch a movie and eat ice cream'' Emily suggested.

''Sounds like a plan. Oh and Em, can you please not tell anyone about me and Hotch?''

''Of course JJ. Do you want to tell me why it is over so suddenly? I mean, didn't Hotch think about a way to sneak around behind Strauss' back?'' Emily asked curiously.

''No, he literally said that his life was too complicated for him and he didn't want to complicate things further. He just gave up which I never expected him to do. I love him, Emily and I can't believe that he would just let me hanging like this'' JJ said and the tears fell from her blue eyes.

''I am so sorry JJ. Why don't we leave now. There are no cases and I will call someone to let them know that we went home'' Emily suggested.

''Yeah, that would be best'' JJ said.

JJ and Emily walked from her office and they made their way to the elevator. JJ was happy to be back with her family but a part of her was also disappointed and really sad because of everything that was going on with Hotch. She just hoped that he would change his mind really soon.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Some people might hate me for what will happen in this chapter but I promise that everything will be okay eventually. I hope you all like it!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 25: The end of the beginning**

Emily had already left when Strauss came walking into the bullpen. Hotch had no idea what Rossi had been up to because when he returned to the bullpen he had smirk on his face and he looked extremely happy with whatever he had done before he returned. Hotch heard the doors close and he turned around to see Strauss walking towards him.

''Agent Hotchner, can I talk to you in your office?'' Strauss asked with shame in her voice.

''Of course Ma'am'' Hotch replied as politely as possible.

Hotch made his way into his office and he closed the door behind Strauss. He walked to his own chair and he sat down in it. He had no idea what the woman wanted and he knew she wasn't in his office to have a nice conversation. Ever since he became Unit Chief, he knew that Strauss was out to get him. She had tried to get information from Emily but she had enough pride to resign from the BAU, instead of feeding her the information. Hotch had no idea why Strauss felt threatened by him because he had made it clear several times that he wanted to stay in the BAU.

''What can I do for you?'' he asked softly.

''I need you to listen to me for a couple of seconds'' Strauss explained.

''Of course''

''I want to apologize for my threats towards you and Agent Jareau. As long as the team doesn't suffer from a relationship, there will be no problems coming from me'' Strauss said with the shame still in her voice.

Hotch suddenly realized that Rossi had talked to her and must have said something to put her in a corner. Hotch could see how much she hated it to apologize but he couldn't help but smile.

''Okay Ma'am'' Hotch said politely and he saw Strauss leaving his office without saying anything else.

When the door closed he finally started laughing loudly. He had no idea what Rossi said and he knew he had a lot to thank him for. For now he needed to make sure that JJ was okay. He knew she could be extremely happy with the news. He just didn't know how she felt about him giving up so quickly. He only needed to find JJ to talk to her and to apologize for his behavior.

Hotch rose from his chair and decided to go to thank Rossi first. He knew Strauss would have never come to him without Rossi's helps. He knocked on the door and he walked inside when Rossi gave permission.

''Thanks Dave'' Hotch said thankfully.

''For what?'' Dave asked ignorantly.

''For whatever you said to Strauss and for what you made her do. It means the world to me''

''I don't know what you are talking about. Just go after your girl Aaron before it is too late'' Rossi said.

Hotch made his way through the bullpen and he felt eyes on him because he was leaving so early. He normally was the one to leave at last and now he was actually leaving before everyone else. He quickly made his way to his car and he drove away with speed.

When he finally pulled up in front of JJ's building he was already getting nervous. It was like he was asking a girl out for the first time but he and JJ had done so much more. Before he knew it, he was already standing in front of her apartment door. He knocked three times but there was no answer. He knocked again and there was still no answer.

''JJ! Open up! We need to talk'' Hotch said loudly and there still wasn't a reaction.

Hotch decided to call her and he got her voicemail. He left JJ a message and a text. He decided to call Garcia to ask her to track her down. He knew it was unprofessional but he needed to know where she was because he was getting really worried.

''_Garcia''_

''Hey Garcia, I need you to track JJ's phone'' Hotch ordered.

''_Why? Where is she? Did she leave again? Is she hurt?''_

''No, calm down Garcia''

''_Okay. Let me check….Ah, she is at Emily's place, sir''_

''Thanks Garcia!'' Hotch said and he hung up the phone immediately.

He walked back to his car and climbed in it. He once again made a drive but to another apartment. He knew where Emily lived. He knew where everyone of his team lived in case something was ever going to happen. After thirty minutes he pulled up in front of Emily's building and he quickly jumped from his car. He made his way inside and waited impatiently for the elevator. He was standing in front of the apartment within seconds. He rang the doorbell two times and he heard the two familiar voices coming from inside.

JJ and Emily were crawled up onto the couch. They had been talking for a really long time. JJ had poured her heart out to Emily about everything that had happened and JJ couldn't help but cry. Talking about it, only made it more real to her and she knew what was going on with Hotch wasn't fair to her. She knew she made a mistake by leaving him without saying goodbye but he also made a mistake because he gave up on her and he didn't trust her when he should have trusted her.

''My life just sucks'' JJ said and the doorbell suddenly rang.

''One sec, JJ'' Emily said as she rose from the couch and pulled her robe tightly around her.

Emily looked through the peephole and she sighed deeply when she saw her boss standing on the other side. After everything JJ had told her, she couldn't help but be angry with him. He had hurt her friend badly and even though they repaired their relationship in Kansas, Emily still knew that Hotch was the one at fault and she wasn't going to let him off easily because JJ deserved more from him.

''What the hell are you doing here?'' Emily asked angrily after she had opened the door.

''Is JJ still here?'' Hotch asked with a lot of worry.

''She is but you don't get to ask that!'' Emily stated harshly and she saw Hotch cringe slightly at her comment.

''Prentiss!'' Hotch said to warn her.

''Hotch, leave her alone!'' Emily yelled.

''Prentiss, you don't talk to me that way. I am your boss''

''In this moment you are nothing more than the guy that screwed over my best friend. You are not my boss in this moment. Right now, I am protecting my best friend. The amazing girl that has been through hell and is crying on my couch because of what you did and said to her'' Emily said loudly.

''I just want to know how she is doing?'' Hotch asked softly.

''How do you think she is doing?'' she asked harshly.

''Emily, I just…'' Hotch tried to say.

''….Stay away from her!'' Emily said with a raised voice and she was about to push Hotch away when she saw that he wasn't moving an inch and she realized that Hotch wasn't going away.

''Emily! Stop!'' JJ said and she was standing at Emily's side within seconds. JJ barely looked at Hotch. She turned around to Emily.

''Em, it is okay. I will take care of it''

''Are you sure?'' Emily asked.

''Yeah, I will be fine. I will be back in a few minutes. It won't take long. I promise'' JJ said and she saw Emily walking away with a lot of doubt.

JJ stepped in front of Hotch and when no one was saying anything, she walked outside into the hallway. She heard his footsteps behind her. JJ turned around to face him and she realized he was suddenly very close to her. She could smell his aftershave and it was the familiar scent that could drive her crazy but her anger was the thing that could push it all away.

''JJ, we need to talk'' Hotch said and he took one of her hands in his but JJ immediately pulled her hand back.

''No, we don't!'' JJ said with a raised voice.

''JJ, talk to me! Please! I know we picked up our relationship in Kansas but I feel like we haven't talked about everything. I am just so sorry for everything'' Hotch said apologetically.

''And what is everything?''

''I am sorry about giving up after our meeting with Strauss. I am so sorry for giving up on us''

''You know what Hotch that isn't even why I am mad at you. I get it, because your job means the world to you and you wanted to be careful. I get it''

''Then why are you so mad at me?'' Hotch asked softly.

''Because while I was talking to Emily I realized I was blaming myself for the time we were apart. I was putting all the blame on myself and you just let me. I thought I was the one that was the problem. But it wasn't all my fault. You broke a promise to me, Aaron'' JJ explained.

''I did that because I didn't talk to you for six weeks! I didn't know what to think JJ! I thought we were over'' Hotch said with the anger rising in his voice.

''We slept together. Having sex with you was more than enough proof, Aaron. You asked me to be yours and I gave myself to you completely. I made a promise and so did you but you broke yours!'' JJ said and she was walking down the hallway to make her way outside.

''I didn't know what to think!'' Hotch tried to explain.

''You didn't trust me. If you would have trusted me, you would have known that I would have came back no matter what. I need to be with someone who trusts me. I need to be with someone who I can count on'' JJ explained and the tears were welling up in her eyes.

JJ turned around to face away from him. She looked at the quiet street and she thought back to the times when she was still happy. Now she felt like she had lost everything.

''I thought we talked about this. It thought we were over this. I forgave you, JJ! Why can't you forgive me?'' Hotch said and she turned around and the tears were streaming down her face.

''You know what Hotch, I thought you had so much grace in that moment'' JJ cried out.

''JJ?''

''I can't believe you. You are using it as a bargaining chip. Why would you?''

''Because you have only been pushing me away!''

''No, I haven't. When I was in East-Allegheny I needed time to myself but I never pushed you away and I never gave up on us. You gave up on us today without even talking to me. You never let me in. Never!'' JJ said softly and the tears weren't slowing down.

''I love you JJ! You are the person I want to be with. I want you and no one else. I don't know what else I can do about this. I am fighting for you right now'' Hotch said.

''I know you are but it doesn't change anything anymore. I believed in you and you walked away without a doubt. If this was really a strong relationship, it wouldn't be over this soon. It would have lasted through Strauss' scrutiny'' JJ said.

''There isn't a problem with Strauss anymore''

''What?'' JJ asked .

''Rossi took care of it and she came to tell me that we can have a relationship as long as it doesn't affect the team'' Hotch explained.

''Okay''

''What do you want me to do JJ?'' Hotch asked with fear.

''I think you should leave''

''JJ, I don't want to lose you'' he said softly.

''You already have'' JJ said and she meant it.

''Let me fix this'' Hotch pleaded.

''No Hotch! No!''

''But I love you. I can't live without you''

''I love you to. I know a part of me will always love you but there is also a huge part of me that you broke and I don't know if that can be fixed'' JJ admitted with all honesty.

''Will I see you tomorrow?''

''I think so. I am still back at work. I just need to figure some things out. I have to go. I can't do this anymore'' JJ said and she walked back inside and at the same moment she felt like her heart was torn in half. She loved Hotch. But their relationship had started with a lot of difficulty and she couldn't handle any more complications and disappointments. She thought it was best to end it before it was going to become even more real. Before they involved the kids. She hoped that she could give it all a place one day but her heart was still aching for him as she walked away.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: This chapter is longer. I want to thank everyone who has been reviewing, following and putting my story on their favorite list. It means so much to me. I couldn't do this without any of you! I hope you all like this chapter!**

**Special thanks to spyagent001, Jotchprossi18, samcarter1980, ncis4ever21 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 26: Another tragedy **

**Twelve days later…**

The team was sitting on the plane. They were all traveling to Kansas to testify at Walters' trial. The entire team knew that it was going to be a hard period for JJ because she had and her mom were they key witnesses. JJ hadn't seen her mom since the interview when they were working on her father's case. Matthew Porter informed JJ that he told her mother this morning who she was and that she was also going to testify at the trial. JJ didn't know what she was going to say when she was confronted with her mother again.

JJ was sitting in a secluded spot on the plane and she was glancing at Hotch. She saw that he was looking through the case files. JJ had barely talked to him anymore since they talked at Emily's apartment. They only talked about cases and whenever he tried to take a personal turn she would turn the conversation back because she didn't want to talk about it anymore. JJ still had the same feelings for him and she knew it would never disappear because she still loved him and she knew it would take time to get over him. For now she needed to concentrate on the trial that was starting early in the morning the next day. JJ decided to be present at the entire trial. She knew that her mother had to testify around 9 am and JJ was going to be questioned after her. She was feeling nervous about seeing her mother. A part of her wanted to get to know her but there was also a part of her that wanted to yell at her for leaving her when she was still little. JJ was pulled from her thoughts when Hotch suddenly met her gaze and she saw his eyes darkening. They held their gazes for what seemed like ages and JJ felt herself become calmer in a way. No matter what he did, he still had the effect on her. He was the one that made her feel safe and loved. As JJ was thinking about her relationship with Hotch she also thought about how it ended. Her mind went to her confrontation with Will.

* * *

_Flashback – Second day in DC_

_JJ jumped from her car. She just left Emily's place to pick up Henry from Will. JJ knew she could almost kill Will for what he had done but a part of her knew she had to keep herself together. She still couldn't believe that he was out to get back at JJ by informing Strauss about her relationship with her boss._

_JJ slammed her hand on the door several times and she heard footsteps on the other side of the door. The door opened and Will looked at her with smile._

''_Get that smile of your face asshole!'' JJ yelled._

''_JJ?'' Will asked._

''_Don't act like you don't know what is going on. I can't believe you. Were you really so jealous of Hotch? We are over Will. There will never be an us again. I will never come back to you. I was miserable with you. You were changing me and when I finally find someone else you have the audacity to ruin it. How could you?'' JJ yelled and she was already storming into the apartment to grab Henry's stuff and she only needed to get Henry before she could leave._

''_JJ, calm down!'' Will pleaded._

''_No! No! What do you want from me? Do you really want me to be so miserable? Do you want to make my life harder for me? Your method really worked Will. I am broken okay. I am done. Thank you'' JJ said and halfway through the sentence she dropped to the couch and the tears were streaming down her face and her voice changed into a soft tone instead of angry._

''_JJ, what is going on?'' Will asked with worry. He knew what he did was wrong but he thought that he was protecting JJ. He was jealous of Hotch and he wasn't going to deny it but he wanted JJ to be happy no matter what._

''_Hotch and I are over. It is done. You got what you wanted!'' JJ said with the tears streaming down her face._

''_I thought he was using you JJ. I thought it wasn't mutual. I am so sorry''_

''_It is too late for an apology. I have heard sorry so many times in the last twenty-four hours that I don't know the meaning of the word anymore'' JJ said and Will stayed silent._

''_I am taking Henry. I wanted to let you know that I am bringing him to my parents in twelve days because I have to be in Kansas for a trial that is important. I will see you Will'' JJ continued and she made her way into Henry's room. She picked him up and put a kiss on his forehead. JJ didn't say anything to Will and she just left, feeling worse than ever._

* * *

She hadn't seen or heard from Will in the last twelve days. She drove Henry down to her parents yesterday and she arrived at the airstrip in time to catch the plane with the team. The team had only been flying for an hour and it was only 8 am. Matthew asked them to come in earlier so they could look through the last details. JJ knew that the trial could have a really bad outcome for her dad because he could get the death penalty and she knew that chance was very likely. She just couldn't think about it because she didn't know how she felt about her own father anymore. She wanted to hate him but she somehow couldn't.

JJ was pulled from her thoughts again when Morgan sat down in front of her. JJ gave him a small smile but she adverted her eyes from him when he kept looking at her. JJ suddenly felt really uncomfortable.

''What?'' JJ asked.

''Are you going to keep staring at him?'' Derek asked bluntly.

''What?''

''Come on JJ. You know what I mean. I can see it. The two of you need to do something about what is going on'' Derek said.

''Derek stop! This is none of your business'' JJ said angrily.

''JJ, he wants you. You are so lucky. The two of you are so perfect for each other. It just fits and when I look at the two of you I can see it''

''Derek, I am asking you to stop. This doesn't concern you'' JJ said again and time her voice was so loud that the rest of the team could hear it and she saw their faces looking at her.

''I am sorry'' Derek apologized.

''It's okay. Just don't go there. I can't talk about it because it hurts too much Derek. I know you are concerned but please let me be'' JJ said softly and Derek grabbed her hand and he softly squeezed it.

''You are going to be fine princess. You are strong and you will knock them dead on that stand tomorrow'' Derek said encouragingly.

''Thanks'' JJ said and she leaned back into her chair.

The rest of the flight JJ kept sitting across from Derek and the subject about Hotch didn't come along again. At the end JJ was also able to get some sleep before they were landing. After they landed the team went straight to the DA's office. They team was there for two hours and JJ had to stay after they left. She went through all the questions and Matthew was proud of her. In the time that JJ had come to know him, he became a dear friend to her. He listened to her and she listened to him. He was kind and honest and he helped JJ deal with everything.

JJ was walking through the hallway of the hotel. She walked around the corner when she suddenly collided with a hard chest. She looked up and she saw that she bumped into Hotch.

''I am sorry'' JJ said quickly and she wanted to walk further but Hotch suddenly grabbed her arm and he pulled her back.

''Are you okay?'' he asked.

''No not really but I think you already knew that'' JJ said harshly.

''JJ'' Hotch said with his voice full of longing.

''No, don't. Please don't!'' JJ pleaded because she knew she would give into temptation if he would get to close to her. JJ took a few steps back.

''I will see you tomorrow, Hotch. Sleep well'' JJ said and she left him standing in the hallway.

JJ opened the door to the hotel and she was welcomed by Emily and Penelope. They had decided to get a room with double beds. All the guys had rooms for themselves but the girls wanted to sleep together. The trial was going to take at least two weeks. The team only had to be there the first week but they decided to stay there to support JJ.

JJ walked inside the room and she saw that they were already making it their home. Penelope had put her colorful stuff in all the corners and Emily had a collection of clothes spread out on one of the beds.

The rest of the day went by rather quickly and they all went to bed early because they had to be up really early. JJ wasn't able to close and eye. She had a bad feeling that she couldn't shake and she couldn't help but think that something could do terribly wrong tomorrow.

* * *

**The next morning…**

JJ was woken up by the alarm the next morning. She climbed from the bed and went straight into the bathroom to take a shower. After her shower she came back into the room and she saw that Emily and Penelope were still asleep. She quickly changed into her clothes for the trial and she grabbed her purse and she went outside to get some fresh air. She walked through the hallways and she finally felt the pressure and the nervous inside of her. She decided to get some breakfast and go back up to the room after she was done.

JJ didn't go back up but the team came down and they all ate breakfast together. JJ stayed quiet the entire time. She still had a bad feeling and it didn't become any less when she was sitting in one of the SUV's on the way to the courthouse. When they pulled up they saw a lot of reporters and people gathered around the entrance. JJ knew the trial was closed off for outsiders but it still didn't make her feel better. They squirmed themselves through the crowd and when they were finally inside they were greeted by a nervous Matthew.

''What is it Matthew?'' JJ asked.

''I need to talk to you in private JJ'' he said and JJ followed him to the other side building.

''What?'' JJ asked with worry when he turned to face her and she saw regret and nerves in his eyes.

''Susan dropped off a letter with a note at my office. The note said that she couldn't testify and that she left. She told us to give the letter to you'' Matthew said and he handed JJ the letter.

Both Matthew and JJ didn't notice the defense attorney behind them.

''What does this mean for the case?'' JJ asked.

''It means we have less ammunition to bring Clark down. Your mother's testimony wasn't much but she could put emotion into play really well. I need you to take her spot. We will start in five minutes'' Matthew said and he walked away from JJ.

JJ felt her knees go weak and she leaned against the wall. She held the letter in her hands and she just looked at it. She decided to read it after her testimony because it could only make her more nervous and she didn't need that. The next five minutes she kept pacing through the building.

When the courtroom finally opened, she sat down next to her team while they listened to the opening statements. JJ was waiting for the official line to drop that meant she had to face the jurors and the defense attorney.

''The prosecution calls Jennifer Jareau to the stand'' Matthew said.

JJ rose and she made her way to the stand and she sat down. She saw that Matthew was about to start when the defense attorney interrupted him.

''I would like to know why Susan Dunn isn't testifying, your honor'' the attorney said with a smirk.

''Objection!'' Matthew said.

''He is right Mr. Porter. Where is Susan Dunn, she was supposed to be here'' the judge said.

''It is probably in the letter that she wrote to her daughter. The daughter who is also the daughter of the defendant'' the attorney said.

''I would like Ms. Jareau to read the letter to us'' the judge said.

''Of course, your honor'' Matthew said and he got the letter from Emily and he brought it over to JJ.

JJ started to shiver when the envelope was in her hands. She tore it open and she pulled out a letter and she started reading.

''_To my dearest daughter,_

_I have made terrible mistakes in my life, mistakes I wish I could change but I can't. I know how much pain this will cause you but never forget how much I love you._

_I know you think that I packed up and left when you were seven but it's not the truth. I also know that you loved and adored your father so much. I did to, but as I had gotten to know him over the years I found out things that shook my world. Things I wish I never knew. I followed your father one night and I watched as he was about to force himself on a young girl. I interrupted him and I told him I wanted an explanation. That was the first night when I met the real Clark Walters. Not the sweet and hopeless romantic but the cold and lifeless monster we know now. He beat me up that night and threatened to kill you if I would tell anyone what I had seen. I listened to him, I obeyed and I kept living a lie. This happened a year before I left. When I thought everything was going well again I knew that he was doing it again. I decided to leave him and take you with me. I wanted a different life for you. You deserved more than a father who was nothing. I dragged you out of your bed one night and told you we were going on vacation without your father. He caught me. He threw me down the stairs and he told you that it was an accident. A month later, I left. I couldn't take you with me because he wouldn't let me. I thought he would never hurt you. I know now, how wrong I was. I should have done more to fight for you. I should have stepped up to be a real mother and I should have given you a real chance in life. _

_Even though I didn't kill all those women, I know I have to take part of the responsibility on me. I knew what he was doing. I should have done right by you but instead I decided to hide and to act like I was all alone in the world. And I am so sorry for not doing the right thing when I could have done it._

_I looked for you after he was arrested. I went to all the foster care agencies. I went from one adoption agency to the next. I was never able to find you. I guess, I couldn't because you changed your name. I of course don't blame you for that. I could never blame you for anything. You were a victim of your father as well, JJ and for that I am truly sorry. I don't know what happened to you but whatever did happen I wished I could have been in your place instead. I should have never left you. I could have stayed but I chose to be a true coward and I always will be._

_If I have learned anything from all of this it is that you should never let the pain blind you. I gave into my pain. I let it consume me and it took over my life. I lost myself when I realized I lost you. You have every right to hate me and I am not asking you to forgive me. But I hope that as you are reading this letter that you might be able to understand my side to the story._

_The world will see my life as one of destruction but I know that you are my daughter. For that I am proud every single day. I am so proud of the person you have become. You are strong and beautiful._

_I know that when you get this letter that I will be dead. Please don't mourn my death. But I need one favor from you. I know I shouldn't ask you any favors but I have one and I need you to promise me to stay true to this favor. Forget him. Do not let him take over your life, like he did with mine. Stay true to who you are. Be the person you have been ever since you escaped the nightmare. Don't let this destroy your life, like it did to mine. I lost everything and you shouldn't have to suffer the loss of yourself. You probably are already asking yourself who you are, but then I will tell you to look at yourself in the mirror and see who you really are. Don't waste a minute of your life. Every minute we breath is a minute that counts. Be the person you want to be and do what you want to do. Don't let anyone hold you back like I did._

_I never knew who you were until today. I wished I knew earlier. I remember you from the interview when he was still out there. You are a beautiful woman, JJ. Don't let anyone change that about you, not even me. I will love you forever, not matter where I am._

_I am so proud of you, JJ!_

_Thank you for listening._

_Love,_

_Susan Dunn''_

JJ's hand touched the letter and she was shocked. The tears were streaming down her face after she had read the first few sentences. She never knew why her mother truly left and she finally knew the truth but it didn't make it any better. She reread the sentence: _I know that when you get this letter that I will be dead_. She realized what must have happened. She couldn't believe it. JJ clutched the letter into her hand and she rose from the chair and she ran out of the courtroom. It was getting too much. And she realized her mother probably killed herself because she was to afraid to testify. Before she was out of the courtroom she heard the judge say that they had to take thirty minutes.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: I hope you all like this one!**

**Special thanks to samcarter1980, spyagent001 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 27: Learning to trust again**

JJ was running like her life depended on it. She was able to grab her purse and jacket before anyone could stop her. She was already holding the keys from one of the SUV's in her hand and she was ready to drive away. She jumped in the SUV and put the keys in the ignition. She drove away and she grabbed her phone to make a call because she needed to know where her mother lived. JJ knew her mother probably went back home. JJ knew her mother used to live in Wichita but Matthew told her that her mother recently moved closer to Kansas City. JJ dialed the number of Kevin Lynch because he was the only tech available because Garcia was with them in Kansas.

''_Technical analyst Kevin Lynch''_

''Hey Kevin. It is me, JJ. I need you to give me the address of Susan Dunn'' JJ said quickly without saying anything else.

''_Of course. I am searching through the database right now''_

JJ was waiting for him to give her the address while she was racing through the traffic. JJ had the sirens on in the SUV because she almost hit cars multiple times and she knew it was an emergency. The adrenaline was pumping through her veins. Even though she never had a good relationship with her birth mother, she was always planning on contacting her again because she wanted to know her mother. JJ was pulled from her thoughts when Kevin started talking again.

''_I found the address. I will send it to your phone''_

''Thanks Kevin. I will see you. Bye'' JJ said and she hung up the phone.

In the meantime Hotch was following closely behind JJ. He had run after her the moment she ran out of the courtroom. When he saw her crying while she was reading the letter, his heart broke and he knew JJ was hurt again. It was like she could never have a break in her life. Hotch saw that JJ kept racing and he decided to just follow her because he knew that she was going to Susan Dunn's house. Hotch already called the local police department to tell them that there was a possible suicide. He still didn't got a call back but it had only been a few minutes.

Fifteen minutes later Hotch saw JJ pulling up in front of a small house. He parked his car and he saw that JJ was already running towards the house. He jumped from the car to catch up with her. He made a sprint for it and when he finally caught up with her, he put his arms around her waist to hold her back. He had already seen the police cars outside and he knew it was a really bad sign. JJ was already struggling against his tight grip but he wasn't planning on letting her go.

''JJ! Stop!'' Hotch yelled when she still didn't stop.

''Hotch, let me go! Let me go!'' JJ yelled back.

''No'' he yelled back and he saw one of the cops looking suspicious.

''What are you doing?'' the cop asked.

Hotch had to let go of JJ to grab his badge and to let them know who he was.

''Agent Hotchner, FBI!'' Hotch said angrily.

JJ ran towards the house the moment she was finally away from Hotch's grip. She heard him yelling out her name but she ignored him. She heard his footsteps behind her but she didn't stop. She ran inside the small house and she saw the cops inside. She showed her badge to them and they let her further inside. She made her way up a flight of stairs. She froze when she was standing in the doorway of the bathroom and she saw the lifeless body of her mother laying on the floor.

''No! No!'' JJ yelled and she was about to walk into the bathroom but Hotch pulled her away again.

''Come here, JJ. Don't look!'' Hotch said and he pulled JJ away from the bathroom and into the hallway.

''I am here. I am here'' Hotch said and he softly put JJ against the wall, so she could lean against it to keep her balance.

JJ was leaning against a wall while Hotch was giving her space because he didn't know if she wanted him to close. The tears were streaming down her face and her hair was in her face. Hotch lifted up one of his hands and he softly caressed her cheek and he pushed her hair out of her face. He felt JJ lean into his touch and he was cupping her face with both of his hands. Hotch took this as a good sign and he suddenly pulled her against him. His hands wrapped around her tightly and he knew she was okay with it when JJ put her head against his chest to silence her sobs. Hotch hand was gently stroking her hair.

''I am so sorry JJ. I am here for you. I promise I am not going to leave you alone'' Hotch promised and it was the truth. He wanted to be there for JJ no matter what.

''Okay'' JJ whispered.

''I don't know what to do anymore, Hotch. My life is so messed up. I am drained'' JJ said and she was slowly pulling away from Hotch's embrace.

''JJ, it is….'' Hotch tried to say but he was interrupted by JJ.

''I have just been so wrong about everything. I blamed my own mother for leaving. I hated her. I questioned her and she…my father…he hurt her as much as he hurt me. I believed him. And now I can't apologize to her. I can't talk to her. She is gone. How could she?'' JJ said with the tears still in her eyes.

''JJ, it is okay'' Hotch said softly.

''No…no…it is not, Hotch. I have lost so much in my life. I lost my sister. I just lost my mom and my dad, even though he is a criminal, he might get the death penalty. Don't you see how screwed up this all is? I have nothing. I used to have everything. And now I feel as alone as a person can be'' JJ said and she walked to the other side of the hallway.

Hotch wanted to walk after her but his phone started ringing and he saw it was Matthew Porter and he knew he had to pick up.

''JJ, it is Matthew in need to take this'' Hotch said and he walked down the stairs after JJ. He followed her outside and he watched as JJ disappeared into one of the backseats of the SUV's.

JJ was sitting inside the SUV and she saw that Hotch was busy talking on the phone. JJ suddenly got the image in her head of her mother lying lifeless on the floor. She couldn't believe that it had happened. If she had known that her mother was abused by her father, she would never have blamed her. She would have understood because she was her father's punching bag for two years. JJ bent over and she let her head rest in her hands. She was startled when the door to the SUV suddenly opened. She looked up and she saw Hotch looking at her with concern.

''What was it about?'' JJ asked.

''The trial is cancelled'' Hotch said with a grin because he knew it was a good thing for JJ.

''Why?''

''Matthew talked to the defense attorney and he made him realize that he was never going to win after that letter. They made a plea deal for life imprisonment without the change of parole. Your father will also be transferred to a maximum security prison and he will have no contact with other inmates. Matthew is okay with the conviction. What do you think about it?'' Hotch asked JJ.

''It is good. I can't see myself testifying anymore'' JJ said sadly and she saw that the coroner came outside with a body.

''JJ, the team is flying back tomorrow night. Where do you want to go now?'' Hotch asked softly.

''I just want to go back to the hotel and try to get some sleep. I need the rest, right now. Do you mind driving?'' JJ asked and she saw Hotch nodding in agreement.

''Of course, JJ. I will ask one of the locals to bring the SUV back to the hotel'' Hotch said.

He closed the door and he climbed in the driver's seat and he drove away from the scene. He knew JJ was going to have a hard time with everything. It seemed like nothing in her life could go on without something going wrong. Every part of her life seemed to come crumbling down on her and she didn't know how to feel anymore.

They were back at the hotel about half an hour later. The team was waiting in the lobby and they all gave JJ a hug. After a long conversation, Emily and Penelope took JJ up to their room, so she could get some rest. JJ changed into her sleeping clothes and Emily and Penelope left to give her the space she needed. JJ looked like a zombie and she was barely talking.

Two hours passed by and Hotch had been sitting in his hotel room. He had been doing absolutely nothing. He could only think about JJ. The rest of the team were looking into Susan Dunn's death and everything confirmed suicide. Hotch was getting sick of sitting in his room and he decided to check on JJ. He was worrying sick about her but he still didn't want to give her space.

When he was standing in front of her door he knocked on it and it opened at the third knock. He saw JJ standing in front of him in sweatpants and a sweater. She stepped aside to let him in without saying a word.

''I wanted to know how you are holding up'' Hotch said to break the silence and he saw JJ's pale face.

''I am okay. I think'' JJ said and she sat down on the edge of the bed.

''What do you want, Hotch?'' JJ asked.

''Look JJ. I said a lot of bad things. I haven't been a good person to you. I am sorry. And if you want me to be your friend than that is okay. I rather have you in my life as friend than to not have you in my life at all'' Hotch stated and he saw JJ looking at him with shock.

''Hotch, please don't…'' she tried to say because he already started talking again.

''You know what that is a lie'' he said.

''Because I want to take you on a date. I want a real date. I want to tell you how beautiful you are inside and out. I want to marry you and I want to have kids with you. And I want a lifetime with you. I want to hold you in my arms. I want to watch you sleep. I want to take things slow. I want everything with you, JJ. I want a lifetime of you, me, Henry and Jack. There is nothing else I want. And I will do anything to prove it to you'' Hotch continued.

A silence fell for a few minutes and Hotch thought JJ had already given up and he was about to walk away when he heard her voice.

''Stay!'' JJ mumbled and she saw Hotch turning around.

''Of course'' Hotch said and he turned around to walk towards the bed. He sat down next to JJ. JJ moved closer towards him and she rested her head on his shoulder and she felt Hotch press a kiss to her head. She felt so safe that it made her forget about all the bad in her life. She knew she loved Hotch and she always would. She just knew that it was going to take some time for her to trust him again with her heart. But for now she just wanted to be in his embrace and to forget all the bad in her life for as long as she could.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: I would like to dedicate this chapter to spyagent001! I hope everyone likes it!**

**Special thanks to Jotchprossi18, spyagent001 and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 28: Good times and bad times**

JJ sat with Hotch for a long time until there was a knock on the door and both of them quickly jumped from the bed. JJ made her way to the door and she looked through the peephole to see Matthew standing on the other side of the door. JJ opened the door and she greeted him with a friendly smile.

''Matthew, what are you doing here?'' JJ asked.

''I just wanted to check on you and I want to talk to you about something'' Matthew said and he walked inside when JJ stepped aside to let him in.

''Agent Hotchner'' Matthew said when he noticed Hotch sitting on the edge of the bed.

''Hello Matthew'' Hotch said politely. He had always liked the Matthew because he was a nice person and he seemed to care about his cases. Hotch only didn't like the way he looked at JJ and the way JJ looked at him. He could understand why JJ liked him. He was her own age and he was a good looking guy. Hotch rose from the bed to go and stand next to JJ, so there would be enough space between them. He couldn't believe he was actually jealous when he already knew that JJ was just friends with him. He just wanted JJ to be his and no one else's. He told her that he wanted her but he still didn't know what JJ wanted.

''I am fine Matthew. Thank you for checking up on me. Hotch told me about the plea deal. Are you okay with it?'' JJ asked him and she suddenly noticed Hotch closely at her side.

''Yeah, I am. It was the best option. And I guess it is a good thing that you don't have to testify anymore. You know what, I will call you tomorrow. I actually have another case I need to work on. Bye JJ'' Matthew said and he was out the door before JJ could say anything else to him.

''He was gone pretty fast'' JJ said surprised.

''Of course he was. He likes you and he was extremely nervous'' Hotch explained to JJ and he saw her looking stunned.

''Oh, I didn't see it'' JJ said.

''Hey! Are you okay?'' Hotch asked as he was standing in front of her and he put his hands on her arms.

''No, not really'' JJ said honestly because she knew it didn't help if she was going to lie to Hotch because he knew her to well.

''What are you thinking about?'' Hotch asked and he sat down in a chair while JJ was sitting on the edge of a bed again.

''My hair'' JJ said and she knew Hotch wasn't going to understand.

''What do you mean?'' Hotch asked curiously.

Before JJ explained it to him she flashed back to a moment from her childhood.

* * *

_Flashback – 1989_

_Annie was laying in her bed and she knew it was almost time to wake up and go to school. She was just waiting for her mother to wake her up. Her mother woke her up every morning and she would help her get her stuff together._

''_Annie, it is time to wake up'' Susan said when she walked into the room of her seven year old daughter._

''_I am awake mommy'' Annie said happily and she jumped from her bed and she sat down in a chair in front of the mirror._

''_Where is the brush, Annie'' Susan asked._

''_It is on the nightstand mommy'' Annie replied and she watched as her mother grabbed the brush from the nightstand and made her way over to her._

_Her mother pulled Annie's long blonde hair from the ponytail and she started brushing her hair. Annie and her mom always talked while her mom did her hair and it was a tradition they did every single morning, even on the weekends._

* * *

''My mom…I mean Susan…she…she always woke me up and she would brush my hair. We would talk for a long time and when she was done she would always tell me that she loved me. Those are the little moments I remember like it was yesterday. I always felt so loved in those moments. I felt so safe with my mother and I never understood why she left so suddenly. I guess, I know now'' JJ said and a tear fell down her cheek.

Hotch rose from the chair and he sat down next to JJ on the edge of the bed.

''It sounds like she was a good mother to you'' Hotch said.

''She was. She really was. I just never understood why she left and today I find out why she left me. I just can't believe that she did this. I wanted to talk to her again. The last time I talked to her, I yelled at her and now it is too late to apologize. It is too late'' JJ said and she broke down again.

''JJ, it is okay. You didn't know. There is no way you could have known this. Please don't blame yourself. I will not stand by and watch you get hurt because of something you never knew because I love you and I can't stand to see you hurt'' Hotch said.

''Why do you love me? I don't know why anyone could love me'' JJ said softly and she saw that Hotch was stunned about her question for him.

''Do you want to know why I love you? I will tell you why I love you. I love you, JJ because of so many things. I love you because every time is see you my hearts skips a beat. I love your beautiful smile. I love that you can make me smile with your smile. I love that people are allowed to call you JJ instead of Jennifer Jareau. I love the way you look at me. I love the way you sleep next to me. I love the way you curl up against me in bed. I love the way you fit in my arms. I love the way you laugh. I love how you just give me this indescribable feeling. I love your big blue eyes. I love it that you can completely change my mood on my worst days. I love that you call me Aaron. I love how good of a mom you are. I love that I lose all my sanity when you touch me. I love the way you love me because I could never imagine someone like you, loving me. I love you, JJ'' Hotch stated and he saw smile appear on her face.

''The truth is that I still love you, Hotch. And now matter how many times I tell myself that you will hurt me again or that I can't trust you again a part of me just will not let go. I know I will always love you. I just don't know what to do right now. In the past two weeks I have been feeling like a part of me is missing and I am sick of that feeling but I don't know if I can trust you with my heart again'' JJ confessed and she hoped that Hotch was going to understand her for her doubt towards him.

''JJ, you can. I promise you. I never meant to hurt you. Everything I told you yesterday is the truth'' Hotch said and he thought he had said something wrong when JJ stood up from the bed.

JJ paced through the room until she stopped in front of Hotch. She knelt down between his legs and she held his face with both of her hands. She saw Hotch leaning in and their lips met in a fiery kiss. JJ felt her entire body tingle as she felt their lips move against each other. They both pulled away to catch their breaths. Hotch pulled JJ up with him and he pulled her into a tight embrace and put a soft kiss in the crook of her neck.

''I will never let you go again, JJ. I will be here for you through everything. I will even quit my job if I have to because I can't live without you'' Hotch whispered into her ear.

''I love you'' JJ said as she pulled away from him.

''I love you to. Do you want to stay here or do you want to grab some dinner?'' Hotch asked after he saw that it was already late.

''Lets grab some dinner. I am actually starving'' JJ said and she walked towards her suitcase to grab some clothes to wear. She quickly changed into a comfortable shirt and her skinny jeans. She grabbed her coat and she followed Hotch out of the hotel room.

JJ and Hotch were back at Hotch's hotel room about two hours later. During dinner they mostly talked about cases and things in their everyday lives. JJ didn't want to talk about her mother because it was hurting too much. The quilt was already eating her up inside and she didn't know what to do about it. She knew Hotch would want to help her but another part of her was still questioning if she should tell how she felt about her mother. She had already talked this afternoon but it was barely a conversation.

They were standing in front of the door to his room and JJ knew it was now or never to tell him how she felt about everything.

''I feel guilty, Aaron. I feel like I could have helped her and I didn't do what I needed to do to help her. I feel like I disappointed her somehow'' JJ said and she saw Hotch turning around.

''JJ, you didn't disappoint her. Do you still have the letter?'' he asked softly.

''Of course''

''Read it again, JJ. She told you that she is proud of you. She never blamed anything on you. It isn't your fault and it never was. Everything that has happened to you hasn't been fair and you deserve so much more than it all. Please, don't blame yourself again. Promise me!'' Hotch said once they were inside the hotel room.

''I promise'' JJ said with a lot of difficulty.

''Do you mind if I stay here? I would really like to fall asleep next to you'' JJ said and she saw that Hotch had a small smile on his face.

JJ and Hotch both put on comfortable clothes and they climbed into the bed. JJ curled up against his side and Hotch put his arms tightly around her. They both fell asleep, knowing that the other would be there the next morning.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: I think this might be unexpected, but this is the last chapter. My ideas and thoughts for this story weren't coming to me anymore. I hope everyone enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed to writing it. My other story, Accidentally in Love, is already up and I am going to put all my focus on that one because it is probably going to be my longest story I have written yet. **

**Special thanks to Jotchprossi18, samcarter1980, spyagent001, Twilightangell and MollyR!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please review!**

**I don't own criminal minds.**

* * *

**Chapter 29: Moving on**

**One week later…**

In the week that passed by a lot had happened. JJ and Hotch stayed in Kansas for the funeral of JJ's mother. Hotch made up an excuse that he needed to help Matthew with a case. He and JJ stayed together in the hotel and Hotch didn't leave her side once. They both knew that this time their relationship was starting in the right way. JJ felt a lot better with Hotch around her. She was still having a hard time with her mother but she knew there were people around her that loved her. After four days in Kansas City, they were finally ready to go home. The minute they got home, JJ and Hotch decided to have a play date with the boys and JJ and Henry ended up sleeping at Hotch's place.

It was Friday afternoon around 5 pm and JJ was looking through cases in her office. To JJ it felt good to be back at work. The team wasn't having any problems with her return. JJ knew they were still really worried about her but she tried to tell them that she was going to be okay. JJ and Hotch still didn't tell the rest of the team that they were together. Only Rossi and Emily knew. Emily couldn't stop asking JJ about the details of her relationship with Hotch and JJ was happy that she had someone to talk to about it because it was already hard for her to keep it a secret. JJ rose from her chair because she needed a signature from Hotch on one of her files. JJ made her way through the bullpen and she gave Derek a smile when he looked at her with a big smirk. JJ kept walking and quickly made her way up the catwalk and to Hotch's office. JJ knocked on the door and she waited for Hotch to tell her that it was okay to come inside.

''Come in'' Hotch said.

JJ walked inside with the file in her hand and she put it on his desk. Hotch was already standing and he walked over to JJ.

''Hey'' JJ said affectionately as she walked towards her boyfriend.

''Hello to you to'' Hotch said and he put his arms around her waist and he met her lips in a passionate kiss.

In the meantime the entire team, including Rossi and Penelope, were sitting in the bullpen. Penelope and Derek were joking around with each other while Rossi and Reid were having a heated discussion about one of their cases. Emily was working on a file when she suddenly looked up to see Hotch and JJ making out in his office. She made a loud gasp and the rest of the team suddenly turned around to look at her but their eyes went to Hotch and JJ immediately.

''Oh my god'' Penelope yelled loudly.

''Did you guys know?'' Derek asked.

''You know, a working relationship can lead to….'' Reid tried to say but he was interrupted.

''I guess they didn't know that the blinds are open'' Rossi added.

''You think, Rossi?'' Emily asked sarcastically as she rose from her chair to go and warn JJ.

Emily made it into the office when she coughed loudly, which caused Hotch and JJ to turned around and look at her. They both followed Emily's eyes towards the blinds and they saw the entire team staring at them.

''I guess we have given them the entire show'' JJ joked.

''Oh shit'' Hotch said loudly and JJ was kind of shocked by his words.

''Gee, Agent Hotchner. I thought you were more mature than that!'' JJ joked again and she grabbed Hotch's hand and she pulled him with her into the bullpen. Hotch wanted to struggle but JJ's action caught him off guard.

''When? When? Wh….When did this happen?'' Penelope asked shocked.

''After I left to go to East-Allegheny'' JJ said honestly and JJ suddenly felt a punch into her arm.

''Ouch! Pen, what was that for?'' JJ asked while looking at her friend.

''That is for not telling me! And this is to let you know that I think it is completely awesome that you and the boss man are doing the dirty!'' Penelope said and she gave JJ a hug halfway through her sentence.

''Garcia!'' Hotch said to warn his energetic tech.

''Sorry, sir. But this is just amazing!'' Penelope said even happier.

''I still can't believe this'' Derek said suddenly and everyone turned to face him.

''Congratulations man. You deserve this'' Derek said and he shook Hotch's hands.

''Thank you Morgan''

''And you princess, I am so happy for you'' Derek said to JJ and he pulled her into a tight hug.

''Derek, this is the second time that you called her princess. I am supposed to be your princess'' Penelope said.

''Of course, baby girl'' Derek said and he turned his focus to Penelope.

''We should go out for a drink to celebrate'' Rossi said to interrupt the conversation about JJ and Hotch's relationship.

''Oh, that sounds awesome'' Reid said and his face turned red immediately.

''Awesome? Wow Reid! That is a word I never thought I would hear coming from your mouth'' Emily said.

The team was making their way through the bullpen while JJ and Hotch were right behind them. They were holding hands and Hotch suddenly stopped JJ when they were in front of the elevator.

''Are you happy?'' he asked JJ.

''I am. I am doing so much better when you are around. I love you'' JJ said.

''I love you to'' Hotch said and he leaned down for another kiss. They both got lost in the kiss until they heard sounds coming from the elevator.

''Stop that!''

''You should get a room!''

''Yeah, man! Go on!''

''Did you know that kissing is good for…'' Reid said but he was silenced by Derek who gave him a slap on the head.

JJ and Hotch had no idea who said what but they walked into the elevator, knowing their lives were complete. They had their friends. They had their kids and they had each other. Both of them knew that they would never let each other go again and that meant that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together.

**The end!**

* * *

We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end.  
**Benjamin Disraeli**


End file.
